Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again long time....

Its been a while since I have been here.... juse celebrate my two years of separation (working on myself) last sunday.

Here is a briefing of it all... two years ago H left for OW coworker, said he did not love me etc.... Filed for D (actually found out through a message on my answering machine) in december 2007, divorce was final by january 31st. He then in early april married this OW. He never said but I knew... that super sense we have for these things.

I met a great man in january and have been dating on and off (poor man) since then. I have broken this guys heart more times than he deserves yet he sticks around, even asked me to marry him. We have been more serious since june. In july I finally had my gut feeling confirmed at our D5 soccer game. So I felt at ease to move on with my life, knowing that I had tryied almost everything and it had been a over a year. Yet I had never truly shut the door on my hopes of him returning.

Well oddly enough september comes around and he now wants back in.... I am just worried he is going to mess with my head. I have not left my BF as I am not willing to let go of a great guy for just words. He is still living with her and nothing seems to have changed. He writes everyday,and seems to be serious, has asked for a transfer in his work and all....

Just wondering what you all think of this, should I keep my guards up, I am loosing sleep and get snappy for stupid things which is not at all like me.

Thanks a million. My prayers are with you all.
Me 33
H 38
D 4
D 5

Wow! thats a serious dilemma for you - what are your options as you see them right now?

and further to that what are the upsides and downsides of each?

i see you have a couple of d's - how do they play in this? have they seen their Dad regularly? And what do they make of your current partner???

best - gFI

My daughters adore my bf.... they do see their dad on a regular basis even if we dont have shared custody. They are sick of their dad moving (he moved 3 times in the last 2 years)and honestly cant say they miss him all that much. They do love him but my bf gets the same welcome! To my kids eyes my bf is just a friend of mom's. They have no clue as we never kiss in front of them.

I prayed eveyday for him to come home.... but then I met this great guy and part of me was using him to get the other reacting but at the same time I fell into the trap and started having feeling for the man!!!! They say careful for what you wish for cause you just might get it all... well here I am!!! Both options look good... XH looks a bit better as I have kids with him and know what to expect in day to day life.... BF is however the sweetest soul I have ever met!

Life with XH was good and then a depression hit and he took off with OW. Work was more important than his family. He hardly ever had time for the girls.... would skip a night and not take it back.... but he seems to have come full circle. Has been going to therapy and wants "his" family back.

I guess I know where I am heading and that is back with him yet at the same time I kind of would like to keep my safety exit clear!!! I know its not OK, I am having anxiety attacks cause of it! If both are really willing to put forth all the effort needed what are the odds of comming out with success.... I know its the best for our children in the long run... nothing worst than having two homes and going back and forth!

Can depression cause all this heartache!!!???

Are you saying that your h has/had depression? what was the trigger? Do you think?...

GFI

Is it treated?

The answer - yes personally i do think depression can cause all that heartache...GFI

As for what cause the depression... well lets just say he overworked himself... actually we both did... we build two homes had two kids in less than 3 years.... plus he got a big promotion and became a very high powered manager at work. We lost touch with each other along the way. He focused on his carrer and me on making sure everyone was as happy as possible... yet I forgot myself along the way!

GFI.... how are things with you and your wife... how long have you two been separated???

hi there chaflo,

Well the bomb came in feb 2007 - i hung on in there thinking that my presence would be positive - but as it turned out it was probably counter to that...i've been in my own house now since mid September 2008...

best - GFI

Oh - and things with my wife - well ... she asked for "space" as soon as the bomb was dropped - that involved me finding that she was having an affair...well, i procrastinated, didn't know to do - just thought that if I stayed in there and mended my ways the everything would work out - stupid DAM!!!!

We went from love to hate...to tolerance for the sake of our S6

its taken a while - but honest to god - i would not have predicted the relationship we have right now! I have no expectations but hopes...but it takes an enormous amount of love and selflessness...

best - GFI