Maybe it just caught him off guard, being invited over for dinner. He is an adult, if he wanted to say no, he could! Hasn't he in the past?
I understand, though, the concept of the "cold" H showing up. I like your plan, stay positive and stay away from R talks. Enjoy the night, maybe flirt with him a bit. Treat him like a first or second date. Do you normally flirt with him? Surprise him!
All S act like that when you ask them to do something with them. Don't take it personally; it's just about them.
Have fun, and I agree no R talk unless H wants to. Let him know he can relax when he comes there, by not having any pressures. When he knows that he can relax the next time he may seem more excited about coming over!
Well..h came for pizza...I had decided to change from my WARM sweatshirt to a slightly tighter t shirt..but he did not have any interest what so ever in ME..we watched "The Italian Job" (great movie) and he went home..end of evening. But it was nice..I thanked him for coming and spending the evening with me...we were both relaxed and clam..I almost lit the candles, but thought it might freak him!!!
Quote: Well..h came for pizza...I had decided to change from my WARM sweatshirt to a slightly tighter t shirt..but he did not have any interest what so ever in ME
mornin' sue,
let's see are you assuming that h had no interest in you because he didn't act or comment on the tight shirt??
have you never been out somewhere when your friends tell you someone has been looking at you all night and you never even noticed?
is it possible that h did notice and was interested but felt he had no right to act??
and as far as not being interested in you, could he not have gotten pizza and a movie without you?
Quote: I wish he would tell me the truth...if he really..really does not to be with me TELL ME..I am stronger than most people think...I will survive.
Yeah, the question is...will HE Survive?
They are as unsure of themselves and what you're REALLY thinking/feeling about them as we are of them. We haven't cornered the market on feeling insecure, they're just as afraid of being rejected by us.
They are really torn about being around us. Their attachment to us makes them want to say YES, but their guilt and negative self talk makes them want to say NO.
As for you H not seeming to notice your "T-Shirt"....don't be so sure about that. Even in my Hs coldest moments I'd catch him sneakin a peak and then wonder why he acted like I was a cyclops so...who knows. It's almost as if they're ashamed to get those 'warm and fuzzy' feelings for us after having betrayed us so ruthlessly. It's all about thier guilt and not really about us.
My H is still acting at times like he wants to smack his own hand if he reaches out to touch me without thinking. They really are nervous, probably more than we are in alot of ways, because WE still know who WE are...they're the ones that lost their way and got confused about their life, the world and us, we didn't.
Keep that PMA up and keep being friendly around your H and before ya know it...it'll be pizza and a 'can I stay the night." T2
great insigh in this last post. ANd so true.While we're all wrapped up in our own feelings of insecurity and rejection we don't often remember that we don't have the monopoly of those feelings. They happen on the "other side" too. Great post nightshade
"Each and every one of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought and the gift of understanding. "
You are all so great.....why do I keep assuming things...because it has become second nature for most of us here..am I close to being right?? Maybe he was looking...he was always a toucher..and I am more reserved..but I know that I look pretty good..I weigh less than I have in 20 years... I keep forgetting that he has issues..or guilt..or doubts that may or may not include me...he always maintained from the beginning that there was nothing romantic or anything like that and I always felt down deep in my heart that to be true, and have come to the peace that he was telling the truth, but something did happen...and he is probably struggling with all that.
T2...oh to hear"can I stay the night?" I will hold on to that!!
You all have a great week ahead.....we truly are blessed if we just open our eyes,our minds and our hearts a little wider.
Hi Sue, You probably keep jumping to assumptions because the beginning of all this mess caught you by suprise. So now you are super sensitive to everything he says and does.
It's OK to pay attention to what he says and does, just don't belive it or at least react to it. And I agree that he probably thinks he has no right to be looking at you that way right now.
