Keep moving in the forward direction and try to do so at a pace that allows your H to be reasonably close to your side. Keep a good mix of things and times that you have to yourself as well as times and enjoyable things to do with H. If this is already how you have things set up then terrific, you are ahead of the game, now slow down some and enjoy what surrounds you. Chances are more than good that the Lord has placed many blessing well within your sight and reach. Enjoy the blessings.
Good morning (by the time you read this) K. I have missed your posts but I understand the need once in a while to retreat. You are in a position that many of us would like to be in or would have liked to be in. However, every situation is different. I find it "interesting" that your motivation to lead is not there. I am not criticizing you by any means...just trying to understand if that is possible. I decided a long time ago that all I wish for the people on these boards that I have grown fond of is happiness. I am just one of many I am sure that really hope you find that happiness.
I'm sorry I have absolutely no advice to impart other than be true to yourself Maria. Do what you know will make you happiest and keep the kids stable. First and foremost, a happy mom is a good mom. I have no idea what that happiness might look like for you, whether it will include your H or not, but I do know that you will find it because you are AMAZING!!!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I've been thinking hard how to handle this situation. I cant find a solution. I dont know how to let go and just do this. But I cant keep complaining about it. It's my choices that brought me here.
kalni..I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that the key to all this is time and patience. Gforce's sitch is a prime example I think. The more you look for a solution and try to "fix" things then the more I think that solution will evade you.
Letting go is the key..and keeping all those emotions at bay is the real "key"
Hi guys, I have a terrible headache today, it feels like my head is going to explode... Sadly, it's a familiar feeling.
Thanks for encouragement and caring thoughts. Every situation is unique and unfortunately no "one fits it all" solution exists. Each of us needs to find his own way out of the messes we created with our spouses.
I have been trying to contact a MC all morning today. I figured that it seems we cant do anything on our own so why not use all the help we can get. I am waiting for her to call me back to explain the situation and see if she thinks she can help.
H (yes I purposely took out the ax) called once and asked what is wrong with me. He said he could tell on the phone I am in a sad mood. He said "it's about us, your usual self, upset and not telling me what it is". I had to try really hard to explain it is not about "us" the way he is thinking of. Nothing is the same anymore.
This weekend he said he is taking the kids as usual. So, there is no plan to meet more than what usually happens: at drop offs and pick ups of the kids... K
Hang in there darling. It must be really frustrating for you to be a the point where you are willing to try to save your M, but don't feel "enough" coming from H.
I agree w/ Mike that time and patience are really what is needed here. I also LOVE the fact you've contacted a MC b/c this will help you not have to bear the brunt of your R. A good MC can help be the leader for your H so you don't feel as if you are always the one responsible for everything.
This weekend he said he is taking the kids as usual. So, there is no plan to meet more than what usually happens: at drop offs and pick ups of the kids...
That is different from last weekend (or his nameday). How do you feel about that? It sounds like you are ok. with that. It may be what the doctor ordered....you guys are taking it very slowly and as far as I am concerned, that may be the right way to go. Don't want to harp on this or contribute to your headache but I still do not get the sense that you are ALL in. I hope your enthusiasm increases with time.
I have patience as long as I consider myself separated to be divorced, not when I consider myself reconciliating. How slow is slow John? This is very slow, almost not moving here...
Anyway, the therapist still hasnt answered my messages, H was happy with a "how are you doing" call, I ordered pizza for the lil ones and I want to sleep till tomorrow morning... My head hurts still...
I think that he is going to start out very slow. He is scared, too. Once he sees that you are really "there", I think that he may realize that it is safe for him to be around you. I hope!
I have no idea what ANYONE is doing.. I think we can't make assumptions and that things are not always as they seem. I vote for more conversations! And thats all right now (and not until your headache goes !!). My Dad found me a direct flight to Athens late Nov, but there are only 7 seats left on the plane...
We'll reconvene on FB when you are better...
Dont beat yourself up, you're doing the best that you can, considering the circumstances you find yourself in and what you've been given to work with. You didnt cause any of it, life is just odd right now (damn Uranus!)
