Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Another wife hit by the bomb #3

{{{Amy}}} Thanks for stopping by to say hey..I am not looking forward to my meeting with the lawyer tomorrow..SIGH...

Let's see, GAL plans: Well last night I went to Chic-Fil-A and got myself a sandwich/fries/lemonade and then went to Barnes and Noble and read just whatever for a few hours (wandered the store aimlessly LOL)..

Tonight I"m kinda in a blah mood (probably because of tomorrow and because I had sorta a weird/panicky/anxiety thing last night, I dunno..but anyway)..I think I want to take the kids out to eat cause I just don't feel like cooking, so maybe to Applebees.

I keep trying to get up with a friend of mine to grab coffee, so possibly this week we will. And then Saturday my son and I are headed to another Wake Forest game cause my mom has season tickets and they will be out of town, so we are using theirs..so that will be fun anyway

Tawnya

Hi Tawnya...just wanted to say Hi before going to bed...to
sleep...ahh...sleep has become my favorite thing and it can be such hard work!!

Your daughter's response reminded me that my sister feels my parents should have divorced WAY back. That opinion doesn't set well with me....I am proud that they stayed married til my dad died and I felt they had a strong bond.

So...different sets of eyes and personalities, I guess.

I believe though that our kids try to be strong for us so that we, the LBS, the one that isn't 'faltering' on them...stays strong and doesn't do the leaving or ending of the marriage. They are scared to death that mom and dad will divorce and they do NOT want a step parent.

I think teenagers and our MLC'ers...think alike.

I think it's a lot of pressure our kids put on themselves to help us because they are hoping with all their might, that we won't divorce our spouse.

I am a horrible writer...I hope that makes sense.

My S13 tells me it is my time to be a SAINT....and hold tight for his dad to get a grip on life and grow up.

My kids are depending on me to hold everything together....and I have done that by finally detaching enough to keep H's mood swings and drama out of our house.

This is such a long journey...my kids have grown and matured 3 years during my H's MLC...disappear-o act.

I remember thinking...no way will I put up with this more than 3 months!!!

Well...I put up with it for 18 months...then started letting go and detaching....for another 18 months.

After the stuff I've been through this week...I really feel detached. God has helped talk me through it with a lot of pep talks, reminders...and humor.

Each day is a challenge...and I didn't contact my H in any way, shape or form today...and I didn't want to:)

thanks for stopping by my saga thread....see ya later

{{{{Sophie}}}} Thanks for stopping by MY saga thread LOL!

Yeah..you are right about the kids and of course they would want their parents together, no kid wouldn't..but, you know, for your S13 to say that about you being a saint really shows how much they KNOW what you are sacrificing, at least to some extent, doesn't it?

Good for you about not talking to your hub..yeah..I didn't talk to mine either..

Tawnya

Tawnya

I have also found it best to try to keep what is said to me by the kids between us....sometimes it is really hard....but I am getting better

Yeah..my hub doesn't know anything about any of the stuff that my kids said..they both will talk to him about it when he brings it up to them..their decision to do that

Thanks for stopping by {{{carpenter}}}

Tawnya

{{{{Tawnya}}}} How are you doing? How did the lawyer thing go? I know it's a big step. Glad to hear you have plans for this weekend.

I have been doing some retail therapy, it's helped a lot actually.

Sounds like you are doing OK, though. Need help with anything? Pls post in my threat in Infidelity if I don't check in with you. I hang out there quite a bit lately. If you give me a shout there, I will remember to come back here and touch base. Sorry in advance, things have been hectic lately.

{{{PM}}}} thanks for checking in with me..I need to go read your thread..actually I probably should post there too..LOL..but I tend to hang here in the newbies

Hmm..well the lawyer thing was good and yucky..yucky only because I didn't want to go..LOL. Basically she said:

1) I will definitely get child support (obviously)

2) I am entitled to alimony, better if we come to an agreement about it without going to court, but that I could sue for it if I wanted, but the amount I would get each month would be roughly around 500ish..so, I think, if it comes down to it, I will tell hub that's what it should be and see what he says. All total, it could be around 800-1000 a month with child support and alimony (don't think my hub is expecting that LOL)

3) I actually COULD sue for alienation of affection (LOL love that NC law)..but it is suing the OW and some people have won some hefty sums..but I dunno that I would go that far..lots of legal fees, etc..but interesting bargaining chip if hub doesn't want to do the separation agreement amicably

4) The fact that he admitted to me verbally about the OW would hold up in court, along with his receipts for meals that he pays for both of them, which I would have as records on our online bank statement, tho he says I can't prove it, he would have to be questioned about them under oath and go from there, if it came down to it

5) The sad and interesting part is that unless I have more hours at this job or get another job, I probably can't afford the house very easily at the end of the year's separation, if it would come to that, but also hard to sell right now, not much equity in the house as we just moved in 1 1/2 years ago..so that's an up in the air topic that I'll leave there for now

6) The lawyer brought up another point that irks me, she said that, while daughter who will be 18 is out of the mix for child support, that the money hub will use as an extra house/apartment is money that won't be spent on her college (argh)...which is another annoying thought to add to the mix

I asked about hiring a PI, because alimony would be a pretty sure thing even more with proof, but she said it probably wouldn't be worth it unless I had $2000+ to spend on it, which I don't..

So..at least I know what's what, but honestly I don't feel much better in knowing..SIGH

Tawnya

You might not really feel much better knowing this stuff; but this knowledge will allow you to make better decisions. Because now you know what the ramifications of those decisions could have on your settlement; should it eventually come to that.

(((((Tawnya)))))

tom

Tom..yeah..I just want him to cover the basic stuff when he moves out at the first of the year, like he says he is going to..at least the mortgage..sigh..

I just dunno if he's really thought that thru..and then I think, should I come up with a separation agreement that spells all that out, and then I think I don't want to have to come up with any of this cause I don't want any of this..so I guess I should wait and see what he tells me his plans are as far as moving out/forward toward the beginning of the year and THEN I will tell him I want some sort of agreement drawn up about child support/mortgage/when the kids come over, etc..I guess?

Tawnya

Yes, when he decides to move out; you should have an agreement that outlines those things. Make sure that you follow through with that too; it's important that he is made aware of just what this will cost.

My W had all these grand ideas about moving out on her own. I think once I started hitting her with the reality of what it is going to cost and what I am willing to pay/not pay for; she seems to have backed off. She's still staying somewhere else at night; but all of her stuff is at the house and she acts like she has no plans on moving it anywhere.

Right now she comes and goes; but her all of her talk points to inner confusion. She really has no idea; just knows that she doesn't want to stay.

tom