Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Maybe I should be in piecing part 3?

yep. Thanks for understanding where I am coming from. Most women I know would even love the idea of a bath and candles just for them. So I don't see it as a set up.

Let's just hope the mood strikes her!

kat

I do understand where you're coming from. I've thought about a lot of stuff since this chit began (and you guys have heard almost all of it!) and my W is just so funny. She LOVES those romantic things, but refuses to acknowledge most of them. It's like if she acknowledges that I've put in the effort and she likes it, then that messes up her "I don't need anyone" attitude.

Case in point. A few months ago, some of you will remember the discussion we had about whether I should buy her some flowers. Well, I did. When I got home with them she said, "those are pretty". Didn't say thanks, nothing. That was all the acknowledgement I got. And she wouldn't open the card in front of me. But ya know what? A couple days later I looked at the pictures on her phone and she'd taken a couple of pictures of the flowers. WTF? She obviously like them. Why not share that with me?

Same with some cards I've given her over the years. She will not even say anything other than a little giggle if it's a funny card or some disgusted snort if it's a romantic card, but then one day I'm cleaning and find this stash of cards that I've given her.

I know I said this a long time ago, but it's so true. On my cell phone I have W's cell number programmed in under the contact name of ICE. It's In Case of Emergency. I read somewhere that first responders will look at cell phones so they can try to find out who to call if you're out of it. So I put her cell number in under ICE. Now everytime she calls me it says ICE calling......and I just giggle because it's so appropriate.

She's a tough nut. And I know I've said it before, but her "I don't need anyone" attitude was one of the first things that attracted me to her. But now after all these years (and this A), I'd love for her to need me. Maybe she really does and realizes it and that's why she's being so stubborn, because if she admitted it that would wreck her "I am woman hear me roar" persona.

H4U,

Are you sure you're not married to the fetching Mrs. Choc/Puppy???

Man, I sooooo can relate.

Puppy

Hope, I have posted to you in the past but felt maybe I was not viewing the glass as half full like you were and wanted to pull back not to damper your spirit. But I do have one question, has your wife ever apologized about the affair?

I was wondering if she would feel pressure with the bed. Though she wants a new bed and stated clearly she wants to sleep in it with you...but she may feel it means I must then have sex with you and isn't ready. I guess you could say...why not put it down it means no longer sleeping on the couch! And it doesn't mean you have to have sex just sleep in/on it!! I just don't understand if she is willing to sleep in it with you why say don't set it up without the frame?? Men always see the couch as punishment I guess!! I hope she is saving up for this vacation!!

Apologized? I think she's apologized in the only way's she will allow herself to apologize for things. I've heard "I know what we did was wrong", "I'm somewhat ashamed of what we did", "I know we didn't handle the situation correctly" and some others along those same lines. But has she said "I'm sorry and I made a mistake?" Uh..NO.

But that's not really anything different from our whole marriage. She just doesn't verbalize her apologies. She apologizes in other ways (and I don't mean ML). As I've said before, she had a less than stellar childhood and her mom had two failed marriages so I think it's pretty much in her DNA to not apologize. That would be admitting she did some wrong, and she just doesn't do that.

Again with the bed! I'll think on what you said Flynn. Thanks for the comment.

Just trying to get you laid!!!

But seriously...its a major part of recovery and a big hurdle to overcome.

I don't think so because if my W lived in a warm place I'd never get her out of there, but maybe a long lost sister?

I appreciate your intentions!

I know it's a big part of recovery. The thing that's weird is she'll sleep in bed with me when we're out of town, but not at home. We had this discussion on my last thread and everyone is pretty much in agreement that W probably slept in OUR bed with OM and it freaks her out being in that bed with me now, so the sooner I can get the new bed set up, the better.

Last night was kind of quiet. W started her training for her temp assignment and I could tell she was pretty spent. We talked some about it and made dinner together and talked about a few other things, but I know she's stressing about this assignment. I keep reassuring her that she'll do great, which she will, but she always down plays her abilities. And I know that's one thing OM did for her, gave her confidence (she told me that) so I've been reinforcing how I KNOW she'll do great, and her boss will finally see just how valuable she is in her current job and how she's not being used to the best of her abilities. Our company has a saying that we try to get "everyone on the right seat on the bus" and I hope with this temp assignment that her management see's how her talents are being wasted in her current position.

This morning was good. Which is not normal for us. W is NOT a morning person at all. But she came downstairs before I left for work and we talked about her training and S16 and some other stuff. I told her she smelled good as she'd put on my favorite perfume and then I said "you look pretty da*n good too". She replied she smelled good because she skipped the shower this morning and wanted the perfume to cover up her lack of a shower and I said, "whatever works, you look and smell great today"! And she smiled at me.

I was getting ready to leave and was telling her that my nephew called me the other day about Disney. We're putting him and his wife and kids up in our time share in May and I was telling W about the conversation. I know she wanted to go out and smoke before S16 got up but she put up with me rambling about nephew before I realized she had other things on her mind. So I said "Oh, I better go, the roads are bad" and told her have a good day and I'd see her tonight. She smiled and told me to have a good day also. And I got a hug good by! Wasn't a full frontal, pressure in all the right places hug, but a hug none the less.

So, it continues. Really looking forward to this weekend's trip. I have a feeling that we'll connect again. If we do, maybe it'll be the last push she needs to get over the hump.

No expectations, I know, but it's so darn hard not to have them...