I'm so glad that you are going to get to see him at last! You said, wait and see this weekend didnt you. So thats with the kids too then, as a family!? Good luck if I dont get to 'speak' to you beforehand.. I hope it goes well and maybe...you might even... get a KISS !!??? (and if there isnt one on offer, do it anyway, for me!)
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
K I think this is what I mean. You told *us* you'd like to spend some time with him on his nameday. then HE asked you to spend time with him on his nameday.
you set an intention of something you hoped he would do, and it happened!!!
Also, there is NO WAY that he will read an email and ASSUME that you mean "come travel with me". He probably was nervous that you were making more plans that didn't include him.
I love what he is doing, I can feel the warmth and relaxation from him even secondhand over the computer.
He loves you Kalni.
I think if you are patient, and understanding, you can make it until the summer.
Feed the love you have. let's brainstorm here. how can you spend more time together? can you meet him at work for lunch? can you have a quickie in his office? (obviously this would be... later on??) Can he be "sick" more often? Can he turn down certain assignments that would make him travel? little bits here and there.
Kalni, I'm glad H asked you and the kids to spend his name day with him. I know that in some cultures name day is more important than birthdays. So the fact that H wants you to spend it with him says a lot. I hope you can spend some quality time together as a family tomorrow and that this is the beginning of other good things to come. I agree with some of the others about the travel email you sent H. He may have been unsure of what exactly you intended by it.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
This all just amazes me having watched all the changes over the months. How do you feel when you hear that laugh as he embraces his cluelessness? Is something of the guy you wanted to spend the rest of your life with peeping out? Does it annoy you when he does the 'right' thing? What do you look for more.. his flaws or how you get warm fuzzies from him?
Someone pointed me to the book "The Four Agreements" which is helping me grow..
The Four Agreements are very simple, but very profound. To embrace and live each of the Four Agreements is to find yourself experiencing personal freedom--possibly as never before. The Four Agreements are:
Be Impeccable With Your Words Don't Take Anything Personally Don't Make Assumptions Always Do Your Best
From the cover of the book:
Be Impeccable With Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Don't Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Someone pointed me to the book "The Four Agreements" which is helping me grow..
The Four Agreements are very simple, but very profound. To embrace and live each of the Four Agreements is to find yourself experiencing personal freedom--possibly as never before. The Four Agreements are:
Be Impeccable With Your Words Don't Take Anything Personally Don't Make Assumptions Always Do Your Best
Hi Gypsy & K
I have this one on semi-permanent "loan" from my IC when I was going to her. I may have to go back and look at it. Item#'s 1 & 3 I think I am quite good at. the other's I am sure need work.
Hi friends, Ali I am back... No gift unwrapping or anything even close...
We had a good day today. He came over around 12:30 and left just now, 22:00. We went out for lunch, just the four of us, to a very nice restaurant I picked and he was thrilled, he loved the food (I did too). Then we came home and spent the time with the kids. He did initiate hugs and kisses and wanted a real kiss at a point but I wasnt into it and said I dont want to. So, he backed off but said something silly like "but it's my nameday...". Yeah right!! Anyway, he was nice, and calm and sweet. On his way here I asked him to pick up something for me that I had ordered from a store that costed some money and he said he of course doesnt want the money back, I guess, I got a present...
When we came back home, I was in bed with my D watching a movie and he came and cuddled with me, hugging etc. and I was accepting but not very enthousiastic, it felt strange plus my D was there and didnt want her to get confused. He was trying to touch my arm and leg etc while she was busy watching but he kept it very light. He is following my pace and I am feeling better.
I was disappointed he got up and left before the kids went to bed. It would have been a good time for us to sit together and talk. We were all day with the kids and that is how we were before the bomb. I was surpised he didnt stay, especially since the next time we will meet again will be next weekend...
I feel more focused and on the right track. Something happened the last few days in my mind, I am on "a mission"...
T, I dont know if he would like to do that therapy session. Expecially in English. I have to see where this guy has his practice, is it Colorado?
Anyway, that's all from me. A good day overall... K
'we are NOT going anywhere like this...". He replied he thinks we are...
Just wanted to make an observation about this, from a male perspective.
You are waiting for his actions, and rightfully so. I believe the jury is still out as to whether or not he is willing to do what must be done to make a proper marriage.
But this line perhaps sounds to him like your ASSESSMENT of things currently. I say that because HIS remark ALSO sounds like an ASSESSMENT of things currently.
I believe you are trying to send a strong message.
And I believe he is not interpreting it correctly.
Things are peaceful between you, and he knows that you have been hurt and are uncertain about the future.
In his language, he is trying to tell you that he believes the future is bright.
Perhaps it is a small point. But if you are saying things like this to him, expecting that it will possibly provoke certain ACTIONS by him, the miscommunication could leave you wanting.
I know you are unable to lead him to you, and personally I find no fault in that. He does not realize that he lost you. He does not realize that he is now in the position of having to win your love once again. And I can understand if part of you inside feels like this is HIS problem - perhaps even indicative of his inability to "get" you the way he should.
Well, not really sure what I'm eventually trying to tell you. And not completely sure that I'm not talking in circles. This is just something that stood out to me as I caught up on your thread.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
