Quote: It is amazing what a new color on the walls can do to life yoour spirits..the bedroom is next...I have some ideas for a cottage look..but again..it is still "our" bedroom, even though he's not here..it is very hard for me to just go and redo things..I try to put myself in his place and I know I would not like him redoing "our" home to only is liking.
sue right now it's your bedroom not his...decorate it however you like...lift your spirits!! I did not consult my h one iota about decorating while he was gone...I put up new shades, hung pictures and even moved some furniture around. Did that make him feel like I was moving on without him..or rather doing ok with out him..you betcha...but look what happend...he came home.
Quote: did your h tell you he felt like his ideas did not count? I don't know at this point if that is how my h feels..I think some of that plays a part..I have always done EVERYTHING..from cooking to garbage out..and now I look back and wonder why didn't I ask for help..or insist on help..I was an at home mom for so long that it all just got done..now h is doing own laundry..cleaning(maybe), cooking, paying bills...all the things I took over and did..
Yes, and has since told me that he never felt like our home was his, that he wants a place of his own, decorated the way he wants - this in spite of the fact that I could never get a response or input from him. In fact, one time he entrusted me with finding a home for us and he was going to sign the papers for it sight unseen. The realtor insisted that he see it first and we did actually both enjoy the home, but still ...
upon reflection, I see that I took his lack of response as disinterest, when perhaps he just needed more time to make decisions AND he probably did "feel that his ideas didn't count", especially since I did all the things you mentioned above (at least until the last few years before S). H did outside work, I did inside work - something I now find unacceptable - I'd like to share responsibilites - that is, if I had a partner
Sue, I may be out of line here - and I do not know how long you have been S, but from my experience, I know that asking H if he's coming back ... always led to a painful discussion AND sometimes H told me to be careful of what I asked for as I might get it. He truly needed time.
That said, please don't think that I'm out of the woods - I'm so very close to initiating that discussion again and ending it all, as I don't think I can stand any more pain. I'm just saying that perhaps you might give him more time to sort things out and try, in the meantime, to enjoy your life.
You guys have been a life saver...again..today I am more upbeat...just some days the tears and doubts can overwhelm me. I know I need to keep living "as if"...
CM..we have been s 9 mos..so I know deep down that is not an outrageous amount of time to think about the rest of your life. I am not going to ask..his lease is up un Nov., and I hope he will let me know his plans about that..
PnT..I would not decorate it his way.. I may sound weak..but no way would it just be his ideas!!!!!Just some input would be nice..I assume he's been ok with our home all these years, but what if that has contributed to his feelings...oh well we will have to deal with that if we mend our m back. Thanks for all the great ideas..they do help
Funny about the decorating. I have always asked H for input in decotating. He always deferred to me as he is color blind. Always complimented me and was very proud of our home. H moves out to tiny apartment, buys all kinds of new stuff to suppliment the stuff I sent with him,. His Mother tells me he loves his "Little apartment because it's set up the way he likes it."
Dotto..the years are not forgotten...just shoved deep down somewhere they don't want to or can't see. I really need to believe and I hope a part of you does too..that our h have not forgotten all the good years...we have to remind ourselves they are on some long lost journey that we don't know when or where it will end. But don't give up all the memories..and his son, as my kids, are a gift that we share together and a d or seperation..whatever..can not take that away from us.
I feel like my life is so horrible at times..at work yesterday one of our new judges who was just appointed circuit judge and has to run in the election in the spring, found out that her husband has pancreatic and liver cancer.she was just telling me last week that after this election they were all going to an island to recoupe..in a few days time, it is very possible he won't even make it to Labor day..their son in in Iraq and they have been able to get him on the way home..and I think I have problems.
Just journaling...h came by yesterday to fix dd car.. I was up in bedroom..he saw the stairway that we sponge painted(kinda a rosey/peachy color..looks cool) he never said he liked or disliked...I commented that I felt bad that he did not look at color I chose, and just said " Get the one you like", and he said back "Haven't I always said get the one you like".."yes" I said.. he seemed to be in a mood of some sorts(again, he has been a moody person at times over the years, so nothing new..but of course now I assume it is about me or us) I asked him for a second time if he wanted to go to movie today with his sister and me..he said he would have to wait and see..wtf...pardon my french..but can't he decide..does he have more important plans..when I mentined it last week, he said then he did not know what he was doing Sunday afternoon..give me a break...just say yes or no...I will not ask again, trust me.
I may be imagining it, and I really have not spent much time around him since he got back from the mission trip with the church, but I sense more of a distance..when I have seen him, his mood towards me is not the same..I know I should not start these stupid thoughts, but it is posssible that the week gave him time to reflect and think about what he wants..and maybe the m is not what he wants..I did find out that the other adults were able to call their spouses...I can't let go of the fact that we are not like those couples..they are together and happy..
I have read many, many threads aound here...while alot you guys are together many are not..but at least you are talking about r,good or bad..you are dating..going on trips..touching, heck even having sex together. We have not made ANY attempts as a couple since he moved out in Nov...boy those doubts are all flooding in.
I know the little steps have been there..but why...what do they mean??? OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I have to get a grip before I say things I might regret.
Went to church today and h came and sat with me...he has been active in the sermons so he really has not had a chance to sit through one, I was not sure if he would..he helped serve communion and at the end we always sing the Lords Prayer while holding hands he was coming back to hold mine and another lady stepped in and took mine, as I was at the end of the aisle..darn..h and I just looked at each other and smiled...next time...and this morning I was havong doubts... again..a friend and my sil were going to movie..asked h, he met us all for lunch and went to movie..but half way through he was figeting..said his knees hurt and was leaving..I don't htink he liked the movie..it was "seabiscuit" a great movie, but for a guy who likes sci-fi and stuff like that, this was a chick flick..and I am ok with that...for many years he has gone to these kinds of movies...maybe he is asserting his new independance and will not go if he does not really want to..and again that's ok..I used to go the kind he likes..they were ok, just not my type.
The pastor touched on how life is like a rollercoaster that life is up and down and you can't always stop it...boy did that hit home or what!!!
Well tomorrow is Monday..back to work..everyone have a great week
I'm glad that your day got better. That's neat that H came back to hold hands with you, even if he couldn't, at least he tried. And went to the movies too? Looks like you're on the upside of the coaster. Have a good day tomorrow.
CM..just posted over on yours..thanks for the boost..I know that it all looks great..so many positives..but or I should say..why can't I just be content with the progress..most days I am, then those strange thoughts invade your brain saying let's get moving on this..let's decide if you still love me...I have always been like that..I want it fixed NOW...that is where my patience has really come into play..I am very proud of myself for the changes I have made..I just need them to stay and not slip backwards.
