Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Moving her from Newbees

Hi Clayton, We all get tired. I think a vacation will be a good break for you. You & your W have probably had your walls up for a long time & you cannot expect them to fall down quickly. It takes alot of patience & understanding. I sure wish my H would have wanted to be friends w/me. Have you read the 5LL? Do you know what your W or your LL is? Maybe try a bit of that approach. Have done any fun activities together? Just some suggestions. Peace.

Hey MsMeloncoly,

No...I have not read 5LL & I don't know what her LL is.

I'm just soo tired of all this. I just wish we could connect.

Hey Clayton. Hope you had yet another fun-filled weekend!

I came across a sticky on the Newcomers forum that I thought you'd have some great contributions. Check it out if you have time:

"Being in the "friend zone" with your WAS..."

Hey there COG,

Yesterday I went to a Salsa workshop. 4 hrs of training. Holy crap...my feet are sore.

Gave the W a quick call yesterday, we are going to catch up for dinner on Wednesday. I will have to give her a list of things to do while I'm away for my month long trip to Nepal. She will have to feed the kitties, water the garden, collect mail, pay bills etc. She will be fine with all that. She's a great girl.

I don't know if I have given up actively DBing now...or if it is just natural for me and I don't have to think about it anymore.
We haven't had any negitivity in months now......but things are just status quo.
When we went out last week, I told her that I don't have any plans on how to move forward and haven't given much thought on what I'm going to do. I said that I guess she is probably in the same situation...and she agreed. I think we are both kinda crusing along not knowing what's going to happen.

I'm really detaching well though....as is she.
Don't know what this means or where it's going.

"Que Sera Sera"

I can always trust you to have a healthy weekend!

What did the DB coach say again? Friends first, then best friends, then romance, then reconciliation or something like that? I guess the hardest part of the reconciliation process really is the leap from friends to best friends. Have you thought about reaching out to a DB coach (Jody?) again to help break through to the next stage?

Hey COG,

I've already had a couple of sessions with Jody and although she was great.....she can only provide guidence.

Fate still has a very large part to play.

I called the other evening and she was at her apartment having a small salad and a glass of wine for dinner.
I'm sure she misses my cooking and companionship. It's just a shame that we are in this sitch.

Did I tell you I'm getting addicted to dancing. It's very very cool.

Hmmmm...4 hours of training...sore feet...yet still a smile on your face despite the pain? Yeah...you're an addict. Do they make "the patch" for Salsa dancing?

Hi clayton

Same as you mate. i'm a pomme in NZ for my kinwi W. Now she has gone there is a kind of "what am i doing here question'

The friends thing is hard. My w is quite happy being friends and i get the idea i could be her friend for the next 20 years -

I kind of understand if couples break on unfriendly terms then there is progress to be made. My w and i have been very good friends - we were great frind the first time she slept with om - even called me the following day to see how i was.

Don't know - i sometimes think this DB'ing is just prolonging the inevitable grief process

Like your w how do you spend time with someone you love and not BE with them. It's like a starving man having the steak just a mm away from the fork

Stinking sw in Dunedin today - i live in Andy Bay overlooking the ocean so it's a pretty spectacualr view of the ocean .

I had such major anxiety and panic attacks - i think it's worse when you don't have your support group near - like when you're not in your home country

Hey Everhope,

I used to have panic attacks.....but I'm pretty much over that now. Those stopped around 3mths after the seperation. I'm almost at mth 6 now.

I have been catching up with W about once a week since the bomb and we have been the best of friends. Still haven't talked about relationship, seperation, divorce or our past at all. The only heavy stuff is about finances since we still share accounts, mortgage etc.

I'm off next week for a month so she is coming over tonight for dinner and I'm going to give her a list of stuff she needs to take care of while I'm away. I'm thinking of broaching the subject of what she wants to do moving forward. I would like to know what her thoughts are so I know what I will be coming back to after my vacation.

At this point....I don't know if I really care either way...I just want to start moving in some sort of direction.

Clayton

If you ask she will most likely she is done. I she wants to moved forward with you - she'll tell you.

Keep it as friends and presume it's over. A month away might be good thing - she might really get the idea of missing you

Easy eh - i wish i could follow my on advie.

Have good tramp