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I just cannot imagine a scenario where I am not calling up the L for an appt. tomorrow............

I can imagine one. If your H turned into Kalni's H sometime around lunchtime today. But you don't need to rush. Of course he wants to sit on the fence, enjoy family time when it is fun, throw fits when it is not, and be able to threaten divorce. You are more grounded in a concrete reality. Yes means yes and no means no, and people follow through on what they say. I don't know him, but I think he just likes to complain and watch you jump to try to fix things.

Bbj,
my atbxH (almost to be X H) is far from being used here as a comparison. Remember, we are seperated for a WHOLE YEAR!!! We have gone to the lawyers (both of us) in the beginning, our families have lived the Divorce trauma, our kids also, I spent a lot of money in therapy, he did what Dan does for 5 months BEFORE he moved out...

I understand you but trust me, you need to stand strong and be ...patient (sorry).
Love
K

So, does patient involve H yelling at me two weeks ago, saying he wants a D (ok he did say later he was sorry, he does not hate me, but he did NOT ever say he didn't want the D)....

Then hanging out like everything is "ok"....then saying he doesn't understand how things can be going so well, then saying he will "talk" to me but not actually "talking" to me?

My patience is stretching so much I am sure I have pulled a muscle.........

Yes K your H is in a different spot. He did all of that you say, BEFORE he moved out. Well, for 10 months BEFORE H moved out, he was sleeping with someone else AND threatening D. Then AFTER he moved out, he was sleeping w/someone else for 3 months.

My difference, to me, is that he ALREADY moved back in saying he wanted to "work on things". We went to Retro, he was doing the 'work', then apparently decided it was too much work and he wanted a D...........

I just feel like things are going backward instead of forward. He already got to 'leave', then he got to realize it was a mistake and ask to come back. So what do you call this part?? It is not a reconciliation, maybe a re-consideration?

I am just so very frustrated..................................I know I don't really want a D but I desperately want SOMETHING to be different. I want to matter, dammit! I want to be important, to be a treasure that is not worth the risk of losing..........someone who is worth the effort...

I feel what you are saying Bobbijo. Get and/or continue to be active, maybe even hyperactive, w/ God. All of the things he touches and has a part in become golden and beyond precious.

I know you want the tangible, in the flesh feeling of being loved and cherished. We all crave that. His timing will be perfect. He will sustain you for as long as you call on Him to do so. I have shared with many people a truth that I told my darling W in April at our last anniversary but I don't know if I mentioned it to you. She was so intent on me "finding the right person" and all that gobbly-gook that WA's use. She was semi-convinced that she would be doing me a favor by D'ing me and allowing me to remarry and have a family. I told her that to me in my heart I am married to Jesus and to her and that in extremely difficult times of "marital jeopardy" I will always have my primary M to survive on.

Stay strong and keep calling on your Master and Lord to carry you through these immensely difficult times. Jesus is the Way.

BBJ,

You deserve an answer to you questions. It's just that no one here can answer them. Only your husband can.

BBJ,

Move the ball down the field. Keep your head up. When you are strong and determined Dan follows you. He reacts positively to you. Be that leader. I know it's hard, but it works with him. Call the lawyer. Make Dan play the game by your rules. Remember, it's your game. You can always send the lawyer to the bench.

I have found myself in a game of chicken, I think...

I asked Dan if he had anything to talk about last night, he said, "While I am tired and dirty and just got home from farming?" (9:30 p.m.)

We were actually having a nice time, watching Desperate Housewives together...once again, we are getting pretty good at 'hanging out'...

So I told him that was that, I had said I was calling a lawyer, what more did he expect from me, I wanted a real partner. That I had told him this on Wednesday and he acted all emotional but never said, "I DON'T want a divorce". I added a little, this time I told him that although I don't intend to introduce the kids to ANYONE until they are much older, I WOULD date when he had the kids b/c I wanted to be able to share my love with someone, and receive love from someone. That I preferred it be him, but he wasn't giving me that option...

He basically stared at me/watched my every move after that. I was going around tidying up the kitchen and bath and any time I walked near him he was watching me...

I asked him what he was doing once, he said "Thinking"

Then I went to bed, I had put his pillow back on our bed after he came to our bed Saturday night. I put his pillow out in the hallway for him to use downstairs, and I went to bed.

In the old days I would have pursued, pushed him to talk to me...

This time I just went to bed.

About 30 minutes later H came to bed, in our bed. I asked what he was doing, he said going to bed. I said, Why in our bed, he said "I'm thinking"...

WTF does that mean? AM I supposed to be 'auditioning' at this point? Like I am a candidate for the job of 'wife'?? Geez!

So he slept in our bed all night with me. When he left this morning he came back in to get something he forgot, I was on the stairs. I gave him a look, which was supposed to mean, "So WTF are you doing?" He must have read it wrong b/c he leaned in and kissed me goodbye. First kiss in several weeks...????????

I said are you still thinking? He said, "Yeah". I said, "Well, sorry, I shouldn't be that tough a decision..............." and I went back up the stairs.

I forgot, when I said something about getting a D he started to say "You were the one who went to a lawyer" like it was MY fault, like it was totally not his idea.... I said, "Who said they wanted a D?" He got all quiet....

{{{{{BbJ}}}}}

Sweetie, I am sorry that Dan is being such a chowderhead! Keep your chin up and know that the Lord will always be there for you. Allow him to be your husband while Dan is on the fence.

SMW