Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Positive developments? #2

Thanks ms b. She's having a reaction to some medication, so none of that this weekend anyway

Of course, it's probably all tied in, and the "medication" might be an STD she picked up. I think we'll get a chance to talk this weekend.

So, what about you? I can't find a ms b thread anywhere. What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

I'm going to my aunts house as always. We usually celebrate Thanskgiving with my family on the actual day and with my husbands family a few days later so we aren't running around to two different houses.
This year, I'm going to my aunts, my husband is working. Then, Saturday his family is celebrating. He will take the kids, and I will stay home. My first time not celebrating with them. Sucks. Even though we've been seperated for over a year, we always still did holidays together. This time though, he said he didn't want me there.

(((ms ladybug)))

Have a great time not working tomorrow!

I'm sure he'll be nice and miserable...

Quick update:

To make a long story short, I could tell things were going downhill at my company after Thanksgiving. Wanted to not be under the axe when it fell, so decided to not be on this forum or anything non-work related. Continued to work my recovery group.

Had good time with W over Thanksgiving and a nice San Antonio trip with her for Christmas, but was growing increasingly worried. The layoff happened January 9th, and I was walked to the door along with 41 other people from our office of 200. Very surreal. Got a *great* severance package.

That was when I really started thinking. What the hell am I so scared about? That me losing my job would stop any reconciliation efforts, be seen as a failure by W and her family, etc. Finally realized what BS that was.

Job searched like crazy, found a new job, and will start Monday. Very excited, but it's a pay cut and benefits don't start for 90 days. My severance package gave us benefits until the end of February, so only a 6-week gap. Problem is, COBRA is $1,000/month, so that could get interesting.

Much to my surprise, this has been just the shake-up the R needed. As long as I had the previous job and W on benefits, she could coast along. Now, I'm honestly asking questions. Should she even be on my new benefits?

She's not happy with my new job, but also shows little sign of wanting to stay married. So why should she have any say? She just spent a week here getting doctor's appointments in, with little results. Headaches are worse than ever, and she's understandably very frustrated. She even agreed to MC yesterday, but then her doctor changed an appointment, and that took priority. Still, she seems to be opening up to it.

I'm feeling stronger than ever, got the inventory (step #4) done, and shared it with my sponsor (step #5). I think this will head one way or the other soon, no idea yet.

Missed everyone!

Sorry things went bad with the job. Great about the severance package and the new job though.

You'll have to post some more details about where things are with W when you get a chance.

Hey Michelle! I will, it was very much a "twilight zone" week, I'm still processing. Will post later on tonight.

...we're waiting!!

Hi Jon, thanks for responding to my thread. We've both been at this for awhile.

Just a thought, with COBRA so expensive, could you just do a 90 lapse in insurance? I did a 30day lapse, and just prayed hard. 90 might be hard to do.
As far as putting w on new benefits...that's a tough one. Because of your wife ailments, she's going to need insurance. Is there anyway she can get it on her own? Perhaps now would be a good time for her to make some tough decisions? It's a big plus that she agreed to MC, and I'm sorry she wasn't able to go.

Keep us posted.

Well, quick update. Lost my new job after 3 months, sales was a really bad fit. Worked way too hard to make my numbers each week, and got canned the first week I didn't hit them. Also really hurt my DBing, and main reason I haven't posted here in a while.

In March we got a nice letter from the IRS, and W and I are being audited on '07 taxes. Yikes! Very fun in a year that we were separated from July on. Fortunately they're only looking at medical expenses, but it's still been a month of work. The audit is this Wednesday the 6th.

The audit really put our '08 taxes in a new perspective. I took an extension to figure things out, and looked into filing married separate, but that seems to be a nightmare in a community property state. So for now, figuring out how to keep meticulous records in case we get audited again.

Lots of mixed emotions right now. Why am I still trying here? W just signed a year lease in Houston, but neither of us want a D. The time spent together working on this audit has been very good. Definitely NOT what I would have chosen to bring us closer, but we'll see where this will all lead.

Want to catch up on everyone else, but it'll need to wait until after the 6th. Until then, hugs to everyone!

JON! So crazy to see this post. I thought of you this morning for some reason and was wondering what happened to you. I haven't been around the DB boards lately. It seems my sitch changes daily, and it's just too much to keep up with the posting.

Sorry about the job and the audit. I can only imagine what a headache that's been. Strangely enough, God can use this to work some good things in your situation. Not the way you may have planned, but God's got some big plans for you and your wife. Keep that in mind.

Glad to hear from you. Are you on fb? There's quite a few of us over there.

Good luck Wed. Keep us posted.

Hey! Glad to see a post from you.

Sorry to hear about the audit, although glad it forced you and W to spend some time together.