Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Just for Today....

Fellow DBers,

Back in Chazz's God, Booze, Drugs, Pain & Divorce thread, he wrote the following:



I really like the idea. I am going to start off with a few of mine.

Just for today, I will believe my relationship with my S16 will continue to improve....
Just for today, I will resist all thoughts of my exW....
Just for today, I will resist any negative thoughts about the past....
Just for today, I focus on what God has in my future...

Take Care,

RMG

FIRST!!! And I like the positive start

(warm cocoa for me; maybe I'll sleep)

Donna,

You can have whatever drink you want....

Just for today, I am going to happy the remainder of my exW's stuff is boxed and ready for her... After this, I will finally have her out of my life....

Take Care,

RMG

Thanks RMG.... although I cannot take any credit for the Just for Today concept.

It is a principle used widely in 12-step recovery. We view our recovery and sobriety by making joices just for today.

We have discovered that a huge part of many of our problems has been with our thinking and trying to live in yesterday and tomorrow. Yet this never works and leaves us ineffective and unhappy in today.

Many of us resent or regret out past to a degree that we are stuck stewing about it today. We unknowingly sacrifice our todays over the pains and regrets of the past.

At the same time, we have discovered that we also fear the future or live in an unrealistic day dream of the future. Again to the exclusion of the present day.

Many of us said, I will stop drinking tomorrow. Or after this event or that event or whatever. Yet that day never came.

The one and only day we have any control over is today. We can only affect choices of today.... not tomorrow. And the past is gone. So the process of recovery centres largely around living and making choices just for today.

It also takes the pressure off of trying to do something for the rest of our lives when we dont know what life will serve us up. It is too big of a task. Life proves this over and over. How many of us had spouses who swore before God and witnesses to love us forever for better or worse, etc? Yet that one-time decision fizzled over time for any number of reasons.

Not only did some of our ex's leave us, many of them hurt us in the most agonizing ways. Not to offload blame here... because we also would have had a part in not fulfilling our one-time wedding vows. Frankly, wedding vows don't seem to work.

For that reason, I feel more that I will love my wife one day at a time. I will make choices for today that affect today regarding my marriage. For the positive. I believe that this will result in the future unfolding in a more positive way than if I conspire about tomorrow today.

The Bible teaches a few things about this. Someone else mentioned in a previous post that Jesus taught "take no thought for tomrrow because today has enough worries of its own". This is what I am talking about.

We had a guy speak at our AA meeting last night who is sober over 55 yers. He got sober in 1953. He is almost 90. Ask him how he did it an he will tell you, he just made a decision daily and stuck to it. He has stayed sober for a lifetime, one day at a time.

For me, this has proven to be a much better way to look at life. I feel far less stress and worry. Far less regret. Far less depression. Things don't overwhelm me like they used to.

And as for the past, I have surrendered it. It happened. It is over. Where I have been wrong or hurt others in the past, I seek at a realistic pace to make amends for those events. Where amends cannot be made, I just let the event go.

I can look back and learn, but I dont have to agnoize, regret, or resent. I am not fully perfect at this yet, but I am much much better and life is much much better for it. There is so much to say on a matter like this but I will leave it at that. It really does work.

Ciao.

Chaz

Chazz,

I appreciate your post. I look forward to responding to it later. I have two pressing projects this evening.

Just for today, I will resist all thoughts of my exW....
Just for today, I will resist any negative thoughts about the past....

Take Care,

RMG

I think that this is a great idea for you RMG...you can put one up every morning, and just by "putting it out there," you will be more likely to accomplish your goal.

I looked at your thought, "Just for today I won't think of my X..."
showed me that I'm still holding onto something, because my initial thought was that I wasn't willing to let that go for even a day....a good goal for me. And it only has to be for one day...

Take care with your projects...

Donna,

Yes, I do believe it is good to set daily goals. I think it would be very positive if you would get up one day and really believe you are going to do your best not to think about your exH.

For me, not thinking of my exW has been a real problem on and off since our S....... I had a recent e-mail exchange with her where she expressed anger (again) over the house we lived in together... Of course, that has been on my mind...

exW and I looked at model homes in a really nice neighborhood right before the bomb.... I had to get a dig in that new W and I bought a house there during our e-mail exchange.....

I know exW is still very angry and unwilling to feel anything... I am honestly still POed that she threw away our M and the deep love I had for her.... IMHO, it was such a waste.....

Oh, well.... People make their choices... They need to deal with God and their conscience.... Life does go on....

Take Care,

RMG

If you have such a wonderful new life, I am surprised that you would still feel anger...it hasn't turned to happiness, gratitude even, for the new life her leaving left open for you?

I am just curios, as I don't know what I will feel toward my X as I continue on with my life...

Donna,

I do have a wonderful new life.... I know she gave me this opportunity....

But, deep down, I am still angry about what happened.... Being stabbed in the back like that.... By someone who was so close to me... The way she threw away almost 16 years....

I love CSI Miami... This reminds me of when a guy was watching Horatio Caine talk to his exW.... He asked, "Was it serious with her?" Horatio said, "It was for me." That is very profound.

Just for today, I will NOT be angry with duma$$ exW...

Is that an okay goal?

Donna, honestly... It is hard to predict how you will feel about this... It goes in waves.... I wish I could tell you with more certainty what to expect...

RMG

Ok.... I gotta jump in on this little bid of Topic Drift...



Way off topic but here it is....

I get a kick out of CSI Miami. If there is really that much cleavage on a police force then sign me up! And ladies.... How would you like to investigate messy crime scenes with your 4" heels and hair dangling?

Where is the magical fairly land where everyone is a millionaire and nobody is overweight?

I find it hilarious and so typically the false representation that the entertainment industry feeds us that keeps women feeling like crap about themselves. Men too I suppose. I would love to have as extensive wardrobe of tasty suits that I can wear to any and all events in my life like Wolf and Eric Delco!

Ok.... so back on topic.

I have to do a just for today today. I am experiencing some pain around missing my kids yet again. I woke up early over it. I have to go into work and cannot be distracted or divided if I want to be effective.

So just for today... my relationship with my kids is in God's hands.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (the way my ex behaves in our co-parenting),

the courage to change the things I can (the way I behave in our co-parenting),

And the wisdom to know the differerence (her stuff versus my stuff [of which there is a lot])."

Will let ya know how it goes!

Ciao.

Chaz