Wow..I figured no one would notice if I disaapeared!!!Again I underestimate my worth..
Last Sat.got a call that my elderly Aunt was very sick in Nebraska..she has no kids, so my sister and another aunt and uncle drove out there..on Tues which was my birthday we removed all life support and she passed away Wed..my sister and I came back yesterday as there is a service here Monday.......so I have been gone and was getting dbing withdraws!!! Through all this my h has been great, I called him for support and wisdom on things....he calmed me down when I was at wits end from the tension and lack of sleep..had I asked him to come, he probably would have..he arranged some things here(despite my sister being rude to him)she has never likde him, and now feels like he is not part of the family...last night when I got home he stopped by and he was talking to me about how she had made him feel..he had gone and talked to our pastor and tried to sort if he had really done something wrong.. He said that he is still my husband, and that even if he weren't he would do anything he could to help... affirmed over and over how much I needed him, and that it is her problem. When he left HE hugged me and we cried together. He told me to get a good nights sleep...we are going to his nieces wedding tomorrow and I am so looking forward to something happy for a change...
So many emotions..so little sleep..but I see big steps with h. I am becoming more and more confident to talk to him down the road..I get the feeling(yet I doubt myself and wonder if it is just what I want)that he is drawing closer to me..but who knows.
Hope everyone is well...will catch up little by little
Just journaling.........went to wedding with h, had a great time...I asked him to dance...it felt so good...but we had nothing to talk about as we danced...I find we have nothing to say when we are alone..oh we talk work, kids, church..but that won't build a r much less a m.....are these all the signs that he does not have any interest in me period....that he's only being courteous as I am the mother of his children....his brother told us he is getting m over Thanksgiving..wants us to come to Maryland..said i was welcome as I am still a member of the family...but how long is this going to go on??????????? I know, I know..the only way I am going to know for sure is to ask........I jsut needed to vent and re ask these questions again.
He was so kind at my Aunts funeral..he and sil sang...so beautiful......my sister was bent that he helped, but he told his sister that he is still married to me....
Maybe he is unsure how to talk to you, confused about what his place with you is, so he sticks to safe subjects.
Can you plan some conversation starters before you see him. Philosophical questions, questions about his dreams, not necessarily about the relationship, but about his dreams, ambitions, or yours.
I forget what H and I talked about before kids, now it seems to be only that, but there is more, I think we need to rediscover it--our hopes and dreams for the future. There is still a lot of it to go.
here ya on the nothing to talk about bit...but sometimes I do notice that silence isn't so bad...but then just when I'm starting to enjoy the silence and get comfortable with it h just starts a rambling away...
Was just catching up on others threads..nothing new in my life...unwinding from the wedding and funeral.. This weekend is my"Christmas" party picnic..need to remind h that he said he would go..
Wish I could say things are different..better..but I can say they are not worse...
h lease is up in Nov...I am not going to ask..but I would guess that he has already had to renew it if he was going to. I feel like the r talk is going to be coming..from me that is, as I feel stronger(at least today) to get some answers of where he is, and I hope I can handle them, whatever they are.
I was bubbling over this morning and wanted to call H. Wanted to ask, "what do you want from me?" shot, $hit or get off the toilet. But some friends over on MLC told me to zip it! They were right, again!
Be careful what you send out, it might come back to slap you in the face. Remember, "pick your wars, wisely"
Christmas party?? ... but I haven't even gone "Trick or treatin'" yet?
What if you don't approach talking to H from the point of an OR talk, but about where does he feel he is at now ... or where does he feel he is going? ... or if the future is too scary to contemplate right now ... how about asking what he thinks the last year has been like for him?
Sue, everytime you come by this bb, you make me smile and the more reason to smile the better! So I hope will continue to visit often!
I had left a message at work Fri to remind h about picnic..never heard from him, almost called him again to see if he had gotten it..but I didn't..he came over Sat..and walked in with a great smile on his face..I said "What's so funny"..he said "Nothing..it's just me" I said"oh..yes it is you and I like that".So we went to "Christmas/picnic"..had a good time, but I was ready to leave after a few hours..and too many biting bugs...we talked on the way home about his sister, and church..I thanked him for going and he actually said "your're welcome".
Another thing that is bugging me, I will be getting quite a large sum of money from my Aunts estate...I know this is not what I should be thinking..but do I keep it in my name, or should I put h name on it also...I think I know what most people will say..but I also feel like the right thing to do is put his name on it.but then it becomes marital property and IF we travel down that road half would be his. But I guess I think who supported me for most of our m...he has shared "his" paycheck and never demanded that I work..just a thought to throw out.
As to your Aunt's money. KEEP IT IN YOUR NAME ONLY. You can always add H IF and WHEN he is back home and your M is really on the mend, until then don't do anything that jeopardizes any financial accruement you have. Sorry, I know that sounds poopy...but we women tend to soften to easily to soon, much to our own demise. Any money your H contributed to your lifestyle while married was his OBLIGATION, it wasn't charity. YOU DO NOT owe him any of the inheritance that your Aunt so generously left you. ALSO, the courts look at inheritances as solely the property of the inheritor.
