I never really did think about his feelings..again I assumed he is just going along with life...maybe liking single living so much that he does not want me...when he may be struggling with what to do next. what can I do to help him..beyond what I feel like I am doing now..for myself...or should I leave him alone to figure it all out? I always seem to want to be the fixer..the doer..duh....maybe that is why I have "done it all" aound the house all these years..I need to let others be accountable for their share..household and in the m!!!
Sue
p.s. if I ramble long enough I answer my own dilemas!!
Sue, one of the other posters (Raindeer?) called it a see-saw. The more you do, the less they may feel they have the opportunity to do. Please take that with a grain of salt.
So true..Rick.....for all our years of m..I did it all..all h had to do was come home at night, go to bed, get up and go to work...everything was done...I think he likes doing his laundry..shopping..things will be different if he comes home...but those things are not the major problems..
I see that with my H. He is enjoying picking up stuff for his new home, ordering things and doing stuff for himself. Since I became a stay at home mom, I do almost all around the house, I guess he is missing it and this is his way of finding it again.
How about next time he comes over wear a black bra under a tight white t-shirt? See if then you notice him checking you out!
Jackie....I had to laugh at the black bra...white t shirt...I am way too reserved to wear something like that, and h would probably think it was trampish!!!! But who knows I have been becoming more bold....I walk on my lunch hour and one of the attorneys that comes in the courthouse told me he saw me and that I had a nice touse(s?) I did tell h that too..he just smiled.......
Do they still make those jeans with the see-through butt?
Okay, maybe too trampish, but how about one of those loose knit shirts that let the bra show through? Just jump start the eye-balls popping out of his head. Get him thinking!
Just journaling...saw h at church this morning..we seem to talk so easily about many things...and while I have been wondering alot more lately that things are not moving any where..I stopped today and thought..hey.. we are talking so much less tense than just a year ago...then 8 months ago...oh we never yelled and screamed before..we just were too tense to really enjoy talking about anything..and look a year later we can talk and laugh about dumb things..so I am going to grasp this as a BIG thing..do I wish he would come home right now? I guess yes and no..I want things to be right again..I want him to want me..but there has to be changes for all that to happen, and I am not sure he is quite to that yet..I really am not sure if he wants to make this work..although that is what he said a year ago...so until there is some clue(aside from the "talk")I will continue to work on me and enjoy the way the r is now.
We get so caught up on what should be happening that we forget to look at what really is... Our town has a big pumpkin fest this weekend..big parade Sun..this is the first time in many years I am not going...I don't know if h is..it's times like this that I wish he would call ME and ask me to go....that is one thing I do have trouble with..that he has not invited me for anything we have done this past year...which brings me back to"this is the way he has always been"..or he"really does not want to encourage me"...of course the negative me always leans to he does not want me..... but like so many of you have pointed out..he can always say no when I ask him..that would sure get the message across to me if he told me that too many times, and it would not have taken much effort on his part..
Go! Find a friend, take some kids, go alone if you have to, but GO! Why not? It sounds like a blast.
And if H IS going, well won't he be surprised to see you there...having a LIFE!!
Would going there despite no invite from H be a 180 for you? I suspect so... so DO IT! If he's NOT there, won't it be fun to tell him all about what he missed???
Hi..Shiny...and yes going alone would be very strange for me..I don't do things like that.....most of my friends had their own famliles over..and anyways I survived..but funny thing..both our kids were around at lunchtime..so dd called her dad on the way to a fast food joint and asked if he wanted to join us..he did..I was so scared that he would tell her that he was going to parade..but I was going to get past it if he did..we are s and I have trouble sometimes with those feelings of not doing all the things we used to do together..anyway..he came and we were talking and i said I was a little sad that I was not going to the parade, as we have always gone...he said because I had mentioned earlier in the week that I might walk in the parade with one of our judges that is running for office, that he never gave it another thought..so if I had just asked him.. sounds like he might have gone with me...oh well. We had a nice lunch..I am feeling so much like before all this stuff, when I am around him...that is a good sign..
