Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Things are settling down...not sure that's good!

Hey was just reading up a little. Has he seen a lawyer about assets? Fl is really wierd with that stuff. A will might not be good enough. It is a 50/50 state usually but everything will go to spouse if not worded correctly.

My M and SF have huge amount of assets, and they had to go through a lot to get it all set up correctly for sis and me.

Kel,

Thanks. BTW, I'm friends with James so should be easy to find!

When I have time, I'll visit MLC and look for the humor. I didn't find any last time I was there...it depressed me!!!

Glad you are getting some good advice. Looks like you've been good for James too!!! He's sounding a little better everytime he posts now!

Thanks for the info. on the assets. I'll encourage him to talk to the attorney...in fact, our D attorney can likely help get him on the right track. Until the D, it's mute. I'll get everything!!! I just thought it was interesting that he's been thinking about it so hard. I know I can't speculate, but what it says to me is that 1) he definitely wants to take care of the boys and 2) he definitely sees another wife in his future.

He's always claimed he'd end up alone. I guess that's no longer his plan!!! But, he's not made any steps in the D direction either...I'm sure he'd rather do the settlement together rather than pay the extra attorney fees. So, surely I'd know about any progress! But, who knows...nothing would surprise me these days!

I have to get to work...I'll check in with all later!!

Hugs to you!
Amy

Hi Amy, checking in too....

I know how it is to be nice if it is your nature... I'm still struggling with too much emotion and questions so since Sunday I've had no contact and he hasn't called the girls either.. interesting.. this could be the longest stretch without talking.. we'll see.

It is hard to do what isn't natural but I do agree you probably need to tone it down a notch on the nice meter... you sound good

I haven't looked but I need to find you on FB.. give me more info. so I can look... lots of Amy M and several in Florida...

yea there is a lot of sad over there too. but a lot of gal stuff.

J has been really good for me and I just figure it is time to return the favor. I thought that might be you on his

hey sis. you arent to nice, you are just you!! dont apologize for being the wonderful person you are!!
I got the dates from SMW, gonna see what I can do!
love ya honey, take care of you and those babies!

Okay...so, I talked to friend at work about the discussion of assets with H last night. This particular friend has provided some insight throughout the sitch...maybe just the male perspective. But, here's the jist of what he and I talked about...it has me worried a little. But, it's out of my control so I can't worry about it long. Maybe if I post it, I can get it off my mind.

Background...
So, I'm sure I've posted that H has a son from a previous R that lasted only about a year. He was young...19 when he met her. For a while a few years back, this S lived with us. He's got some physical, emotional, and learning disabilities and his mom was having lots of trouble with him. We did great with the S. His grades improved. He stuck to the rules. He was doing great! I suspect that she got jealous of our perceived success with him and so, she accused us of child abuse. The Dept of Children and Families investigated, and in the end, asked us to take custody of the son full time. H agreed, but only if the mom would relinguish some of her rights in the decision making for S. She would not. So, she took him back. We went to every other weekend visitation, and she accused us on another occasion of abuse. The sheriff came to our house at midnight to talk to us. In the end, the sheriff dismissed the case. So, after that I told H, we can't have S in our house. I can't risk losing my kid over this crazy woman. H agreed. We tried to get her to agree to contact the State and set up supervised visitation. She would not. She wanted us to keep him weekends so she could live a life. Ultimately, she moved away. We don't talk to her or S at all. H pays his court-ordered support faithfully, but, that's it. So, I've been panicked that my boys would end up in a similar sitch with H...no R at all. Apparently, H has no regrets about that sitch. I know it's different...he didn't have real R with the S. He and the mother were miles apart when S was born. I forced what little bit of R they did have...just my nature!

So, anyway, what H said last night about the division of assets was this: "I'll leave 25% of my shares of business assets to S6, 25% to S3, 10% to take care of 1st son, and the rest will go to, well, right now, you." He went on to say that he'd put the kids' money in a trust, and that I'd be named as the trustee. I teased him that I might cash in and move to Cancun with the kids' money. He said, "No you won't. But, you will be able to sell or whatever." So, I thought it was kind of strange, but dimissed it.

Then, I talked to friend...he said, "Oh, my! He's in worse trouble than we thought." I asked what he meant. He said, "That's very telling. He's planning to marry OW, but he's afraid of her. He knows she won't be fair to the boys. He thinks he owes her part of the business, but he doesn't trust her to run it without him." I said, "How'd you get all that?" So, he did the math for me. What H said last night was that he'd leave 60% of his shares to the kids and the other 40% to his wife. Since OW already owns 10% of the business, I just took that to be a 50/50 split...didn't think about it really. And, I thought to myself, what are we gonna do with 1/2 the business? We can't sell 1/2 the business. But, friend pointed out that it's actually a 54% to 46% split in favor of the kids with me as trustee. So, he's actually talking about leaving me with the decision about whether to sell the business or not.

Friend said that was pretty major. He said that when forced to put his money on the table, that the kids won out...and that he was trusting me with the responsibility of seeing that all his kids were provided for in the long run.

So, he said that he thinks H is trapped in this sitch because of A with OW. He thinks H would like to get out of it, but can't figure how. She's left her H for this business (and maybe the promise of M to my H), and if he doesn't come through for her, she might just sue him for sexual harassment and take the whole thing!

BG had told me before that she thought that was part of the deal here. And, that she thought H would never tell me if that's the case. The ultimate failure for a man...to lose all he's worked for professionally because he couldn't keep his pants zipped!

I guess none of it matters really. I can't act on these assumptions. And, the only thing I could do even if he talked to me would be to stall the D and fight the settlement and give her more time to get tired and find another man to latch onto.

It was just an interesting perspective, and now it's just weighing on my mind. I'll just have to pray for him! That's all I can do. He made his bed. If there's any truth to any of it, the moral, be careful who you mess with!!!

Okay...got to get back to work!!

Amy

Oh Amy! That is so much for you to deal with, sweetie!

Keep up the prayers--God needs to heal this before that spider gets her claws in any deeper.

SMW

Sounds like a very good assessment of your H's sitch. Talk to your L and pass these fears onto him. Protect yourself from the possibility of this occurring.

Gosh Amy, interesting way to look at it... not sure how to take it all... but you said it best.. can't waste engery worrying or wondering what truth there is to it all... pray and let God handle the rest...

hang in there...