Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the Guy with Kids and a WW Neunzehn(19)

Just sent a prayer your way, also.

If she does leave OM, remember she is dealing with hurting him now, too. I remember this...it's hard and painful. She may have reassured him that he had nothing to worry about, etc. I know you don't care about his hurt, but just wanted you to know that it may take her some time to "get rid of him" if you know what I mean.

Both of you should not be paying the family premium....you are the more stable one and should pay it with her paying the single rate if you divorce. I am not sure why she did this because she could always change it if you divorce. You then can de-duct that amount from daycare or she can have an allotment taken out of her pay to you for half minus her single rate charge. or vice versa. Someone probably said she could save her cost if she paid the family rate and not you....thats why you make sure the single rate is deducted so its fair!!

But on the otherhand....anything that makes her feel the financial costs of this is a good thing if you can handle the double dip as well.

I would continue to show up etc until the presence of the OM is verified or not. Strike while the iron is hot or regret it you will.

After you email....that I would have advised against (I thought it too clingy..shows what I know) she should have pulled back but the opposite has occured! This can't be a coincidence!

Attack...Attack....pull back and access...and do it again!!

Beej, you're way too far ahead. I have no expectation that she is done with OM. Odds are they had a spat of some sort. I can pray, though.

And thank you for the prayer. I take all the prayers I can get.

ILF, its just typical of how she reasons things. She DOESN'T. I thought about telling her to just cancel her health coverage. Like you said, she can change it if we DO divorce. Then she can pay the daycare bill. But then, on the flip side, it does help her feel the financial pain.

About the texts...I think they said both parts. The strong me and the melty me. I fully expected her to be angry about them and try her best to avoid me at all cost. Getting the call from her totally threw me off.

Tonight, I worked a late night. After I left, I called her cell phone to ask if it would be okay to stop by and drop off Amanda's Converse.

Amanda answers the phone and we talk. I ask her to ask her mom if its okay to come drop off her shoes.

"Mom said okay. She asked if you could bring some Tums for Juli."
"Okay. Ask mom if she needs anything else."
After a minute, "Mom said that we ran out of cough medicine too, if you could bring some."

I hit the store and get to the apartment. Everyone is at the neighbors apartment just across the way. Amanda pops her head out just as I walk to the door. They are helping them set up a turtle tank. I stand outside talking to her. I tell her to get her sister so that I can say hello. She comes outside and we go into the wife's place. Talking to her, I find out that she was sick today and didn't go to school. She threw up last night all over her bed.

And she has the top bunk.

We go into the kitchen and I start to give her a couple tums. Everyone comes back and we all start to talk. The wife and I talk a bit about Juli. S14 still has a swollen ankle and I'm concerned. I'm playing with the kids. I sit on the sofa for a bit and the wife comes to sit also. She talks about what happened last night and we all kind of gross out but its also funny, so we are all laughing too. Wifey looks very tired. She tells me about some things she did today. I ask if she is working this Saturday and she says that she doesn't even know. She said she was supposed to work this past weekend. I see that she rented some movies and I tell her about the movie "Borat" that I watched last night.

That movie was F'ing hilarious!

I ended up staying for about an hour and start to get Juli to bed. Wife is busy cleaning things in the girls room and bathroom still. I'm saying my goodbyes and let the wife know that I'm going to leave. When I came into the apartment, I noticed a bag of trash and a plastic pot and some dead branches. Saying my goodbyes, I ask the wife is the trash is being picked up tomorrow. She says no, and that she'll get the trash to the dumpster. I take a trash bag full of pukey stuff outside for her. Leaving, she is in the kitchen. I give her a wave and tell her to have a goodnight, with a smirk. She says thanks and tells me goodnight.

I took her trash to her dumpster for her and head home.

Sorry Ldub, nothing good out there.....yet.

I expect not to have any real contact until maybe Saturday, if she works. I'll ask if I can hang out with the kids somewhere.

I may be way ahead, but I see things you don't. She stayed in the same room at a hotel with you...alone...., she "feels ashamed", she took money from you, she is letting you help her, she is letting you hug her, she is sharing feelings with you, she let you get the bed with her.......all, knowing that OM would be ticked about it all. She could have waited to get the bed when OM was done being mad, or the truck was available. She got her BED with YOU. So, call me crazy, but I think you are getting close. It's good you are not setting yourself up to possibly be hurt. But, while you are doing that, I will get you ready for possibly being happy. So, together we should get it all straightened away.

Would be a great night to go to that movie, Fireproof. Or, perhaps just get the book. (I don't give up.) In fact, one of these days I am just going to send you movie tickets so you HAVE to go.

Have a great day, h4h. ((((h4h)))))

Dunno, girl.

I'll take it as, at a MINIMUM, her seeing the friendship coming back, possibly not the marriage. The relationship? Maybe.

That was why I sent the texts. I wanted her to know that it WASN'T just friendship on my part, but my love for her. And a reminder that I'm not giving up on her. Just like her dad. I had to take advantage of her thinking that.




After I left last night, I took it easy at home. I went in to work a little later than usual. On my way in...

she called. Just like I always hope she would.

I answer it this time. She was wondering if I could pick up Juli from daycare today because work has her scheduled until 6:30. I let her know that I'll pick her up, not to worry. We start to talk. She wasn't supposed to go in until 9:30, so she has to sit in the back until that time. She asks if I'm at work yet. I ask her about the benefits stuff and she tells me that HER medical is paid for. I remind her to take the kids off for now. I have them covered and still have nephew covered, too. She says she will. She then says that she is looking at her account. She counts 8 NSF fees on her account! We discuss if she'll get in trouble. I also let her know that I'll take care of daycare on Monday and she thanks me. I ask her if she got gas yesterday and she tells me yes. I tell her that as long as she has paid her rent, has gas and grocery's, she's fine. She agreed.

I ask her if she has contacted the attorney in Laredo and she told me that she hasn't yet. We talk a little about her little half sisters and keeping in touch. She gets a little emotional so I change the subject. I ask if she is working Saturday and she says that she is off. She asks me the same question and I let her know that I'm off as well. Then she asks if I have any time off during Thanksgiving. I let her know that I don't, but my parents are off that week and offered help with the kids. She says maybe Monday through Wednesay, but she is off the day after Thanksgiving. We discuss any vacation time she has left because of this past week and she wasn't sure how many days she burned for vacation. She tells me that she had taken the last week of the year off and I let her know that I also took that week off.

We have a couple pauses because I'm driving and she seemed a little distracted with something, so she says that it is time to open and tells me to have a good day. I tell her the same and hang up.

So, it seems that we'll be together tonight again. I think I'll pick up some pizza's for us on the way home.

And Saturday with the kids sounds like its out. Amanda wanted to go to the movies to see the "Chihuahua Movie" if we DID do something together, if the wife had to work. I may have her plant the idea in her mom about us all going together that day.

Maybe skating, too. Or maybe another drive to a park. Lost Maples again. I think the leaves finally changed.

Will play things by ear. I may go by myself. Should be a nice weekend. I'm thinking something burned on the pit.

Yeah, I think it was smart to send the texts after all that happened at the funeral. It was important to make sure she knew, like you said, that you were more to her than her friend and always would be. She never responded to the texts? That could be good. Especially since she called you in the morning. She could have avoided you or kept things all business. I think she is rethinking BIG TIME!

Hey H4H

Interesting stuff you have going on. Stay grounded - but you didn't need to hear that from me.

H4H, I pulling for you bro. Looks like you have had some great opportunities to show the W the kind of man you are.

I do believe that she noticed and hopefully there's problems in OM land; so that the W can be thinking.

Praying for you brother.

Beej, she didn't respond to my texts. I thought FOR SURE that she would ignore me somehow aftwards, but she didn't. She called about the bed. I thought it interesting.

Thanks lis and mC.


Today, during work, I forwarded the wife an inspirational email. I preceeded it with,

"I'll pick up some pizza from Little Cesars for us to eat tonight, so don't eat pizza for lunch. I have a late appointment tonight, but I'll definately pick Juli by 6 but not any later than 6:15.

Have a great day and remember...He holds both of us in the palm of His hands. He has always taken care of us and He always will."

She responded about 45 minutes later with,

"SOUNDS GOOD"

Typical wife.

After work, I pick up the pizza, pick up Juli and head to the apartment. S14 has two friends there, so I wasn't sure if there was going to be enough with two pizza's. I go outside with Juli to walk the dog. We go back in and I get homework going for Amanda and Juli and get them set with pizza while they work. The boys are in the bedroom watching tv and the girls and I are in the living room working while they eat.

I figured I'll wait to eat until the kids have finished. The wife shows up about 30 minutes later. They say their hello's and then she starts to clean up some kind of mess on the kitchen floor from this morning. She asks if I ate yet and I told her that I was waiting to see if the kids had enough. There may not be enough. She says that almost a whole pizza is left. She asks if I want some and I say yes. She fixes our plates and micro's them and asks me if I want something to drink and I say sure. She serves me and herself and she sits down with us in the living room. By this time, Amanda had finished eating and her homework and put in a DVD movie.

I keep helping Juli with her homework and I get the wife involved in helping too. Both of us are helping her and she finishes. The wife tells me that there are still two slices left if I wanted some more. I ask HER if she wants a slice too, and she says sure. I go get us the last slices and heat them up. I take them back and ask her if she wants a refill and I take her cup for a refill and bring it back to her. I start to have Juli start to read a book she brought home and the wife sits back in her chair and keeps dozing off. I ask about her day and she says that not much happened, but she is sleepy. Juli starts getting cranky and can't finish her book. I sit with her and watch the tv for a little bit.

Later, its time for bed. I help the wife pick up. Juli says she needs a map for school, so I head out to the car with the empty pizza boxes to grab a Texas map. We get the girls changed and then I start my goodbyes. As I'm trying to leave, the wife is starting to make some cookies. She then empties the trash bag and I try to take it from her. She says that she'll just take it to the curb because they pick up tomorrow. I start for the door and she follows with the trash. Outside, she asks me if she can bum a cigarette so we head to my vehicle. She puts the trash out by the curb and I grab the pizza boxes and put them there too.

I grab her about 5 cigs and give them to her with a lighter. Its a little chilly out, so she is shivering. Somehow, we start talking about her work. I ask if she works a regular day tomorrow and she says yes. She tells me that she is having some kind of test on Monday. We talk about that for a while. Then we start to talk about money. She says she wanted a different position, but her credit is going to keep her from it. We start to talk about the creditors keep calling her. I tell her that I'm in the same boat. She asks if its possible to file bankruptcy by herself and I tell her that I didn't know. I ask if she fixed her health benefits, but she hasn't done it yet.

"Do you think they can come pick up the furniture?"
"Not sure. Depends on what you signed."

I tell her its possible, but maybe not likely. We have a little more conversation and I start to get into my vehicle. She tells me to have a good night and I tell her to do the same.

She walks back and I take off. Leaving, I think that I should have just given her the pack of cig's that I had left since I'm not smoking them. It was just an emergency pack. I turn around and put the pack, that has about 5 more, under her wiper blade on her windshield and THEN leave. I thought about calling her, but I'll just let her see it in the morning.

I'm trying to figure out how I can suggest a family movie at the theater. Maybe a movie and then barbeque back at the house or apartment.

We have spent time with each other every single day since this past Saturday. No reason for us to see each other tomorrow. I may send an email asking her if she wants to do something Saturday all of us together.

Not sure if its too much. I don't want to over do it. I also need to keep our convo's lighter and not so much serious talk. Let her see my funny side, too. It's just hard to do with her right now.

Sounds really good to me. My hope is since the last weekend your wife is seeing just a little bit clearer.

Yes, I would ask about the family movie. Have no expectations, though. Be prepared for her to say no. And, if she does, make sure to make other plans (like going to Fireproof).

Yes, I agree, make sure you have "fun" with her, too. BUt, it seems like she is needing someone to talk serious with her right now, too. Just feel her out.

Time will tell.