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Whoa! I am starting to think that I have a real communication problem. I am so misunderstood here and in the real world. Maybe that is why H won't talk to me.

I did not mean to say that ANYONE is telling me not to be who I am.
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To me these words say to just let him be and don't do the things I have been talking about. Wrong?

I guess at this point I'm wishing I would have stayed in the shower with him longer and washed his back. Enjoyed the moment longer. It's what I wanted to do but afraid it was too much too soon. If I feel like climbing on the couch with him, why not? Right now he's doing ALL of the intiating in anything sexual or touch or closeness. That is the way it was for us for the last 5+ years or more. I want that to change. I want to show him that I want him. I want to touch him. Why not now? If I wait will it be too late?


That was the part of me that I got from my mother and tried so hard to keep buried. A huge mistake that I made. One that will not be repeated. Guaranteed!


Absolutely. And I've known this for a long long time. But neither one of us knows how to change it. I am trying. He's stuck. I can't change how he feels or make things better for him. But I can show him a light.



No WCW, I see what you are saying but it didn't come off like that. I said that to my H because I am so hurt and angry at him for sooo many things. But right now he is not ready to hear all the why's. It was a short and to the point way to say "Damb you for wanting to leave AGAIN!"

TOH

I just got a glimpse of some of the things above and you said somethihng like what is wrong if you want to climb on the couch with him, etc. From what I have seen with MLCers is that they don't always like this. Yes, they may initiate intimacy of some sort but it is not something that is done regularly and their moods and feelings change at all times. I would not assume or expect this to happen all the time.

They do not like to feel smothered, mothered, be told what to think, feel, what to do.

They like that you would give them space, time, not asking a million questions.

Also, stop being so judgmental and getting mad about if he is staying, leaving, why he does this/that, etc. In order for you to successfully get thru this time, you have to do a lot of letting go and leave him be.

mwg,
I have not said or done anything. Just putting here what I want and feel, but to H I am still and leaving him alone. The subject of him leaving has not been brought up again. He has been really kind to me since that morning but I've just been doing my own thing and not pushing him.

Heard last night that BIL offered H to use his truck way last week. H never told me nor did he take him up on it. Our truck goes to the garage I think today. I guess we'll see...

Wow TOH must be weird to have your h home again. I don't understand you though. Why would you say I hate you. You really mean I hate your behavior.

Would a 180 be for you to say we could go together and check on your place or h I support whatever direction you need go with your life if that means going back to your place then I know you need to do that for you.

That would say more than I hate you! Must be nice though having your h at home every night. I can only pray and hope that God brings my h home.

glam it is very weird. Good but the wonder is wearing on me. And your right, I should have said "I hate that you want to go". At the moment, it came out wrong. I don't hate him, just this MLC and his choices...

and even though it will hurt like hell if H decides to go back to his house, I do support him. Above all else, I wish him happiness. Just wish he could find it with himself and decide to share it with me...

it has been wonderful having him here every day and evening. But I still miss him terribly, make sense?

I pray and wish for your H to come home too glam
(((glam)))
TOH

Thanks TOH. I do understand missing the old h even though he is at home for now. I am seeing more and more of the old h every week. I think the old self eventually emerges.

I hope your right. But I also pray that my H will make changes for him. I see my old H there but without making changes for himself things will definately go back to the way things were before MLC and we may end right back to S again. I can make all the changes in the world but I can't make him do things differently.

Like I can suggest to do different things but if he won't agree to do them then here we sit. I can love him differently but if he pulls away then it's still the same.

I see H making baby steps in doing things differently. But there is so much more...I guess we'll see.

Had a pretty good weekend. To me it seems we are connecting so much more. But still no talk about what he is thinking or planning on doing. Many times over the weekend H would make a comment or something and instead of saying something I would just stare at him and he would stare back. I feel it but don't know if he does.

At the end of the day yesterday H asked me if I wanted to go for a ride with him. We drove around the gravel roads just looking for deer and talking about crops and stuff. I enjoyed it, hope he did too. BIL left his pickup for H to drive yesterday. So he now has wheels of his own. But yet he stayed last night. Went to work this morning (he's on days this week). Don't know if he'll be here tonight or not. I seen yesterday too that H brought home the blade for the four wheeler. He used it last year at his place to push snow. Don't know why he'd bring it here. I didn't ask.

Slow and steady. Quiet and patient....

Was busy at work yesterday. Thank goodness, we've been soooo slow. It's makes for such long days. Could use some extra hours but after twiddling your thumbs for 6 or 7 hours I can't wait to get out of there.

H worked late but came here after work. He paced around for awhile, like he couldn't decide if he was staying or not. He was pretty quiet and cold to me but good with D17. He stayed but slept on the couch. Seemed to be in a much better mood this morning.

It is so damb hard not asking what he is thinking, feeling, planning! It's hard holding back, not to reach out to him! But I am and I'm praying every second that it is the right thing to do right now...

Well, it happened...
My H went back to his home tonight. He said he was going back there to try and figure out what he wants. He said he wasn't saying he wasn't coming back but he's not saying he won't. OW is not a part of his life anymore. Still maybe thinks he needs to just be alone. To not have anyone. Doesn't have to worry about making anyone happy.

I told him it is not his job to make me happy, that is for me to do for myself. Just as I cannot make him happy. He said he doesn't want to go back. I said I don't either. But in order for us to do things differently WE have to do things different. I can make all the changes in the world but he has to make changes too. The biggest thing is for him to learn to talk to me, and I have to learn to listen.

Other things were said, but you get the gist. This hurts like hell people. Thanks for listening...

TOH,
My H just moved out yesterday, 13 months post-bomb, signed a year's lease on an apartment, said he needs some time and space to figure out what to do. Sound familiar? I think I know how you feel. Try for no expectations...

Peace,
Dawn