Quoting hoping: LL..nice to hear from you..hope your day is going ok......you are my inspiration here..have been for along time..I know you are frustrated with things..wish I could wave the wand and make it all go away..but then that would be too easy...we need this to keep us on our toes..well ok not most of it, but looking back things can get taken for granted to easily.
Our church is having a memoral service tonight for 9/11..if we stop and think about things, our problems are trivial compared to all those families who are still strugling with that day 2 years ago.
Sue
ah sue,
I don't feel like much of an inspiration most days, but I understand the sentiment. funny thing about taking things for grantide...I thought I was the one being taken for grantide...I always apreciated what he did do for "us"...long long long before we were even engaged my dad asked me "what are you doing with him, what does he offer you" my response was that he worked so hard to provide a future for us...my dads response "he'd work anyway, his business is for him" and part of that is all to true. I have appreciated what he does...heck even when h was having an a and basically distant from me I defended "us" to his soon to be sil (now sil) she claimed "I could never live this life" my response was "well we may not do alot together but that is because h works hard to provide all that we have here, we are able to entertain and not worry about how much the food costs etc" part of me even then was simply looking at his providing so well as a means to excuse his lack of "presence" in a personal type r with me. Now having gone through what I went through I find it harder to just say "well we don't do much together but that is because h works so hard to provide for us"
Quote: Our church is having a memoral service tonight for 9/11..if we stop and think about things, our problems are trivial compared to all those families who are still strugling with that day 2 years ago.
during my sep my mil would so often point out the poor poor women who had lost their spouse in 9/11 as if to offer some comfort to me...sorry I may be cynical but it doesn't offer me any consolance..my response to that was always..well they know he's gone for good and don't have to struggle through this crap...death is certain...love is not. again
sorry if I missed it in here somewhere...what ever did happen with your anniversary...mine is again comming up at the end of this month...I know h is planning a mini vaca..but the date means little to me at this point.
LL..I kinda know what you feel about people always saying think of the spouses that have lost someone..it is true that is final..they don't have to wonder as we do.
The anniv came and went..saw h that day with dd as she was trying out a new car..he just asked why I was not working..I said I had taken whole week off..I cried some tears for the past and the unkown future, but made it through...Thanks for asking..my birthday is the end of month, suppose he might give me a card for that???He did get me a Christmas present last year..so who knows..am I gonna sit around and mope about it..nope cause I don't expect anything and if I do..great.
just journaling...saw h at church..I know he was busy running around..but he seems distance..has since last week when he came and hung blind(day before our anniv).hmmmm is he sad, guilty..trying to let me down the only way he knows..avoid me..not talk to me..is he contemplating that this year is almost up?????????????????who knows....I have to remember it is about him and not me..yet something is eating away at me.......I feel sometimes as I reflect on little things he said before he moved that he is hurt and angry with ME because I doubted his friendship with ff, that I made comments that he is "like his father"..I did not mean that to be bad..that I had once said "I don't want our m to become like your parents"..these things are all surfacing back to me and I am not sure what to do about them.I feel hurt too, from what has happened..he told me when he moved that this is about him... I need to relax and take a breath.........when I feel like he's being "cool" then I automatically assume it's me..gotta let go of that...it helps no one.
don't allow yourself to feel guilty for the things you have said.
I most often try to not say anything about the ff to you...but sue...they may not have been having a sexual relationship..but neither were you and your h. He was having an affair with her..so what if it was in the open and possible that neither of them was aware of it.
you were right to question it.
You are right that whatever h is doing now is about him though and not about ow.
when you are ready to bring up a convo about what the future or heck what the present holds for your r with him I kinda get the feeling you are going to have to be the one to do it.
or heck I have an idea...
I know my threads are many and they are full of anger and ranting...but you might find a useful thing or two in the old ones that were in newcommers.
Thanks LL for opening my eyes again to not feeling guilty all the time.....so many emotions...
H called me at work the other day about health ins...I carry the family as it is cheaper..son no longer on it..well he said he can get his own for about $40 a month, and I can get my own for about the same, so we should look into dd getting it through university, and we could save some money..well..of course..doubting Sue hangs up and says to coworkers "Do you suppose this is one way to slowly get rid of me?"We each carry our own ins.....they said if you can get it that much cheaper...why not. Why do I have to automatically assume he has a reason for every little thing..when he took his ring off and I asked "does this mean the m is over, he said no"..then why did you take it off..I did not say that...he did sit by me tonight for a church supper before meetings and studies...we talked about kids...things in general...so I will hold onto the faith that he is not at the end of his journey..whatever it may be.
Hey there Sue, Wish I had more to say regarding your sitch, but the least I can do bump you back onto the first page!
Thanks for checking in regularly at my digs. Its like bring a smile my way and I do cherish that.
Yes, I saw Bob's post. The fact that he request current thread as well as all others to be deleted gives me a sense that he's not going to be participating on the bb anymore. Its a big step to cut off your main means of support, but if he feels its what he needs to do to bring W closer, I hope it works for him. If it works out, I hope he can find a way of letting us know, but I feel its gonna to be a bit of a wait.
I understand what you mean about looking for hidden meanings in everything they do. It could be just a pratical point, one he would bring up if you were all under one roof.
It is all their timetable, working thought their own emotions. Though I think we also have the choice if we want to wait or get off the rollercoaster.
Thanks guys for checking in on me.....it's been a week from #*@%!!! Getting a new computer system and the work is piling up......too many law suits and junk going...
Do have to tell you that my office is having our "Christmas" party dinner Oct 11 this year and I had asked h a while back.his response was "I'll let you know...so now I have to commit a number by next week and I was scared to death he would say no, but I tried to prepare myself and knew that I would have to start doing things alone...well I asked him..he said yes....I am so excited....he could have said no..so that small hope that I thought was fading is maybe still there.When I talked to him on phone today I told him on Fri I almost called him to just talk as I was so upset and tired from the week, so I cried a good cry and went to bed..he asked me if I had gotten it resolved, so i told him the story...he was kind and patient and had a few ideas to resolve it..another good sign......feeling this good, I almost asked about his lease...but I didn't. I have to remember patience...things are by no means improving that much......but it makes me feel good and we all deserve some of that.
I'm glad you got a postivie response to the Christmas party and he wanted to hear about your week. Both good signs. I printed out the thread a recipe for success that was on newcomers, I read it every day to try and maintain patience and commitment to this journey. It was really well written.
