Well the W's best friend called me this morning. She wanted to drop me a line because there are things going on that she feels I need to know about. First, she told the W that she didn't care much for her "boyfriend" and really doesn't want to ever see him again. She told me that my W had mentioned the pics being down and made the commnet "I'm glad he's moving on". She said you'd have to be an idiot to believe that commnet. She says she is contradicting herself quite a bit. Her commnet was she was never a liar, and now I am catching her lying in every conversation. She told me she believes my W is lying tyo make herself feel better about her situation. I offered nothing in this conversation. I just recevied, didn'ty analyze didn't offer an opinion.
This is her best friend and she seriously believes my W's dispotion and life are getting worse. She lies more now than when this started, she is truly not happy and she literally has no friends. She thinks the crash is iminent. She also thinks it will be sooner than later. Her telling the W that she doesn't care for the boyfriend has set a boundary with her friends. She asked how I was doing. I told her fine, keeping busy, whatnot.. She then asked if I was prepared to possibly take her back. I thought that was odd. Told I would be prepared as long as she was prepared to come back and commit. Apparently the W is hearing from the grapevine that I have a life, going to the gym, line dancing lessons that she just found out about last night , going to parties and getting invited out to dinners. HEr commnet to that was, "Well he seems to be moving forwrd, good for him, at least one of us is."
This friend of the W is very, very close to her. She says she is seeing the things I told her about 3 months ago. she said she kind of saw them, but she says now they are blatant. This woman is not a BS type of person, not is she a gameplayer. She is like a sister to me so she doesn't sugar coat anything. She told me that my W doesn't look happy but plays the game like she is. She is definitely saying things to make her decision look positive. All of this I know from the book. She thinks her telling my W what she thought of her "friend" may open her eyes. She offered to me, at the end of the phone call, that my W is in serious denial about the fact that she has made the biggest mistake of her life and guilt is written all over her face. She told me to be prepared, I may be getting a phone call soon....Don't really know what she meant, not really getting my hopes up...She wants me to come over tomorrow night to see her and her husband because she wants to tll me things that she can't over the phoe. Positive things...
Nope 2x4 absolutely welcome. It took me a couple of days to see what you saw in my writing, glad I came to the same conclusion, reinforcs my thoughts and made me feel much better. I just posted this phone call from her best friend. My W life is now having serious boundaries set, even by her friends. Timing is everything. I can't really read much into it other than the fact that all my earlier observations are now at least being confirmed by he other people closest to her right now. There is the possibility, my W's friend thinks, that she may be close to admitting she has made a mistake. She slso used your glass box analogy which made me laugh.
that's why I wanted to post. this seems to becoming consistent remarks from the people around her. I have not discussed the situation with anyone nor do I offer an opinion. Her friends do feel the need to let me know when they think things are changing. I tend to note it and move on. Until I see it from her or hear that the OM is gone, I believe nothing.
Once again I find myself wanting to do something to get my R/M in line. I know I need to stay cool and dark. I just have this feeling that I should reach out to her in some fashion, in some way to let her know I'm here.
Your daughter has let her mother know that you are still available so there's no sense in sticking your head outta the hole just to get it shot off.
There does however come a point for many DBers when they feel it is time to test the waters. You have only been here since September though so I doubt your time is now. That said, it's certainly your call.
Personally, I think you're just bored.
And idle hands are the devil's playground, ya know...
Actually my d response to her mother last week was he isn't going to wait for you forever. Mis type on my part. Not bored, mostly lonely. But you are right. I think its only been just shy of two weeks since packing her clothes and pictures away. Her birthday is the 19th. I may wait until then.
But it is like you and Sandi have said, I can't get overanxious when I hear things or get signs about her. I think I have made an impression by my recent actions, my being dark and cool around her when that happens only emphasize what my daughter had said. Maybe she is already wondering about me moving on with someone. did you ever get that feeling with your H?
OK, tested waters....She had text me about the gym fees. Told her it was all set. Text her back "where r u with us f anywhere". I know I shouldn't have done it, felt I needed to. anyway, the response I got was if I want to do gifts for Xmas from both us or seperate. Text her back and said haven't thought about it, figured I'd get them gifts from me. Getting gifts from us would seem strange. She felt it would be cheaper. I don't want to do this with her because I do not want to enable her. I also don't want to be getting some false connection going. I believe I am right in my stance on this. Don't expect to hear anything back from her on this matter, and I will go dark again.
I have tested the waters and the response was what I more or less expected, nothing, ignored. Nothing ventured nothing gained. I am feeling weird about her again. don't know why. Have a busy weekend planned, cleaning out closets and the basements, yee haw...
It appears she is thinking at least a month or so into the future regarding Xmas and presents. The impression is that we will not be together at any level of a relationship during the holidays so I have that question in my mind answered. Won't have to wonder if there will be an us during that time. Its sad, but rather deal with it now and get past it. I will keep my plans unchanged for the holidays.
I am definitely getting over anxious and have started to calm myself and set some new goals. I have set my focus on getting some things accomplished around my house that need to be done. At the cmpletion of these projects I will re-evaluate my position and review, what if any, signs had appeared. I need to see that she has hit the floor with all of this before I expect anything. She is not there yet and I have made myself understand this. AmyC the glass box analogy is defintely holding water here. She is moving in a way that would indicate she is "connected" to everyone and everything. She is not by any level. My older D is very upset with the fact that her mother told the MIL that she talks to her every day. the D went off. she barely speaks to her mother 1 a week. She is sick and tired of her mother putting her in this situation. Apparently the MIL questioned the kids. I called her and put an end to it. But the story is that the W is telling the MIL she connects with each child daily and knows whats going on. The younger D living with me gets a text message of hows it going 4-5 times aweek. Some actual face to face maybe 1-2 times aweek when she stops by the house and an occasional phone call about 1 a week. She apparently took it upon herself (the D) to text her mother to stop lying about how often they communicate. My son hears from her maybe 1 a week, he calls her. The last D, hasn't heard fromher mother in 3 weeks. It appears the worse her situation gets, the more connected she tries to make herself feel. Is this typically what happens? I feel much better now typing all this....I hate pestering AmyC and Sandi and Tgone with this, but this site really does make me feel better by letting me sound off.
Her wanting to send Xmas gifts to the kids form us is crap. This way she will have two things going for her: 1. She will be able to spend more cause it will be my money and 2. She will feel as connected as I am. There, said it, believe it.
