My wife and I have been doing an in house separation. We are only 8 days into it but I had a question for others who have done this.
My wife is going through a MLC or life evaluation. She basically wants to have a fun life again and she tells me ILUBNILWU. The first few days were ok, I have been working on GAL and improving myself and not acting jealous, needy, co-dependent, and basically all the things I did in the beginning of her change.
The problem is she seems more determined to play as much as she can with all her free time. To make things worse an employee quit last night from her store so she will have to work allot more and she was in a really bad mood yesterday. Everything I did pissed her off. I guess because she will have less time to play or be more tired.
Has anyone else gone through this? She says she is looking into a counselor but I doubt she is looking too hard. I know the only real things are to GAL and focus on our kids but man does this take a toll on my soul, being a LBS sucks.
Yes..I went through this. W went on a big 'social' streak. Travelled to see friends all over, went out as much as possible, reconnected with everyone she had ever met in her life.
For me, it progressed to a worse state. She became very private, didnt want me to know what she was doing, etc. It was really like dealing with a teenager, but who had money to do whatever they wanted.
My advice would be this. My mistake was persuing like no other. I couldnt stand how I could have been with this person almost 18 yrs and now I'm a stranger. I think the best thing you can do is put all your focus on yourself and your kids. Youre going to hear that all over this board and it is tough to not persue, snoop etc. Please, put total focus on yourself and your kids. I would just totally leave her alone. She is looking at you as getting in her way. No matter what you do, she will turn it to justify her thoughts. So, just leave her alone. Act like you dont give a damn.
I am also doing the in house seperation thing with kids. With the everything pisses her off comment....I live it to sometimes! Remember one thing...everything you do rite now is under the micrscope!! Good or bad it 100x magnified!
Examples
W complains I spend too much time with kids!
I pay a bill a little late....new stuff for me
I go out and do stuff
I bought my own bedding set
I fold laundry
I bought a new vaccum...and love it!
I dyed my hair
Sound familiar?
H 34 W 31 M 11yrs D 11 D 9
6-1-08 I wanted to fix marriage 6-11-08 I found out about OM
yep. I finnaly told my friends about what is happening so I am going to go hang out with them this week. What I take a guilty pleasure in is making sure she cannot go out on her day in. She closes her store then goes and has fun Mon, wed, Fri, sat. So Tues, Thurs, and sun are my days. I was staying home but I am working on getting out of the house now so she is stuck or at least hires a baby sitter grrr
For me, it progressed to a worse state. She became very private, didnt want me to know what she was doing, etc. It was really like dealing with a teenager, but who had money to do whatever they wanted.
That is my w totally Tostada!!
The bad part is her BFF acts the same way but no MLC just a selfish Beotch. I liken it to my wife being an drug addict and her BFF being a drug dealer
Is her BFF married? See, my w became close with all the divorced women...so they all went out together. She basically pushed aside all our family friends that are married and have kids.
I think your wife is trying to see about the life that could be... right now it is without you or despite you. Sorry. Since you have kids it is worse- not fair to them. You have to be the one to hold it together.
I really don't thing there is a quick way to get things back on track- I used to hope quick was days and weeks, now I realize it is weeks and months that progress is made, and in many cases years! You have to set your mind in this for the long haul.
My first few weeks were agony. You need to dive deep into your soul and find out what is important to your core. If marriage and vows are really sacred, then that will be your basis to hang in there even when everyone around you questions what you are doing. You will question too!
But there is hope that your wife will come to realize what is really important in her life- I promise. You can't force her to it though- You need to live your best life, and allow her to live her worst
Keep posting and reading
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
In the beginning I was thinking I could change things, I see how wrong I was now. I am admitting that this could be it but I am not giving up. I think that is the key for me. To be realistic about what is happening and not in denial. I think the more I accept it the better GAL I can do. I am still in the beginning so it is still hard for me. I really am starting to detach but the more I detach the better I see her and the more I think she is gone.
I AM in this for the long haul. I honestly do not want to date or anything I want my wife but I am bettering myself and the more of a life I lead the better off I will be either way.
So Huge fight but my w shared how she was feeling. Even though it was while she was yelling and telling me maybe I should leave, she still expressed her feelings for once. She felt trapped and underappreciated while I was in school. She had to work her normal job then take care of the kids at night. She felt like a single parent. Like I said myself I was not the best husband during this time. I did not do a lot of things I could have like house cleaning, and other basic day to day stuff. I really did neglect her and take her for granted, I have admitted this and take responsibly for my actions. This is what let to her leaping for single life when she got the chance. I look at like a pengelum, it was swung so far one way that it swung far to the other. She went from the cooped up under aprecied wife to the sexy going out all the time not loving her husband. Now I am not excusing her behavior but I do understand it. It is a base point that if she wanted to we could work from. I am changing myself for the better into a better husband, father, and me. This may not save our marriage but at least I will be better off. I know how she feels, that is a step. Our fight was about the fact that I lost my job recently. I have not been able to find a new one. We got into a huge fight last night about how she is supporting the family and I need to get a job (and I do). It is just one more thing she can point to and say “See, see he is bad, I am good”. Even though is it bad right now and she is very pissed off at me for the fight I do feel better knowing how she feels. What her thought process is. Does that make sense to anyone?
