Cory, I am glad you liked the song. Somehow, it's connected in my head with Smartcookie, not myself... But I like it very much. Listen to some other songs she has, "I miss you love" and a few others... K
He is thinking "we are ok". He is on this "stupid -we will be OK mode, dust off and move forward- mode". It's tempting to do the same. But I will get through to him somehow. I will MAKE him see what we are up against to.
Real kiss at the stairs? I dont think so. It was a real sweet kiss back then, I think he kissed me at the back of neck or something, but yesterday he wanted a ..french kiss. He was looking for a chance when the kids would not be looking to hug me all day...
And I dont think he left frustrated because of me denying that. He left because there were soccer games on TV. That's my guess...
Btw, my D asked him to "stay and sleep by mommy" showing him "his" pillow and my son asked him " "why did you stay so long today dad?".
"My mission statement" did sound weird. The last few weeks I have been torn and sad and laughing and crying all together. It has been difficult to cope. I didnt know where to focus, on my sadness or on the "turn around" that was all I had been wishing for, for 8 months. I had to find a way to handle things Cory. I know you probably dont understand being a DAM and all. But I decided I will do what Sara once posted, I will look for the good things from him and about him (it has worked before), I will invest time and effort, I will allow myself to feel excited and happy and I will pray things turn out fine for me.
So, until next weekend I am back to separated land... K
PS He got at least 60 phonecalls yesterday due to his nameday, he mentioned each and every name of the caller just to make sure I knew who he was talking to. He left the phone "on" on the coffee table, etc. So, that is his way of reassuring me but it's so different than what he had been doing (the exact opposite)and he is trying to tell me there was no other woman? Yeah right!!!
Every person that called him was asking him if he still works so much and he kept saying "yes, I've gotten used to it"...(WRONG ANSWER!!!!)
T, thanks but I can call Colorado for free. I may do that and see what they say. Language is a problem. I think we may need to find someone here. I have a couple of therapists that were suggested to me here. We'll see. K
fb2, pride and fear? Pride not so much. Fear definitely. Can you blame me? I am trying to think I have nothing to fear at the moment. I would be OK either way things went but still it's difficult to feel safe.
He is a completely different person. It's like a mask has lifted. His voice even soudns differently. His eyes look at me with ...love, he looks nothing like theat cold hearted b@sta@rd of last year. I think he had an MLC. I need to first get used to that. I am trying to make the connection in my head "last year=stranger, different person", "now=my dear H" to be able to feel safer around him again. K
"He is thinking "we are ok". He is on this "stupid -we will be OK mode, dust off and move forward- mode". It's tempting to do the same."
But.. you can see where that will take you.
"I had to find a way to handle things Cory. I know you probably dont understand being a DAM and all."
I can "see" it.. I am here to make sure you do.
"But I decided I will do what Sara once posted, I will look for the good things from him and about him (it has worked before), I will invest time and effort, I will allow myself to feel excited and happy and I will pray things turn out fine for me."
Ok.. sounds good to me.
Thats all you get from me.. I am going to bed.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Wowwwwwww!!! I love what you said about the mask being lifted, like he is a completely different person!!
would it make sense to tell try to tell him what you have told us... "H, you have to woo me, you have to win me back, I need to feel safe?" or something like that?
You just keep going. You know you'll be fine and everyone understnds and supports you.
As for what FG commented on, I have to agree w/ two things he said: 1) He does think it is "normal" again and I'm glad to hear you'll be showing him it isn't and that he'll need to be working a lot to even get another French kiss from you. 2) He left the other night b/c he was frustrated and didn't know what to do. That is ok for right now as he needs to still be a bit uncomfortable w/things.
Also, I think his leaving the phone on and telling you who was calling was a very good thing. Very transparent on his part.
As for the work thing, do you think you could explain to him why that was the wrong answer? I'm still not sure he completely understands.
He is a DAM after all. You can't forget that part.
Hi, just came back from a day at my uncles' house where I drove my dad. He lives outside Athens and has a huge garden with chicken and a dog and the kids really love it there.
My axH never called or anything. I sent a text around 18:00 asking "are you alive?". He answered "yes I am, are you?" so the next thing he says is "i am hesitant and careful because you say you dont feel anything". I didnt answer to that. I guess I must tell him that if keeps doing what he is, I will not feel anything anytime soon... This sucks... K
