Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy 2008 = Crazy Year (Energized 18)

PDT

I think they may not be quite as polar as they may seem (the other is calles "Considering Divorce". will wade into them and see.

BG - no I haven't seen the movie and likely will not at this point. It is not available in Canada and I have not had an opportunity to see it here in AZ. S13 and I have been busy which makes us

Quick update...

S13 and I head for home tomorrow. He was talking tonight about buying things for home, hawaii at xmas, next trips to the condo. So tonight, we had a chat.

I asked him what he thought about what was happening. He wasn't thinking about it because he enjoyed being away from the stress at home.

He thought two houses is what we should do. I then asked him why? He said there would be no more stress. Like when W was away on her vacation or this week. I asked if he thought the only thing that would be diff was that they wouldn't see mom and dad all the time. When he said yes, my fear was confirmed - SPIN.

I mentioned to S13 that I didn't want to scare him, but I thought he was a mature young man so he needed to know the reality.

There was a high probability that:
- condo sold (he was choked)
- hawaii off (really choked)
- sell house we are in
- other changes like things we do now (vacations, hockey camps, etc) as it costs a lot more to have 2 houses.

He had NO IDEA.

I also said I was fully supportive of going to a C but it should be their own C (obviously the spin was incredible from W and her own C).

So now the K's and I are chatting which is good. Also great to hear that it was good when W was away.

I felt soooooooo sorry for my son tonight, but so close to him at the same time.

The fun of it all. NOT!

Lost,

My heart ached for your son just reading that. I have a S15 and S12 myself (14 and 11 last summer, when all our chit happened), and it just kills me that you had to tell him that, but I think you did the right thing.

It's very, very good that you injected some reality into the situation, as your wife is likely spinning the hell out of him. DO tell him "everything will be okay," just not "everything will be the same." IMPORTANT DISTINCTION.

Puppy

Puppy

Thanks. Very good point. I did also reiterate that there was nothing that he or his sisters did or could do here. In no way was what is happening their fault.

Definitely the hardest part for me - what is happening to the K's.

I found that the hardest part was maintaining my LOVE for the woman that was doing this to the kids! (and her parents, and me, and . . . )

Puppy

(((Lost))) that must have been so hard, but I'm sure glad you did it. Its good for the kids to know the truth of the situation because if they believe the spin, when reality sets in its often much harder on them. I know the picture my parents painted for us and the reality were totally different. There was a lot of "but you said..." moments.

I have had to have several diffucult conversations with my DS12 lately and without giving him details he doesn't need, I have had to tell him things that have just torn my heart out to have to say.

I know its going to be the same for my DD and I dread it, but I will do it because I'm sure that it will be so much worse for her if H does it.

You did the right thing and you are a great dad.



This has become my struggle as well.

(((S&S)))

Thank you. And you fine lady are one hell of a mom (and person).

Stay strong. I am trying...

I would talk to the girls when you get home too. Just clear out some of the "bad thinking" that they have been exposed to. You are such a great Dad and I know the kids appreciate you being up front with them. have a good birthday tomorrow while you are at. My thoughts are with you.

kat

Thanks (((kat))).

Maybe I am biased, but why are all the good parents here????

And thanks for the early b'day wishes.

Ummmm, me thinks because we were the ones that were willing to see the big picture and not just the little photos our WAS' carry around with them of their fantasy world. Reality vs fantasy. Somehow I think we will be better off in the end.

kat