Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis We have made it to the other side 2

OMG Silent....I read this and had to respond.. My H is the exact same way....he would always say I didn't want to hurt you...has never apologized or admitted he messed up...just I'm not in love with you anymore and I dont'want to be married anymore...

Yep, Treese. My C says that's a real issue, when one can't face one's own shortcomings. It seems like a narcissistic problem, but underneath it is really a self esteem issue. They hide their emotions because they are afraid it makes them weak, or bad, or something. And most of the time, they don't even realize they are doing it! It's a self preservation thing in the brain. And it often comes from dysfunctional stuff in childhood.

Your counselor is so right...my H says he's not confident at all...and if you were to be around him and talk to him, you would think he is the most confident man around...and that's what I told him...he said a long time ago he has no confidence at work....my H hides behind humor....he would joke around all the time so he didn't have to face reality within himself....H's whole family suffers from depression and anxiety...although my H says there's nothing wrong with him...he's perfectly fine...his words...he's not depressed....he just doesn't want to be married anymore...well, I'm glad he decided that on his own....

SC and Treese

My h said all the same things. He wouldn't take any responsiblity for anything. I was to blame for everything. He usede to say that he didn't want me to hate him for what he did. He used to tell me that to get use to it we were finished and that was that.

Good news though he did apologize to me, my family and the kids for what he did to us financially and fixed it himself. He was so sorry for all the hurt and shame that he had caused.

I guess when they can finally come to terms with all that has happened, they realise their BIG mistakes.

BTW, SC, I am sending Good Karma your way. I did read your thread this morning!

Y

There are a couple of books that really helped me that maybe you could check out (other than DR and DB of course).

"Facing Love Addiction" by Pia Mellody
"Surviving Male Menopause" by Jed Diamong.

These were both very eye-opening to me.

*And sorry for hi-jacking your thread, YR!!*

T

Thanks, {{{{{YR}}}}}, for your good karma! Did you read the other post I did about the phone call from my H this morning? He called last night and this morning to "touch base" and keep me apprised on what he was doing!!! I'm in shock!!!

**No expectations*****Keep breathing***

T

SC

Yes, I did. Keep doing what you are doing. Maybe some oxygen is finally getting to his brain!!!!

Y

I still like the one my H says to me all the time..."aren't you tired of crying"....H*** yes I'm tired of it....and "I'm not coming home"..."you need to just get past it"....blah, blah, blah..

And the ol "I hope we can be friends some day"...come on....

H's OW's birthday is my anniversary...the love childs is the day before mine.....constant reminders.....

He keeps telling me that the financial situation is not his fault...WTF? He has to pay for another child....I didn't put us there....well, he may think so....

HHHHHHHuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....breathe......

Treese

Try to remember that they seem to follow an MLC script. Most of us have heard all those lovely lines. We just needed to learn not to take them to heart. It's just gobblty goop!!!

Y

YR,

I'm so glad you Dad is doing much better.

Nothing on my H but I did post about pictures on my thread that I found on the internet.

Has my H forgotten the past & moving forward never to turn back?