Mike - I know mate. I think it's that house that gets me as much as anything. We bought that as our family home to stay in until the boys were older, but since moving there, our relationship went downhill fast to where we are now.
Hey, I'm detached, but I have feelings and lapses and a 180 for me is to stand up to her. I've always let her get her own way so hopefully you can see the spot i'm in. Believe me, nothing I would like more than spending time with my boys, but a bit like my reasoning for them not staying over at my mums, it's one of those little complications in my particular sitch.
As we always say here, take 48 hours to decide. So for me, I'll wait til after mediation Monday now but have a brief discussion in about 45 mins with W, ask why the sudden want for that when it was what I wanted 3 months ago and explain why I'm not comfortable with it.
I may even have a chat with my mum and see if they mind the boys staying over on a Wedsnesday night there instead for now. I'd be more comfortable with that
well, took S2 to fireworks, his ruv still poorly and fell asleep shivering when with me so we dropped him back to his mum on way. Had a cracking time, then took S2 home and put him to bed which ws lovely.
Then the drama. Chatted to my W and it was pointless and frutrating. She thinks i'm being unreasonable in my mediation requests and the main stumbling block is me wanting some cash now so I can have a deposit for a place for me and the boys to stay over. she thinks a deposit she put on our first house 14 years ago is so significant. I tried to explain my reasoning she tried hers which was ridiculous. In the end I had to leave and said that I will have to speak to my solicitor and get his advice as if he thinks, like I do, that what I'm asking is not unreasonable and I would win in court, then so be it. It is not what I want but I've given everything to you, the kids and this family for 14 years so to expect me to start from nothing, which in the current financial climate and getting a mortgage will be impossible, your mad.
Yes, I got sucked in to her madness a little but it does not other me to much anymore. I did not lose my temper, I was really frustrated and angry as I only see her stubborness and selfishness as harming the kids. She expects me to live in a bedsit if need be and to give her more...WTF. She thinks and her solicitor has told her, she will get more than the statutory maintenance....wtf...great solicitor that sounds to me, but I need to speak to my solicitor to confirm so on to him tomorrow to meet up before Monday.
Did see a letter from her sols while there tho saying I'm not legally obliged to pay the bills as paying mortgage and if I cannot afford it and to live she has no ground...ha ha...1 -0 me at last.
I'm ok, just so pissed that she cannot be reasonable for the kids. She doesn't seem to want me to have any real part in their lives. I can only think so she can make out I am the bad guy in all this in the years that follow.
Arthur--I've been slack in being here because of work, just catching up.
Originally Posted By: Arthur
I just hate being in that house now. It no longer feels like my home, it's got to many bad memories for me. Has she slept with another man in our bed ? I know she came home at least once after sleeping with another man and got in that bed with me....all that stuff just makes it feel dirty to me.
I have the same feelings and told W that she has ruined the house for me and I will not be staying over there anymore. This is a real inconvenience for her now when she is going to travel out of town for work. What did she expect me to do? This was her decision that I have to live with, not something I thought was a good idea. Don't follow my example if it isn't right for you. Just sharing from my sitch.
Originally Posted By: Arthur
I did not lose my temper, I was really frustrated and angry as I only see her stubborness and selfishness as harming the kids.
Good job here.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
Hey Arthur, sorry to hear you hit a speedbump there. Just wanted to pop in and say hang in there. BTW, I have now joined you guys in surviving!
I know MM and I was first to respond. By STBD forum rules, you owe me a drink for being first. I'll go crazy and have a red wine as I'm told it's good for the memory. At least I think that's what it was !!!
For waht it is worth, my old house does not feel like mine anymore either. I understand your feelings but have stayed in the house overnight for my daughter. Sleep with the kids...they`ll get a kick out of it!
You sound like you are doing very well. Don't have anything to add but wanted to let you know I was still following along. Mediation and all that financial BS must be a pain in the a**. I hope it all works out the way you want it to.
