Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the Guy with Kids and a WW Diciotto

Yes, that friend of yours was definitely sent to you. You know whose hands to put your life in...you'll be ok.

And, I think you did the right thing with your wife. She needed to know.

((((( h4h)))))))))

Thank you, beej.

Yeah, He keeps looking out for me.

I felt like it was the right thing to do. When I did talk to the FIL's brother last night, he did make it seem like he was actually doing a little better. They didn't expect him to make it through this PAST weekend and he did.

Now, I'm feeling worried for the wife. Wanting to check on her. Email her something uplifting. A nice text. Something.

She just makes me F'ing sad. I don't even think sad is the right word. Not disgusted or angry or sad. Just upset. Like upset with myself for caring so much for her. The more I try to get her out of my thoughts, the more she is there. I guess that is just the way it is. As long as I'm still going on with my life, having fun, enjoying my kids, liking myself more...maybe the thoughts will always be there.

This will probably sound cruel but please don't go the extra mile for her right now. Be there for her family and your daughters. She dug this hole and you being extra nice and sweet is just going to sugar coat it for a while longer. Don't go out of your way to be mean either but put the kind thoughts and attention where they need to be and with those that deserve it.

kat

I agree with Kat. I do think you've done everything right, calling to tell your W and all that. I hope your FIL will be all right soon... Karen

kat and karen,

I didn't end up doing anything. Kept it in. Just continuing the no contact thing as much as I can.

So no contact.

Hard to keep that niceness inside of me. The rescuer. The comforter. The rock. Her lean on person.

Hard not to show her that. To offer it to her.

Normal thing tonight. Pick up the girls. Cook some dinner. Watch some Ace Ventura Pet Detective. Showers and then bedtime. I love it. D7 has been very testy last night and this morning. I little tonight too. The wife warned me about her attitude lately. The difference between the wife and I is that I'm not going to give in to her. Pisses D7 off, but she'll learn and besides, she can't stay mad at daddy very long. I always find a way to make her laugh now. Then I give her the talk. That her attitude is just going to hurt her and that it has no effect on me.

My seven year old is going to be the one to do me in.

BTW, I have already warned my boss about FIL. I do hope he comes out of this, but it's only a matter of time at this point. If he passes, it will be interesting for us to be gathering in Laredo. I will take the standard time off for a family member. I know that the wife will not be in any shape to care for the kids, so I expect to have them with me. Even while in Laredo.

I can relate. I have always been the "fixer" as much as I could fix. It was not always a role I wanted but when someone has to step forward and no one else does...you become the fixer.

Your kids already adore you and look to you for stability. Your D7 is having issues from the situation. D11 seems to be more outgoing so I think she is finding a better way to cope. Please just continue to be their rock.

I know you can help them alot. Just don't forget to take care of yourself too!

Hugs, kat

Again, I think you made a good decision. You sound good.....struggling as we all are....but, good. ((((h4h)))))

WHICH decision was a good one?

I feel good. Been feeling good. Just so up and down concerning my wife. In dealing with her. Being dark with her feels so unnatural.

Is it really the right thing when trying to win her back? I can understand doing it for MY benefit. I just see the flip side as helping her to build the life she wants away from me.

She doesn't have to deal with me. She's probably happy as hell that I'm being dark with her. It's what she wants. Less guilt for her to deal with.

Talking to my friend was VERY inspiring. Actually knowing someone that made it even from the point of her filing on him and him counter filing. He gave me very uplifing words and also warned me on the temptations. Being strong in my sitch. If he could do it, I could do it. I even used Jeff's analogy of feeling like the kicked dog. He turned it right around on me and told me that I'm an intelligent, thinking, caring man who is able to decide what hurts me and doesn't hurt me and that I know what I want.

I will definately be picking his brain.

I just hope I can keep being strong.

THe decision to have no contact for a bit is what I thought was a good decision.

It does seem counterproductive, but remember I said you should do this because you were starting to hate her.

There are two families of thought...one, stay away and let her miss you and realize she doesn't get you AND her other life....two, love her, spend as much time with her as possible, get truth darts in there, show her the man she is married to........I think either can work depending on the circumstances.

Most would say to do the first right now because of your feelings lately. You seemed about ready to call it quits because of the "in your face" things that occured (seeing the OM's shoes, hearing their conversations, etc.). Also, what you have been doing hasn't been working. It's the DB technique. I can tell you if my H had backed off and I thought he was moving on I would have started to worry. I would have probably tried to contact him more and keep him from emotionally leaving me. BUT.....I hadn't moved out of the house having my OM openly stay with me and have my H know about it. So, there is a difference there.

In the Fireproof movie it shows how the wife had started to move on....found another man.....even filed papers. The movie took the other approach. The H continued to love her and show her love and do "The Love Dare" (book). Praying. He knew about the OM, came to his work, and told him he would be FIGHTING For HIS WIFE'S heart.

So, not sure the right way. You will know. But, I do know that the friend that has come to your life again will be very valuable for you. Just like the Dad in the movie was for the husband.

Keep being strong. We all know you can.

Thank you, beej. I think I have read your post for the sixth time now. Things that I need to consider. I just need to keep my wits about me if I go the other way. This I know.

Just out of curiousity, what does everyone else think? Tactically, speaking. Am I doing the right thing to help me get to my goal?

Puppy? What are your thoughts? I'd love to hear your take.