"I've gone most of my life coming up with lots of reasons why I shouldn't do one thing or another."
Am I gonna have to go find my list around here somewhere?
I kept getting poked so I figured I should come check in.
I hope that everything I "see" around here (DB.com) is showing up in RL for you.
You just have this quality.. I remember back when I first asked you to "catch me up" and speak clear. I don't know if my perception has changed or you have.. but you speak with some clarity right now. Again.. I hope it is not my perception change.
K.. you have a lot to offer... you have had a lot of things "against" you. But you still stand out.
I mean you could write my Halmark.. any day.
"I've always wanted to be in plays from the time I was a child."
Get that list out.. I know its on there somewhere.
"The only hurt I feel is what I choose to inflict on myself."
Most of the time.. we fight ourselves.. more than we fight the "OP".
There is a tremendous amount of power in you.. never doubt it.. never underestimate it. The people that can see it.. will follow right along.. cheering you all the way.
In the end.. you will find the people following along.. add to your happiness.
This situation you find yourself in.. will be.. and has been.. a learning process.
Now..
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I've been PISSED for the past several days since getting more discovery information from spouse's lawyer. One thing included was his new bank account which is a joint account with him and his companion. It got me so mad, seemed so insulting.. and he seemed so stupid to do that.
I fumed, I stomped, I called friends for support, I yelled, I cried, I reread it again and just tried to rip that damn fantasy connection I still hold with him.
I know that seeing that information isn't anything new about what's been going on. I know that probably that was done for effect and/or commitment on his part to her and that it's none of my business. I know that each wave that whacks me isn't as bad as the last.
But oh my goodness. I went through the info reading everything and making notes of questions for my lawyer, saying what I would not passively accept diminished support even though the legal system endorses it. Perhaps it was the woman scorned thing but I figured it was time to grow some balls and take charge of my destiny.
In the lengthy note, I wrote that I was not going to communicate with him (I now refer to him as Mr. LastName) anymore because I keep forgetting that his interests are no longer in my best interest, that I fall into the 'we work together, we're a team' mentality.
Today he called and left a message. He wants to talk about the divorce and see what we can do together to move it along. He added that he had a very good lawyer and that they were becoming more aggressive. Well duh.. that's what he's paying his expensive lawyer to do! He wants me to call him back.
Here's where I need your help.
Part of me wants to tell him what I need to make a smooth divorce. I know I should write my lawyer and ask her advice which would probably be to listen and not commit to anything.
But I just get so foot stomping mad.. whenever I see him write the word 'divorce' or 'adding all five of us to the medical benefits then removing you (me) when the divorce is final' I just want to blow a gasket.
I know I have to let it go.. know this is part of the process.. but man oh man.. it just (insert suitable #$%^%$!!$%) me!!!!!
Don't talk to him about the D, especially with emotions as raw as they are now. Let the L's handle it. Ask him to communicate requests to you through them. Don't let him use your emotions, integrity, and sense of decency as a way to manipulate an agreement with him -- especially since he clearly no longer shares those traits with you.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
K, do you have a good lawyer? Trying to intimidate you like that (I have a good lawyer...) made me mad,immediately thinking I wish there is a way you could take him to the cleaners (is that how you say it?).
Is there any chance that you are missing something? Is there any chance that you are eligible for A LOT more than what he says? Is there a chance his joing account with her is a way to protect his money from you? I dont know how things work there but I do wish you could get all you deserve. UNTIL THEN, let your L loose and ask him/her to be tough. No more playing nice. But you, stay quiet... K
I feel for you. in a sense, i am in the same place...you know the rope thing. The difference is your H is trying to stick it to you finacially on top of all the other stuff....at least that is how I am reading this. That is hard to stomach. This morning you suggested I get mad. Well I know this is no consolation but you have more (as if you needed it) grounds to be MAD. (expletive not of your choice but the one that rhymes with puck) I am even mad.....all I can say is you will better of without the guy now residing in your husband`s body. Don`t call him...from this point on....lawyer to lawyer. He may sense that you are still a tad on the `friendly` side and that is not a good way to negotiate. Sorry I could not be more positive about this.
