Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Searching for a way out #3

MC
Just checking in on u, hope u have a great day!

Hey, J. so far so good. No W sightings, so I've been keeping busy here in the house. Made the kids some breakfast.

Last night we went out to eat with my W's step-father. We usually try this every Fri. afternoon. Started out as beer:30 for me and her StepF; but as she's never around to watch the kids, I started bringing them for eat out night. I don't usually have but one beer; but it's still nice to get out. We have a usual server, she has three little ones of her own and she's very attentive to mine. And she's easy on the eyes as well; so it's a nice distraction.

Thanks J. Will see ya.

I've tried telling her in different ways over the years that my love was unconditional. That I knew she was in inner turmoil; and I wanted her to trust me enough to be able work through that, that I was not going anywhere. I thought she would realize that having the security of a loving husband who would always be there would allow her the time and space to heal from the wounds that fester in her soul.

Guess it wasn't what she needed.



How does one recover from that addiction? Seems harder to recover from "other man attention" than it is alcohol?



I've been faking it, that's for sure. I'm not sure what I'm making towards, D or Reconciliation? She doesn't seem to possess the skills or desire to be a responsible adult. So if I D her, she'll have trouble living on her own. My conscience doesn't want the mother of my children living like a bum.

OTOH, I can't continue to live in a situation where she treats the family like she has. My kids have accepted this as normal and it's not. I don't like living where my W treats me like a high school boyfriend that she's just dumped. Let's be friends and do it right for the kids. It's not right for the kids. She just doesn't care right now.

So, I'm torn. Right now, financially D would not be the best option. Soon, I'll have the finances in better shape and then it could be game on. I really believe that she's waiting on me to file. I'd really be surprised if she filed first. One, she doesn't have the money. Two, if I file first, it justifies that I want out of the M as well. Which I do, at least the one we've been living.

The only wildcard in that theory is if she meets a man she wants; she'll move heaven and earth to make it happen. That's how she got me. It's I want what I want at all costs. She's not thinking that she'll get a load of our debt, she'll have to get a different auto, she'll have to pay for a place to stay.

All of the above were never mentioned in her talk about a settlement. She seemed only concerned about her having the kids 50 percent of the time; which would be an increase of nearly 48% over the time she has them now. She wants to NOT have to pay CS, while I pay alimony for her a place to live; so that she can qualify for free school money as a single mom and be "honestly" divorced so that she can land another man. That's my thought.

She needs a touch of reality in my opinion.

Again, SC.... I appreciate your time. You are truly courageous for what you do here. I've read your threads and I know it's been a struggle for you as well. But, you are a brave one. I wish my W could be as well.




Hugs back to you.

{{{Tom}}} Thanks for stopping by my thread!

BTW..I think that what you've given your wife over the years, unconditional love and that you'll always be there, is EXACTLY what she needs, she just doesn't know it..because she doesn't love herself unconditionally..so she doesn't really get that..if that makes sense

I just say that because I wouldn't want you to think that you being a loving, kind, unconditional person is something someone wouldn't want..because they should/would! (did that even make sense LOL?)

Tawnya

Tawnya, I know what you're saying. I believe you. I don't have any self-esteem problems with knowing who I am. Heck, even the W has said that whoever lands me next will be one lucky beotch.

I also agree with the fact that she can't understand unconditional love because she can't give it. We've actually discussed this before; she has a hard time believing in unconditional love; according to her it's because she's always experienced that there have been conditions on other's love towards her in the past...i.e. her parents, other BFs, etc.

Sucks, but I'm in touch with the reality of it.

morning Tom!! take my cold weather any time you want it lol! glad you had a good dinner out! thats important, and nice of you to include the kids in what had been your time. see you are a great attentive father!!
you make progress every day, we can see it, so we will remind you when you doubt yourself!
HUGS!

We have a W sighting. She came home at 1pm. Not wearing her rings.

I'm pleasant, the kids were excited. So she tells me that dysfunctional BFF is going to call me about W's birthday party in Jan. WTH? I ask why is she going to call me? W replies, IDK, maybe because you know me the best.

So we have some one on one time in the basement. All that we talked about was a movie that she saw last night. She then talks about another one of her friends who just got back together with a BF. The W described a R where the BF wants to propose to his GF. W asked what if she says no? He says he'll just keep the ring if she's not ready and that he'd wait for her forever. W then comments how sweet. Hey W, what about me? WTH do you think I've been doing all these years? WTH do you think I'm doing now?

Of course, I just validated and listened to all of this.

She told me that she is off Sun/Mon and wants to take the kids to see Madagascar 2 tomorrow. I said that I'd like to see that movie myself. She said well let's make it a family event. I said OK. Later in the convo, she mentioned that she would buy me some new shirts for work, this was after I mentioned that I needed some long sleeve shirts for the office.

So, IDK; I put my best PMA on and didn't make one mention of our M. Listened to her talk about her friends and what they do. How she's enjoyed the time to get really intimate with her GFs. She didn't even mention the D or the settlement proposal. We're going to do something as a family tomorrow. Weird....

That's my latest.

MC

Remember, no figuring it out. Cause you can't. Rollercoaster every day. Stay grounded like you are.

Take care.

k. go to the movie as a family if you can, kids first. hell you spend on her all the time, let her get you some, and third, quit thinking lol!
love ya tom!

{{{Tom}}} good for you that she wants to buy you stuff..absolutely let her

I love that even your wife knows you are a good catch..just makes it that much crazier doesn't it? It's like HELLO..

Tawnya