he said "dont you still have hopes and dreams of us getting back together?"
Kissak, I wonder what did you tell him? I wouldn't know what to say...
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Maybe if he was suspicious that someone else was on the scene (there doesn't have to be- just a bit of mystery?) it might provoke a thought that he might lose you?
Lisa, I don't think it would work in my case as well. Just a feeling. He is not the type.
nlt, I can hardly belive it myself but yes, he's doing it again! My H is addicted to limbo!
BTW, he didn' call yesterday. We didn't have much of a R talk and still he felt like hiding in his cave.
My BFF suggested I tell him casually: H, enough of this BS. Come back. I must be out of my mind but I'm considering it
Then again, my other BFF is urging me to stop all the contact ASAP, tell him not to call, stop all the visits, etc. Her H of 25 years has left her for OW1, 20yo, then married OW2,30 yo, and now they are having their second child. When he started his MLC jorney he quit his job, because he hated it, started playing guitar and dating young girls. When I spoke to him last time, I've learned that he's still unhappy (surprise!) and had to go to his boss/partner and beg for his hated job back. He was lucky to get it. So now he's stuck with his new wife and old job and complains (to ME of all people!)about his hard life. His X, my friend, never talks to him or about him and seems to move on successfully. So may be I should listen to her. She also told me that I did sound much stronger in September and I shouldn't let him suck the life out of me.
(((everybody)))
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
It's so easy to get sucked right back in. Try to remain detached especially since H is still with OW. Be a little mysterious. Interesting that he says he's not thinking about filing. I hope you are adjusting well to life back home.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
The good news - I've spent a few wonderful days with H, he was helping me with my solo show. He'd come early in the morning and two of us would go and work together installing my art work. It felt great to be around him all day long(even though it wasn't so great to watch him leaving afterwards). At one point I had to go and fetch something from our friends' house. They were very supportive of me, refused to meet OW and stated their opinion clearly (you're losing your family, you idiot). Understandably, H stopped communicating with them and was annoyed by their position. I thought there is no way he'd enjoy visiting them ,so I've told him to wait for me. It would havew taken me a minute. Instead, H decided to come too. We went in and spent there forty minutes, had some cofee and a nice chat. In the evening my friend (my BFF) called to tell me to hold on and not to give up on him and that she could see our togetherness, it's still there. Later that day H started telling me that he can see now how selfish he was/is and that he's disgusted with himself (I didn't respond). He was not in a hurry to go home and when it was time to part our ways in the subway, his train came first but he didn't leave! He waited with me for my train to arrive. I felt like we were dating again. H was very sweet and seemed to enjoy my company a lot. Looked at me in a special way... Today we didn't see each other (I had to spend a day at my mom's) and he called me to decide on the time we meet tomorrow. And then - bad news!- he told me that a friend of a friend from the Uni (where we both used to teach) is coming to stay overnight at his (his and OW!) place. Now, we never told anybody there, we were afraid that our D17 would find out, she's still in touch with our friends from the campus. I was devastated! First of all, I dont want her to find out from somebody else or via e-mail. Then I felt that as long as she doesn't know, it's not over yet. He's hurt me and it's done, all right, but he hasn't hurt his only child! Not yet that is. When I asked H what's going to happen now, he said: well, I don't know. I can ask him (the visitor) not to tell anybody about OW(!). I've told him, it's ridiculous. I asked, why couldn't he say NO to the guy (after all "we" could be uncomfortable with him staying over). H said, yes, I should have said no, but it's too late now, he's on his way. I'm afraid, I've lost it a little bit. I didn't yell, but I was very upset and not friendly at all...H sounded upset too. What am I to do now? Should I just call D17 and tell her that her Daddy has been cheating and lying for two years and her Mom has been covering his lies? Or should I leave it to God?
Am I overreacting?
I was so happy until he called...
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
It was so good to read about your good news and it sounds like your H is still very conflicted.
I don't know what to advise you about your D17. She's probably very busy at her new college and may not have the time to keep in touch with her old friends as much. Is there a strong likelihood that the news will get back to her?
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Stella, I didnt quite get the story. A friend of a friend is stayng with your H and OW? And he thinks he will be staying with your H and you?
Anyway, I dont know what to say. If he finds out, it is not going to stay a sceret anymore, that's for sure. Your D should learn about this from you, not from somebody else. Love K
I too believe your H is slowly falling for you again. And you have to make sure you shine, make 180s, look your best, smile, be confident, sexy, caring. I think you have a big chance.
I don't know what to advise you about your D17. She's probably very busy at her new college and may not have the time to keep in touch with her old friends as much. Is there a strong likelihood that the news will get back to her?
Addie, there is a chance that D17 (18 in a month )will not hear the gossip, but it makes me sick to imagine her reaction to such news...
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A friend of a friend is stayng with your H and OW? And he thinks he will be staying with your H and you?
precisely! Our friend from the Uni sent an e-mail asking if we can host the guy and show him around a little bit. H has written back "sure, no problem". Now he's going to stay with H and Spider. Really awkward.
Anyway, H came over today to help some more. And the first thing he did - he HUGGED me! He gave me a real long tight hug!! Actually, I was the first one to break the embrace. I asked if everything was ok and he said: I don't love her, you know. I didn't know what to say (my usual problem), my heart was pounding, finally I said: please, don't. And that was it. I feel that I may have lost a good chance to encourage him, but I was so afraid to spoil the moment...
Then later today I heard him on the phone telling someone that he couldn't sleep because of some "unpleasant conversation" yesterday late at night! I wonder, who did he talk to...
And finally, he started telling me again how he messed up his own life and mine, and how he's afraid it will end up badly (Spider "taking her own life" again? ). I didn't reply, but then I thought may be he's trying to open up and I'm not listening to him. So I asked him after a while, if he wants to talk about it. He said firmly: no.
I think, Kalni, you're right. I do have a chance. He is looking at me lovingly, speaks to me nicely and shows lots of attention and care. He definitely feels more and morev comfortable around me. But I was there before and I'm afraid to trust the signs of recovery.
Happy Thanksgiving (((everybody)))!
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Hi Stella Sounds like you are doing really well! Its good to read your updates. Your H is making a bit of a mess isnt he - shame that it impacts on you too.... but it sounds like you are doing an amazing job of being detached from his mess! Good for you.
Is it time you took control of the situation about your daughter? Its probably the worst part of the whole yucky situation. Maybe daughter wont react as badly as you are imagining, and it might be helpful for you not to have it hanging over your head?
He is looking at me lovingly, speaks to me nicely and shows lots of attention and care. He definitely feels more and morev comfortable around me. But I was there before and I'm afraid to trust the signs of recovery.
Your H is definitely not done with the M and you do still have a chance. He is still in the fog, so you have to go very slow. Try to respond positively to him but remain detached for your own sake. I understand how very difficult it is to trust again when you have been betrayed by your spouse more than once.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
). I didn't reply, but then I thought may be he's trying to open up and I'm not listening to him. So I asked him after a while, if he wants to talk about it. He said firmly: no.