Howdy there Sue, Didn't mean to stay out of touch for so long, but I couldn't come up with something different that I havn't said before. Then I read this ...
Quoting hoping: ..why can't I just be content with the progress..most days I am, then those strange thoughts invade your brain saying let's get moving on this..let's decide if you still love me...I have always been like that..I want it fixed NOW...
Sue, you've question a few times if you fit in here ... now I can say you fit right in with the rest of us.
All joking aside, you have come to be as emotionally steady as nobody else I've come to know on this bb for the short time you have been here. ... and that has been an inspiration to me to keep trying to do the same as I'm sure to many others here too.
Altho, I was trying to be light-hearted about your post, its doesn't take away from being any less true, you aren't alone in having these thoughts. They are a part of being the LBS. So its perfectly normal for these thoughts to reoccur. Don't beat yourself up for having them. The "key" as you already know is not to act on these feelings, but just to ride them out.
... oh ... and vent them here as often as you need ... we are more than happy to help work your way thru them
Sue, have you been doing the "three positives"? I found that when I was getting impatient with the "progress" (or what I perceived as the lack thereof...) the three positives made a giant difference.
Sage
Last edited by sage; 08/05/0308:09 PM.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
KAW..thank you very much for the compliment... coming from a very wise, intelligent vetern here, I am truly moved..I have never taken compliments easily, as I have never felt worthy...never got any growing up... I even have a hard times praising my kids..but that is one thing I am working on..I know that as my sitch does not really change that it is hard to come by and think of something different to say..just knowing that someone will always be here to boost me when I feel low is a great feeling.
Hi..been a busy weekend..I have been painting..again...this thime the bedroom..and I asked no one's opinion on colors.
Friday I called and lef th a message asking if he wanted to come for pizza Sat. and watch our movie for video club..Sat afternoon he called..we chatted about his day that the overnight retreat that the church staff took ... I told him I was painting the bedroom..he said ok..I said "when you say you don't care..is that because what I have picked is ok..he said" You have never picked anything outrageous" so I take that to mean that he's not really into decorating and I have always done. Funny though when he got here, he came upstairs and said "so what colors have you picked"...hmmmmm maybe he is showing some interest because he knows that his opinion matters. When I think about it this house has not had anything done for about 3-4 years..about the same time everything was changing..h job..ff...my dad was sick....it is about time to do these things for me...and it makes me smile to see the fresh colors and new little touches.
So..some positives..h asked, as he was leaving, if I was coming to church today.. I said "maybe..why?" h said"no reason..just asking". Well I did not go, as I want to get this room done.
Boy...five days and no post..I am slipping..I really don't like being on page 5!!!!! Guess I have nothing new or different to say...talked a little to h about church meeting I went to on Tuesday..he asked why I did not come out to the fire pit there afterwards..I said it was over by then..did not say that I saw his car still there but it was dark by the fire..also saw sil car and others, assumed they were all talking down there, and did not want to butt in on anything...h picked up some cookies for a work party/meeting, and the next day I called him and asked him how it went, he said ok..that he left early..now this coming from the guy who a year ago liked to go out and party with coworkers/ff-coworker..now is leaving early...hmmmmmm..he does not have much to say about his job when I ask...i know it is not good to start to dislike job..but maybe he is just trying to figure out where everything fits in..or where he fits in. I asked him the other day when bowling starts(he is partner with ff) he said I don't know, haven't heard anything...hmmmm I still have a feeling she will replace him with her new lover boy...as much as I don't like to see h hurt by the way she ditched him when he was there for all her problems, I sure hope he has seen what kind of a woman she is..the comment he made a few months ago about her sleeping with someone else before she's even d..tells me he has some morals and respect for m. I know that her d will be final 9/12...a small part of me still thinks that maybe my h will hook up with her once she is d...I hope that this is just a stupid thought that will pass quickly...as I really don't believe that for a minute...but then I don't know what I believe anymore.
I often wonder if he sees the changes in me, or has any respect for me and for the patience and space that I have given him this past year. I wish I could understand how a person can be so undecided about the love for their partner..I know, I know I've been here long enough that I should get it by now that he's not sure of what he wants..but love is not something you toss around and lose overnight...September 8 will be our 25th anniv..boy what a great day that is going to be..I have half decied to not send any card to him. I have given him a b day card...but I just can't think of giving him a card for the celebration of our m, when I don't know what he wants or feels...this is really hard for me...
nice to hear from you though I wish you were in better spirits.
Quote: September 8 will be our 25th anniv..boy what a great day that is going to be..I have half decied to not send any card to him. I have given him a b day card...but I just can't think of giving him a card for the celebration of our m, when I don't know what he wants or feels...this is really hard for me...
...really bumbs me out to hear that this is all going on and your 25th comming round the corner...I know it's not at all the same but my 5th came during our seperation...I didn't know what the heck to do either. I had decided that I'd buy a card and have it ready to give ONLY if h made mention of or gave me a card. anniversary was noted by h as he felt it necessary to note it (or rather to let me know that he knew what day it was) but there was no celebration of any kind. kinda sucky oh well.
what do you want to do for the anniversary? do you want to mention it or leave it to him? do you want to send or give a card? do you want to simply recognize the day but not attach any "significance" to it? how have you celebrated other anniversaries.
tell me sue...asside from the church and stripping in the stairwell (tee hee ok stripping the woodwork) and other redecorating things...what are you doing for you? how are you spending your "free" time?
LL..thanks for stopping by, just read your latest adventures...things can go up and down so quick(and I don't mean "that"!!!!!) which sounds like was ok....
I think I will get a card, just in case..other anniv were usually just out to supper..nothing fancy..no gifts. I will wait and see if he even recognizes the day. But you know what..it is just a "day"..what the whole m is is more than a day for celebration...if things work out, we have the rest of our lives to celebrate.
I find alot of time for myself..I actually enjoy alone time..to read, garden..I have a book club..going out to local theartre with coworkers for a play and drinks next week...movies with sil and friends..so I am busy..scary cause I have gotten so use to h not being here, not sleeping in the bed, that if he comes back I won't know what to do..a minor problem for the result..
Sue - I agree with LL that you should have a card ready for H for your anniv. Nothing special, nothing schmaltzy - that has seemed to work out well for me since I have had to "celebrate" two anniv. this way.
I can relate to your fear that you have gotten so used to H not being there. But I think that H may have the same fears that you have. It's tough to be in this strange dance we're in (you, me, LL and a few others) - that it seems we're merely existing rather than living. But we'll all find our way. We have the tools and the support - just need to decipher those instructions and get to building something better.
Not much new here..took the rest of week off for no reason..taking first week in sept too...wish I had somewhere to go..I don't travel alone...
Had a call from our pastor..she wanted to ask me 2 things..would I bring the crackers and marsmallows for campfire smores..and she would like to have breakfast or lunch with me..now this one kinda threw me..at first I thought she was going to tell me something was wrong with h, although I know she could not tell me anything they have talked about..so Thurs am meeting her at bakery..she said at the end of conversation..the reason I am asking you is that h is at the church and has that group of people to talk to and get support and she got to thinking "who's looking after Sue, so she just wanted to hang out and get to know me better..whew...now I am not sure what to say to her..should I talk as though she is a pastor..spill out my guts on what I have gone through this past year, or just talk as a friend..everyday things..no h and I talks? I know h has talked at lengths with her..he told me last year that he had talked and had told her that I did not understand his friendship with ff...boy would I like to fill her in on my view of how I felt..wait that was the old me talking, and it did not sound very nice. She is also the one who partly convinced h that his feelings are important and that he needed to do what he felt he needed.. as in move out for himself.. not what anyone else thought he should do..why does that partly grate on me? I hope she is not anti- m, she is d herself..but that should not have any part in what she says to him..should it??
...really bumbs me out to hear that this is all going on and your 25th comming round the corner...I know it's not at all the same but my 5th came during our seperation...I didn't know what the heck to do either. I had decided that I'd buy a card and have it ready to give ONLY if h made mention of or gave me a card. anniversary was noted by h as he felt it necessary to note it (or rather to let me know that he knew what day it was) but there was no celebration of any kind. kinda sucky oh well.
