Here's a link to an article I found on the Smart Marriages website that I thought made a lot of sense. It has to do with creating "rituals" in your marriages, as opposed to just having "routines". It's rather lengthy, but shares with you some great examples from the lives of everyday common folk, just like us!
Since "piecing" here involves a lot of creating a new marriage, instead of going back to the old one, I thought that everyone might find this useful! Bill Doherty's work usually falls right in line with Michele's, and I think this "tip" can add a lot to your efforts here.
My mom and dad have a ritual. He comes home, we greet him at the door. He changes from work clothes to play clothes, gets his drink and talks about his day. I go next and my mom goes last.
I'm pondering rituals I want to implement for when my husband moves to my town.
JJ, if you have the time, could you stop by my thread? I'm struggling with a specific question at this time.
That's a great ritual that your mom and dad have, PnT! I'm sure that it really sets a great mood for the rest of the evening!
We have a Friday night ritual of movies, pizza, and chicken wings around here! It started out when my wife worked on Friday nights, and it gave my step-son and I a "guy's night". It helped to bring he and I closer, which in turn helped to bring my wife and I closer.
She no longer works on these nights, so we decided that we would "invite" her to join us! It's become quite a ritual, and it seems really wierd when, for some reason or another, we have to skip a week!
When I was growing up, Friday night was always "pizza night" at our house. We didn't have much money, it was just inexpensive frozen pizza, but it was always a treat. Something to look forward to, and a great way to start off the weekend!
What pleasant rituals and traditions might you be able to bring forward from your past?
JJ
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When my eldest daughter turned baby-sitting age, we started going out to breakfast every Sunday morning. It's cheaper than dinner-dates, but it gave us time alone together.
At one point, we became too busy to do pretty much anything together. We started a ritual wherein I would make coffee and bring it back to bed. We had coffee and chatted until it was time for me to go to work.
In answer to your question "What pleasant rituals and traditions might you be able to bring forward from your past?" I'd have to say none. These are a couple that I'd like to bring back, but it's not to be (at least right now).
I'm just posting them for anyone who might be looking for something "convenient." These two rituals don't require a whole lot of cash or time.
Oh yeah. Another one that would be nice for those whose spouses are amenable is the "one minute kiss." Pick a time of day, and take a pause for a kiss. Don't let go for a minute. Time it. It has to go on for a minute. It sounds kinda contrived, I know, but it's nice.
We have this "thing" where I will buy something from a gumball machine and we'll take turns hiding it around the house so the other will find it...it used to be a giant squishy rat...the most recent was a plastic "homer simpson".
we have little physical rituals...we used to have a secret handshake...now there's this thing where h will throw me over his shoulder and make it seem as though I'm going to go crashing headfirst into the ground...it gets the adrenelin running for both of us...
we also have regular movie dates...
and there IS that ritual that we do with champagne...
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
This caught my eye as my friend had emailed me this article back in august and I had forwarded it to my H (we are currently separated and he is having an A, wants the D-but nothing has progressed..I'm in the Infedelity forum)---
H and I have many rituals and it is those things that make me most sad in missing him. \
My most favorite was each and every morning since H got up before me for work, I'd hear him get his cereal, watch morning news, pet the kitty, take his shower and then after the shower he'd walk to my side of the bed and I'd sleepily turn to him, he'd kiss me, say he loved me, I'd smile and tell him I loved him to-to have a good day (and if bad weather to drive safe)--talk to you later. I'd then wait until I heard the garage door close and fall back to sleep with a smile on my face.
Before we bought our first house last year, we had a friday night ritual of dinner take out from our favorite restaurant 2 blocks from home--I'd pick it up on my way home and we couldn't wait to eat--the cat also couldn't wait as he always gots bits of the chicken too!
Early on in our "dating" days--sundays during football season were spent waking up in bed together, ordering breakfast from the diner a few blocks away, he'd go pick it up, we eat and then get back in bed to watch the morning game (snuggling in between plays and having a few plays of our own)
And now with the holidays upon us--I am starting to relive many of our holiday rituals that are special to us. Just hoping that he thinks about these too and thinks twice about the path he is choosing.
Finding a Christmas Tree will never be the same without him--it was always a pain in the butt--but I don't think either one of us would change it--we'd go to about 10+ lots before finding the perfect tree and over the years accumulated 3 tree stands because the trunks always got bigger than the previous year's stand! We'd decorate with "white christmas" on the tv, while I cited all the dialogue by heart... many other special rituals -- all bittersweet this year...
I really like this thread. I think rituals are essential to a healthy marriage - as long as they are healthy rituals.
I saw first hand how important rituals are when my H (who was at the time in alien mode) turned to me and sobbed his heart out as he explained how much he missed how he felt whenever we did some particular thing together - which turned out to be a "ritual".
Now that H and I are back on track, we have created new rituals that include making our own pizza from scratch once a week, watching a particular program together with a warm, creamy cup of coffee made by him first thing in the morning, and a nightly cup of tea that I make with fresh herbs from the garden.
We have many more such rituals now and I can attest to the postive influence they have in our marriage. It gives us a sense of continuity and stability amidst the chaos and unpredictabilty of the world outside.
