Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives just when I thought things were stable...

Hey Cat!
Thank you for posting to me! Didnt know my thread was still around!
Sorry to see things are not good, I tell ya it feels like its never ending w/ these WA at times!

Do you have Figgy or Lissie's email? Barb or Bethies ,maybe C2s??
if so write them , we are all over on a different board- its more for us who are pretty much done w/ D and have a few lose threads and such but would LOVE to see you!!!

Let me know if you need the addy I'll see what I can do!

I'd love to! I dont' have any of their emails. I'm pretty much done with the D pain, (specially after this shenanigan, shows me he is just not worth my while) it is the pain this idiot may inflict my kids that has me riled up now.

It's fun with big kids, too! It really means a lot to my D18 when I talk about saving sex for marriage, etc, when she saw her dad move in with gf after we were separated less than 2 months. It still makes me sad that he puts his daughter in #4 position (self, gf, friends, then D18). GGGRRR!

By the way, I really intended just to say hi, cat, since I saw your name surface again.

hey toots))))))))) since to see you hon! same crap here too, after all the crying and carrying on and the counceling stbx moved back with then ow and later on planned to buy a house.

Just when I thought he couldnt' surprise me anymore... surprise!!!

But, our pay day is coming hon, and what they will reap what they've sowed

Yes Cat I do believe in the end what comes around goes around. Sometimes we get to see it and sometimes we just hear about it! Have faith poor behavior attracts more poor behavior!

I can't see someone worth their salt wanting to be mixed up with goof balls for too long! A cat can't change it stripes, know what I mean!

Hey, Cat, I just wanted to say I am glad you're back posting with us, contributing your thoughts to these conversations. Thanks.

hey there. He could change but he is too chicken and it'd be too much work, he rather sweep the old issues with the M and the crazy R with ow and move on to a new bandaid, I mean, R with a new person who has no idea how spineless and what kind of a liar he is, I bet he's told her some good ones already.

ty noC

I am not around much but do check my thread periodically.

Sorry to hear about your X's behavior and I know it hurts that much more after you spent some time with him. After my X filed, we still lived together but did less and less together towards the end. There were some outings together that gave me some hope of reconciliation but as I later learned, she was very much committed to OM well before she left the house.

The WAS will do what they want to do, period. Trying to reason with them very seldom has the desired affect yet we should give it the effort but in the most calm way possible and not in front of the kids. We can only hope it will have some effect.

(DB disclaimer: I continue to be a strong advocate for applying DB principles and for going way beyond the extra mile to do what we can to try to save the marriage. If we do everything we can, if the divorce does eventually take place, we can look ourselves in the mirror as well as look our children and our ex-spouses in the eyes and say we did what we could)

Separately, we must love our kids and be the sane one for them, this you already know. The kids know or will know what is right and wrong and it can work against us to paint their other parent with some negative moral brush. If the kids want to express how they feel about what has happened, we do need to listen and avoid the temptation to bash the WAS. Let them love their parent unconditionally.

Your healing will come. His actions will affect the kids and will always cause you to become righteously indignant until you choose to NOT let it affect you in that way. Becoming upset will not change anything unless there is something you can do from a legal standpoint.

FORGIVENESS
It has been a work in progress for me to forgive my X and her new husband, a major work! Yes their decisions (past, present and future) affect my kids but they are not doing anything illegal even though their whole affair and new marriage, in the eyes of God, is immoral (and contrary to what is currently "Politically Correct" in our culture, God does have a standard of right and wrong).

I have forgiven them. One of the most important reasons that I am better able to stay in this mode is that I truly realize that I too am forgiven of much. My thread is filled with the account of my journey and my faith. It is mine, it is how I live and it works for me.

Michelle has written about how Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself and EVERYONE on this board should read it. The sooner the mindset of forgiveness can be applied, the sooner WE are able to get on with our lives.

By the way, my kids are doing well, I have very much embraced the life I now live. I have much more joy than I had during the years I fought so hard to save my marriage. I do have a clear conscience that I fought for the marriage and my WASs will have to deal with the choice and her decision.

Hope that helps. I need to get my mind back on my upcoming trip to SPAIN!!!! (11 days to go!)

Hi Cat,

Sorry to hear what you've been going through, but I think this senario was one of those eventualities. Unfortunately some guys can't live without a woman in their life and your husband may be one of them.

Just wait till she moves in!!!

Anyhow, the sad thing is, during a divorce we can't protect or children from what an x-spouse may do (within legal limits). The best we can do is try to stay rational around the kids. Don't let them see you getting emotional or angry at your husband about this. You can calmly and logically explain why the behavior is wrong and that when they grow up you hope they make better choices.