Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Stepping a toe into the light

Hi Julia,

Sorry that you haven't heard back from your H yet. So no response to the text still?

I think we all wonder if we don't deserve better. We all deserve better than the way that things are now, without question. It's just a matter of holding out hope that what we get will be so good that this effort and discomfort will all be worth it.

I hope you have a really nice holiday, and maybe get a little bit of male attention while you're at it!

ITH

Julia, I hope you are having a fabulous vacation!!!

P.S. I think we all go through the phase were we feel that we deserve better.

(((((Julia))))))))

I just know your vacation is going fantastically! Can't wait to hear all about it!

(((mishka, sep, ITH)))

I'm home! I had a really great time - very restful. Course I get home to stuff that undoes all the restfulness in the h department but I will post more about that tomorrow. For now, nicer things. I had a fabulous time getting some sunlight and warmth and had a lovely time with my friend. It did me so much good to get away!

Oooh, I have lots of catching up with everyone now!

(((all)))

Hey Julia!
Glad you had a good time, its been one hell of a week here !!!

Hope you are ok regarding the H stuff, I was wondering if there wuld be some change, as there is so much of it about.

Al x

(((((Julia))))))

Hey there girl! Missed you. I'm so glad to hear that you had a wonderful, restful time. Sorry you had to come home to H stress. We'll be around to listen.

Hey Mishka and Ali, thanks for stopping by.

So... I know you guys will tell me not to have looked but it is fairly clear from FB that my h is moving with that girl - whether as friends or something else I don't know. I am not going to assume. I am fairly gutted but I have to say not devastated which is kind of showing me that maybe I am moving on?? I am not sure that I can keep this thing up much longer as I am feeling the need to move forward with my life now too. Coming back to this house after the hols was not nice; it doesn’t feel like home anymore just a big old empty house. He is now making his 'home' elsewhere and clearly has no intention of coming home and truth be told is not pining away missing me and is actually enjoying life, or thinking he is enjoying life, by the sound of it.

Maybe I am being too pragmatic but the phrase 'flogging a dead horse' comes to mind. I am not even sure now that I want him back as how could I ever trust that he would not just 'give up' so easily again. Could I really be in a relationship where I walked on eggshells thinking that things I may do would mean he may walk out again. I thought I would just be able to forgive him, I am not angry with him and I do not blame him but I do now feel betrayed. Probably a lot of assuming and feelings going on there. Perhaps not very DBing?!

There has been no reply to my email although he did reply to my text re the cat just before I flew out. It said to tell her off (for drinking from the toilet) and how disgusting was that and was I going on holiday today. I replied I was and got nothing, no 'have a great time' or anything.

I am going to have to do some thinking about what I want because for the first time ever it is not 'I just want my husband to come home'.

Hey Julia,

I have to be honest with you.. i wasnt seeing any baby steps in yuor sitch, he's barely in touch for some months now (?) and it did look like he had another gf, which would explain his ability to not give you much or hardly see you.

If "that girl" was the one you considered the ow and he has said on FB that they are moving in together (was that it?) then yes, it sounds like he has been dating her and now they are going to rent a place.. I dont think it would be healthy for you to assume its just as friends. I also think its incredibly cowardly and unfair of him to not TELL YOU that he has a gf and has decided to move in with her. Just like my ex not telling me. Its not great. I'm not angry either, but I also woke up thinking, I'm not sure I could forgive him/trust him.

You've had so little to keep you going, it seems at this stage, all you can do is like you say, move forwards with your life and try and make a success of it without this man. I'm so sorry that you had to find out from FB (that sucks) and of course noone would tell you not to look! You have to know. If he isnt going to tell you, what choice do you have? I went for a drink with my ex's BMF gf and gave her a grilling George Foreman would have been proud of. Knowledge is power, and anyway, he's already been gone a year and you guys are barely in touch.

I'm sorry for this long and probably unhelpful post, but whats happeend to you and me and Lisa isnt fair, its hard to deal with, its hurtful and its life altering. I'm not the same person I was and I do have a lot to be grateful for in how much I;ve had to take a long hard look at myself and grow up and change.

Why dont you stop DBing and just ask to speak to him/see him and ask him how he is? Ask him if theres anything he wants to tell you? What do you have to lose at this point and maybe it would be cathartic and set you free?

Thinking of you and I'm glad you dont feel devastated and maybe a little bit ready to start living again, one step at a time.

Ali xxx

Hey Ali

Thanks for posting. He didn't announce it on FB I can see it all on my SIL pages. It doesn't confirm relationship status or friendship status.



I know that I would not get an answer I have learnt that I am the only one who can make that decision - he made his a year ago and he seems to be sticking to it at the moment... as hard as that is on me. I suppose what I am really thinking is how long I can wait for. If he has to 'see this out' living with the other girl (yes the same one) then how long can I hang around for.

(((((Julia)))))

That sounds horrible. I guess I'd ask how your life would change if you weren't waiting for him. What would you do differently? IMHO, DBing is about moving on with your life and not putting your life on hold in the hope of reconciliation. I know your life is moving on, so am just curious about what else you'd change.....

Let me know if you fancy a chat- I'm free tomorrow if you want to get together for coffee.

L. xx

PS> Holiday sounds great- I'm glad you had a good time!!