Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Maybe I should be in piecing part 3?

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Well, could be a radical head coming to our situation pretty soon. My boss just called me and said he's got a job lined up if I want it. and then kind of advised me to take it. Didn't say "YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT", but pretty much said, it would be a good idea if I did.

It's nothing definite, but he thought he could pull some strings to make it happen.

So.....do I talk to W now or wait until after our weekend trip? Or talk to her while we're on the trip?

A++++++++

Yes Yes Yes

Well, what's been your previous experience in this sort of thing?

My H and I find things very easy to talk about on vacations (he is 1000 times more relaxed), especially on road trips. We talk about lots of things in the car, I wonder sometimes if this is easier because we are not looking at each other. He's watching to road so he's more comfortable talking.

Anyway, a trip seems like a good time to talk to me, because of that, but you seem to have pretty good awareness of when your wife is receptive.

The other thing is that if you wait til you get back, then she might think, well have you known all this time and you didn't tell me til now? So another reason I vote for the trip being the time.

Again though, I'd say that if you've had past experiences that weren't successful in that context...you need to use your own best judgment.

Thanks Break.

This is new territory for me (us). We've always been able to talk about these types of things before. In fact, prior to the A, if something like this would have happened, I'd have been on the phone already telling her about it.

I like your idea about while we're driving this weekend.

I guess limbo land will end soon. Either she's ok or excited (hopefully) about the move or she'll be pissed and then I'll know my answer of where we stand and I can get on with my life.

There'll be lots of details to work out. I can imagine W wanting to stay through the end of her Temp assignment. If it happens, it could be good in that we (S16 and I) could move at the end of the semister (mid Jan) and W could follow Feb/Mar when her assignment is over.

I think I'll talk to her this weekend and see where she is. I don't want to wreck the weekend, but with a boss "suggesting" you take a position, it's kind of obvious it would be best for my career and I KNOW it would be best for us (including W if she goes). If not, time to move to the next chapter of my life.

Ok, one more question. Should I talk to her before the weekend so it's had time to sink in and if she's not excited, we could still enjoy the weekend?

I would talk to her tonight. She already knew it was a possiblity. This might be the thing that kicks her in the pants!

kat

Thanks Kat.

I hope you're right about the kick in the pants. Especially if she balks a little and I say S16 and I are going.

Let us know how it goes. Be open to any and all of her feelings about it. Try not to have an expected response from her that she will not live up to if she doesn't have it. Talk together like married couples do.

I will WDID.

I'm kind of ho-hum.

In a way, it's good because it'll finally show me where her head is, but in a way it's scary because what if her head isn't where I'd like it to be?

But I guess if that's the case, then I'll know it's time to move on with my life.

I'm getting ready to leave work. I'll let everyone know how it goes.

Well, I talked to W about the move. It wasn't too bad. S16 wants to go right now, but W thinks she and S16 should stay here until the end of the school year before moving.

I told her I knew she'd probably want to stay here until her temp assignment is over in Feb/Mar, but I thought it would be ok if we moved and S16 changed schools at the end of the first semester (mid Jan). She doesn't like that idea.

As we were talking about it, I said to her "you don't want to move"? And she said, "no, but I don't really have a choice". I was so close to saying, "yes you do", but I didn't go there.

I said to her, "so you're thinking I should go and you and S16 stay until the end of the school year and then you guys would move" and she said that's what she was thinking.

So, we still have to talk it out. No decisions made yet. I know she's upset, but she wasn't angry about it or anything. It's going to be hard for me if she complains about the move to not say "We are moving for one reason only, and that's your affair. If you hadn't had the affair I can guarantee we wouldn't be moving". I'm kind of torn whether to say that to her or not. I mean, that is the ONLY reason we're moving. And the sooner she see's that, the sooner she can possibly come to grips with the consequences of her actions.

Shortly after we talked about it, I had to go get a haircut. On the way to the haircut, I called her because I'd seen a big accident on the highway (it was really icy) and she was laughing, upbeat, etc. But when I got home she was kind of quiet. S16 was letting all his frustrations about the whole situation come out in the form of bit*hin about his school, etc. He went on for a good hour or more. I think it probably had an affect on W. Hopefully she get's the fact that if she'd have come to me prior to the affair and TALKED to me about her issues in the marriage, we wouldn't be moving right now, but she didn't and now I (and S16) HAVE to move, with or without her.

I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Finally I don't feel like I'm living in limbo land anymore. Either she'll move with us, which tells me she wants to try without her saying so, or she'll tell me she wants to stay and then I can move on with my life.

But it's still kind of sad that this is what my life has become.