Oh I bet you did. Hopefully she figures out that marriage and a home mean rights, privileges and responsibilities.That relationships need two engaged people and that she won't fill that void inside her with the OM.
At the very least she will feel like she can not continue to show a lack of respect for you, your home, your marriage etc without consequences.
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
Found out she made comments like" What the F#$%, why did he pack up my clothes, i know I don't live here, but he knows I stop by" And thn she went looking for her clothes. younger D told her they are in a big box. she found her things from the closet, but no the box. didn't take anything. D says she didn't stay long. they talked a little about the weekend. D told her I spent all weekend working int he yard and went out saturdayt night. It was a lie, but she doesn't want to get caught up with her mother. She said her mother really didn't seem rocked by the clothes, but it definitely upset her. there was no note, no text, no phone call from her.
Younger D says she doesn't think W noticed the pictures missing. We are doing the frams of the friends and family thing tonight or Thursday night. I am buying another large collage one for my "Friends in Low Places".
The comment that she made about " He knows I still come by for clothes every now and then" was exactly the impact I wanted. Now that is one less reason for her to need to come by. Lock for my room will be changed tonight, cuz now she knows there is nothing for her in that room. House door lock will change this weekend.
Anyway, country line dancing last night. I feel like a school boy. I had mentioned that I am taking lessons and the people are nice, not a crowd I would typically hang with, but really nice people. A nice looking woman was there last week with her friend. From the back, I thought it was my W. So much, that I almost left. anyway, during the lessons last week she moved from the back to right behind me. Nice. Lat night, right behind me, but then she broke the ice asking me if I had a son named Matt, he's her son's friend, nice looking kid, you look just like him, blah, blah, blah...We went and sat down, her at her table, me at mine. Later on we were doing a line dance that is kinds couples. Me and her ended up together laughing and really getting into it. We talked some more abouthockey, how I had coached and playe and been ont he mass hockey board. Her father used to play her sons didn't get involved, blah, blah, blah...
Went backout for the end of the lessons and were talking more and laughing. When we went to leave, I said bye and was way ahead of her. She caught up to me at the stairs pretty quck with her friend trailing. I kinda slowed p for her friend to catch up. they were going to the bar for a drink and I said good night. I talked with my daughter when I got home and was telling her about the lessons and this woman. My D informed me that I was being hit on, the woman is definitely interested. I disagreed. My D went on to say , she is definitely interested, broke the ice with you, last week moved from where she was to directly behind you, lined herself up at one of the dances to be across from you so you were partnered, hurreid to walk with you and left her friend straggling. Trust me Dad, she's interested.
I feel weird...I asked my D if I should have gone to the bar with them. she says, no, play it cool. You don't want to be too much. Playing it this way, you will be more interesting. they have dances on Saturday nights upstairs and I am not sure if she goes or not. My D says if you aren't doing anything, go. You are taking the lessons, go to a dance. If she's there, great, if not, whatever. dance and have fun.
It just felt nice to talk to a woman who seemed interested in everything I said. Called me by my name several times during the conversation. Its been a while. I didn't see any signs, but now that I look back, maybe...
My D says my W looked OK, still skinny and haggard as she says. My W made comments that the house looked good. My D says, yeah Dad makes sure its vaccuumed 2-3 times a week and that I dust once a week. She told her that I get into projects really fast and kee going until they are done. My W says she knows that, she said to my D that her used to work on the house til 2-3 in the morning. she used to have to tell me to stop for the night. My D says he doesn't get that crazy, but he goes non stop for hours and hours. W asked whose wine was in the fridge. D was going to tell her it was my girlfriends. She said its Dad's. She says a bottle of wine lasts him about 3 weeks. He has a glass during the football games.
QUESTION: Am I wrong for feeling high school giddy about this woman flirting with me and possibly being interested? I feel good that moving my W clothes and packing them away had exactly the impact I wanted. Am I wrong for feeling good that she was upset by it?
I feel good and bad about everything that has transpired in the last 12 hours.
Well apparently the W noticed the pictures of her and us were down and gone. she commented toher mother that i put the pictures away, even the one her uncle had drawn of her. I am apparently striking nerves. she doesn't talk to her mother about these things, but the pictures seemed to bother her. Her mother told her she disdn't blame me, its hard for him to look at pictures of you two in love and being so happy. I did not mention her clothes, but apparently she hasn't talked to her mother since Sunday night. she told her mother that my D had said that I didn't want my W over my house Xmas day. I didn't want to be upset or a wreck because of her. Her mother is going to stay with me. The W has been told she cannot stay over and will not be here when we are up Xmas morning. That is at least my position right now. I have set my boundaries and my kids are defending them.
I have definitely struck nerves by stting these boundaries, wish i had done it sooner. Her mother wanted to call about her aunt who is very sick, but she also wanted me to know that the W made a big deal about the puictures and the fact that she stuck up for me doing it. She thought I should know.
Just found out the woman I was talking to on Monday night is married. One of the instructors knows her and confirmed. That will help me keep things on the friend side with her. She seems like a nice person and its always good to meet new people right now.
LD - I'm going to be out of pocket for awhile. Moving the last bits out of the house and into storage. Clothing is going to a friends house. I'm busier than a one armed paper hanger. No internet access for awhile.
Hang in there. I'll be wishing you well and thinking of your situation.
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
Well the lonelies are hitting me again. I am keeping busier than usual, but I keep thinking about her. Since I have packed her clothes away and taken down the pictures, I miss her more. The only reminders of her are me. It is killing me! I feel like I can't go on much longer without calling her and asking her WTF! I have not seen her or heard anything since her voice message on my phone Saturday night. Before that it was the Sunday when she was over getting ready to go to her friends with my D. I didn't see her really, just said hi when she said hi. I am thinking about her more and more...
I have reread the books and I am doing my dark and continue my 180s. I know I need to give my packing her clothes and taking down pictures time to settle on her, but she is still with OM so I don't believe emotionally she is as bothered as i would like to believe.
She visited friends of ours last night and is going over there for dinner sunday, probably after being with OM. She has indicated to them she is very happy and most likely is going to file for divorce after the holidays. She didn't come out ad say it, but those were the impressions she left. She's is definitely spreading out and getting bored I think. She knows these friends that she went and saw, he is my best friend. She is like my sister. She is also a good friend of W. I feel like at every turn she is doing something that gets back into my life. I am more angry and hurt lately with every passing day. I am the type of person who when they get mad, show anger. If she sees me and I am angry towards her it will hurt my chances greatly I think. I can't believe this is happening to me, that my life is so screwed up because of all of this. I am starting to think that this is it, she will not "wake up" or come out of the fog or leave the tunnel, this is who she is goping to be. That thought makes me very upset.
As long as you decide that you are going to forecast gloom and doom that's exactly what you're going to attract. Go ahead and think about that worst case scenario and dare to imagine yourself surviving it.
You would, you know.
Now once you've wallowed in what might happen worst case, get up and get back to work busting your ass to effect the outcome.
DBing is not the place for foolish pride or the faint of heart.
What do you believe in?
Then get up and fight for it.
And stop the BS with that other woman at your dance class.
You're contradicting yourself and compromising your stand.
Early in my stand I heard someone say "If you're asking God for something big, be prepared to stand long".
Well you have to position yourself for a blessing.
And it sure as hell ain't coming if you're making goo goo eyes at someone else across a dance floor. I don't give a rip what anyone else tells you, either. THIS is YOUR sitch and YOUR life. If you're ready to quit and move along, then do so. I wouldn't blame you, this is one hellish ride, but don't compromise yourself and do a half-assed job at trying to save your marriage just because it feels good to get your ego stroked and people in the world don't bring you hope.
You have to look WITHIN to find hope. Then you have to look up.
If you wait for the world to support your stand you will be waiting forever.
There's an enemy of the family that's working overtime in the world today. Whether you like it or not or believe it or not, you are in a war and one way or another, you WILL pick a team.
If you want to cave in to the one that came to steal, kill and destroy and has set his sights on your household, then you go right ahead but from the minute you read this you will be doing it knowing full well you had another option.
There is a fight to faith. It says so in the Bible.
Spent time thinking about everything yesterday. Fell off the wagon Saturday night, felt guilty giving in to that. No harm, no foul. That is the smallest part of my life and it bothered me alot. didn't sleep much last night. I don't want to be with anyone else, not at any level right now. My hope is my faith as I have posted before. I am who I am because of me, and I know she will be back. My strength is my conviction to this. I want her back in my life, but only if she wants to be back.
Amy, thanks for your faceslap, I just read it this morning, but only after thinking long and hard about my current situation. It is a nice boost to have someone show interest, but I know that we can get through this as long as one of us stays totally committed. the books and research I have done support the fact that if one is committed, the marriage can be saved. No guarantees, but much more probable. My W invited her friend and herhusband down to meet the OM. They spent about 2 ours with them. She called me to tell me, in cionfidence, what a loser this guy was. She told me that my W is definitely going thru something if this is what she has. Her husband is a friend of mine and also told me that the guys is a real scumbag, and he was only with him for a couple of hours, not impressed. Also, they both commented on how rough she looked, not happy. they said if this is the guy she is supposedly in love with, then why isn't she happy. I heard commnets all weekend about her, she sounds depressed, she looks happy but she sounds dpressed. When is she going to wake up and see what everyone else around her sees? The reason I fell off the wagon was because I keep hearing how depressed and ragged she looks. Well I got that out of my system. I know this is gonna be a long haul and I am fighting for my marriage, i am getting signs, her being upset about the pics and her clothes. These are thngs that allowed her to have her cake and eat it too. Now I have taken those away, my stand is much firmer and my committment is much stronger, that is why I think I have been more dpressed this past week. She has no friends with the om, he is a loner. She is trying to get her friends to be around them, but that seemed to backfire. Her friends that are alos my friends are now calling me and inviting me out and over to their houses. they feel bad because they are friends with both of us and haven't seen me. I honestly believe that her attraction and feelings for OM are weakening. I also want to believe that when it ends she will look down the tunnel towards me. Like you told me, I have to be strong enough for her to come back to and fall apart in front of. there have been commnets of how she is, things she has said that make me believe that what is keeping her away from me now may be guilt. I won't get into details on this, but i am reading this. In talking to a woman who went through this, she told me she tried to stay away because of the guilt. When she finally got the nerve to contact her husband about getting together and talking she did fall apart. She says he just sat there and listended, never said a word, just listened. They have been back together ever since. She says for me to watch, do what I am doing, stay faithful. she also said taking down the pics and packing her clothes were very good moves. Because now she will wonder where I am at with regards to my emotions towards her. I thought I was losing my connection to her last week after the pics and clothes thing. I also thought I was losing my feelings towards her by being infatuated with this woman at the class. I realized yesterday none of that is true. I do love my W, very much. I want her back in my life as my W. I am praying again and recommitting myself to being diligent. Doom and gloom thoughts beget doom and gloom reactions. Positive thoughts develop positive actions. I fell off the wagon, gave in to something I didn't want to give in too, but I did. I feel ashamed of myself for doing it, again no harm no foul. I am firmly back on the wagon again with regards to drinking and my committment to my marriage. Again, thanks for your support and words.
My D called and says she talked to her mother yesterday. Said she was talking about her finances. she told her, why don't you go back to Dad, he isn't richer, but he is at least getting the finances under control. she told my D she doesn't want to go back to me just because of finances. D told her, have you even thought about going home to him and trying get back together? She told my D the same thing she told my son, it's not that easy. My D told her that was BS and a cop out. She told her, if you're not happy with your new life,weren't happy with your old life, the why not start a new life with Dad...She had no response.
