Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Healing my Heart 5

(((((dr.love, nc and Gf))) Thanks, sometimes I just need my feelings validated and it makes me feel better.

Today was better, although I had a lot of running to do this morning. Had to hunt for Lightning mcqueen party stuff for S2.. he's in love with that car

S5 was up with his asthma again. So Thursday I have to take him back to the dr. It kills me to see him like that.

You know what doc, I know that I would have to maybe find someone and not be alone, and it certainly wouldn't be anyone close to my age, because most of them are retarded (no offense to any 3o and up men on here) but It would have to be someone in there middle to upper 40's.. and to tell you the truth, I am so set in my ways, I would be alone.

Seriously, Im not giving up of course. We have plenty of good days, its just the bad ones are really bad and it takes me days to get over it.

I would never have an affair, I'd leave him first. I am loyal to a fault, so that's not happening.

Nc~ as always your advice is wise. I just have to start doing things instead of just thinking about them.

GF... I wish there was time for me.. there just isn't right now. My plate is so full until we leave for Disney... But maybe next wkend H and I can go out alone, that would be nice.

Thanks all.. have to get back to my mess.. Take care all.. love ya lots!!

((((Tal)))) just thought you might need a hug.

And just in case, here's some more!!

(((((((Tal)))))))

Thanks sugar and GF... You make me smile

I swear though I think Im cursed! S2 woke up at 4am throwing up. All over. Poor baby I feel so bad for him. Im about ready to drop. Im getting a soar throat, which means, im getting yet another cold.

So get this.. you guys are going to love this one. H comes home last night, now mind you, things havent been too great. First he calls me to ask about using my car thursday, which is the worst absoulute day he could have asked, I was supposed to get that heart monitor put on, then I have a parent teacher conference, then S6 has a dr. appt at 4pm. So I saii I would try and use my mom's car.. meanwhile he's getting snipping with me because I have stuff to do WTF????

So I cancelled my heart appt., then cancelled my sons appt and moved it to Friday. I could have used my mom's car for the conference but she has something to do in the morning.SOOOO anyway, He comes home with an attitude, I told him that you owe big time ( I was half joking ) He lays into to me like you wouldn't believe. I said, You knew about my appt. and the conference, are you living on another planet???? He said that was stupid to cancel my appt and that he would have rented a car.. NOW HE TELLS ME???? after he has an attitude with me on the phone about the whole freakin thing??

He tries to turn this crap around on me. I eneded up moving my son's appt up to wed which is good, it just isnt' with the dr. I wanted, but he's my second choice.

My appt. well, I moved that to Monday. No big deal, but F*%&& what is wrong with him, he is just so damn self centered. Im sitting here running around last night, getting the kids ready for bed etc, (which I don't expect him to do) but S6 wanted something to snack on and he couldnt' even do that.

I told him I might as well be a single parent, then he started on me that this was my fault... WHAT????

I told him that I have so much to do this week with S2 's party, and I know im not going to get any help from him.

So this is the funny part.. he's on the internet, Looking at the current aol videos.. and one was victoria secret models or something... so my S6 comes in to me and says " mommy, Daddy looking at other girls on the computer"... HAHAHAH...
I said That's ok honey. my H says "im just looking at the aol videos, isn't she pretty S6?" He Says, No Mommy's beautiful, and you aren't supposed to be looking at other girls your married!".... I WAS LAUGHING MY AZZ OFF.... I said S6 you are going to make some husband one day!!!

Then I said before I went upstairs, you need to take some lessons from your 6 year old.

I know I was starting trouble guys, I know, but My patience level is just about gone, and I have no more left.

I don't think My h is going to wake up in time, it will be too late for us and I will be gone emotionally.

I don't know what to do, he thinks im being dramatic, but he really is not aware of what he does and how it effects everyone in this house.

You've got mail.

(((((Tal)))))

Your H! Oh, man, is he soooo blind. If he only knew what he's doing... if he only knew...

I'm so sorry. I hope you all get to feeling better. And lack of sleep and fatigue only make matters worse.

Hang in there -- and may God bless.

Hope- Thanks I responded

nc.... He doesn't know that's what's bad...

Well my little baby boy has given me his stomach virus... UGGGG...

I put an add on craigs list for a mothers helper.. and got a response... the girl is actually deaf though, which I have no problem with, im just happy to get help. She showed up this morning, nice young girl 19 yrs old. So at least I got help..

now to get rid of his stomach bug... omG this is the worst...

I don't know guys, I think I may have to do something drastic to get my H's attention that I am not happy with anything that has been going on.

I was so incredibly sick yesterday, I ended up sending my little helper home early, because I just couldn't deal with anything. I fed the kids and headed upstairs to rest, The kids were playing computer games downstairs and just told S6 that I would be upstairs resting if he needed me and to watch out for S2. He said ok. So H shows up after work, never comes upstairs to see me. this went on for about 1 hour. I finally came down to get some dry toast, and I could barley walk because of my stomach, he says oh how are you doing mommy? (that's whay he calls me) I said if you would have asked me before I could have told you. Then nothing, not "do you need anything" "can I do anything for the kids" NOTHING. I was so f'in pissed I just went back upstairs.

Meanwhile, I hear the kids start yelling at eachother, and of course H can handle the way he should, I took it for about 15 minutes and broke it up. It was late anyway and they needed to go to bed. I asked H to getS2 a bottle and he says "I have that big meeting tomorrow, I don't have time".. He did do it because he knows that I would have really throw a fit. It takes a half a minute to do this.

I took the kids upstairs but S2 to sleep, and S6 went to bed fairly early. H never came to bed. I think he worked downstairs last night and fell asleep on the couch.

Totally ignored me all night.

This moring he calls... I didn't answer my cell, then he calls the house 3 x's so then I was wondering if it was work related why he was calling me, so I had to answer. He says:

H: what's going on.
me: Nothing, I took S6 down to the bus and Im just sitting here for a minute.
h: what time does the bus actually come?
me: 8:37
h: Oh, ok.
me: I was in the bathroom.
h: So what's going on.
me: what do you mean?, am I still sick?
h: yes.
me: what do you think?
h: that sucks.
me: yup.

Then there was silence.

H: well I guess I'll let you go.
me: ok, bye

That was the extent of our conversation.

Im sitting here in tears wondering what the he$$ am I going to do when I get old and sick and I CAN"T do this for myself.. this man is totally self absorbed. He doesn't have one sensativity bone in his body, at least for me he doesn't.

I think after the holidays, im going to see if I can put S3 in preschool longer and start looking for a part-time job at least. Or just get my resume out there. I don't see things getting better for me, I'm depressed all the time and He is just so unnappreciative of anything I do,I just can't take him being so calous all the time. he may love me, but its all sexual like ive said before. He doesn't care for me and my well being, so help me out once in awhile, but Im expected to help him.

You've got mail.

Tal Tal tal...

Take care of yourself girl..
With in reason. (and sure they are safe) stay upstairs Let H take care of the kids. Let him see what ya go though. I know it is hard sometimes..I hae been trying to stay our of the arguments my 11yo has with my Wife.
Let them fight their own battles..AS LONG AS NO BODY GETS HURT

Take care
Me