Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Midwestern Girl 10/23/08

MGW, you have too much bottled up inside you for far to long. You can let it out, you can do your own thing, you can state your feelings. Right now and what seems like forever it will make little or no difference to Mr Know it all aka your husband.
Christmas might even be a happier time for you and your children without his dark presence.
Ask a homeless person to join in your festivities I am sure they would be delighted to share with you and may even bring you blessings.
Sorry to hear about your dog, how is she doing?. I have an old fella who I adore but he is on borrowed time,thankfully he is not suffering and my vet is getting richer all the time! Not to mention my cat now tail-less after 8 wks of vet hospital care.
Release the pain and hurt from your heart in some way, it will pay dividends I am sure.
Have a good week end. Don't enable your H. Maybe God is moving o you to speak out.

MWG, you have bottled up so much and have been very patient. At least let it out here, knowing your friends are here to support you.

MWG if that bothers you so much, then you do need to draw the line. Could you make new plans this year that don't include h?

I am not so sure he feels obligated. If your h didn't care he wouldn't be around.

If your h is truly depressed, hence the alcohol to drown his sorrows and to escape from reality, he may be paralyzed to do anything about his sitch. Like looking for work etc.

It's easier for him to drink vs having to face looking for a job etc.

Your h has some deep wounds such as the hating himself. It will be necessary to get to the root of that.

I have NO advice other than to say I am sorry you are struggling. It sounds like your faith may be wavering today or this week.

Do you think being out working has changed your thinking or your standing?

Hugs!

My h cut way back on the drinking but has started up quite a bit. For example, earlier in the week, he told me he was drinking from the time he got out of bed and it was after 3PM when I was talking to him.

He keeps saying this is a vacation for him and he is not looking for a job right now.

There are no new plans the kids and I could make as we have to work and I have to cook for the kids so it is me and them.

As for my faith wavering, no, I am just very tired. Being away from work I am much more content as I have so many things I can do at home. When I am not here, it tends to get crazy around here and the house goes to pot.

As for being out and working changing my stand--no, not a chance. Being out working has put a lot more stress on me and it is added stress I just do not need.

I totally understand about work MWG. I work a full time stressful job with a ton of responsibilities, working weekends and one night a week and then trying to raise little ones too.

Much weight is put on our shoulders. Don't let the stress get to you. There are only so many hours in the day to accomplish what we need to.

Thanks, all for being here for me.

I am off to work in a few.

I don't for one minute think MWG is altering her stand. I do think maybe she is seeing a different approach might be necessary.
I don't think her faith is waivering at all, maybe she is gaining some clarity.
I think her H has always been this way, but when she was less tired and a stay at home mum it was easier for her to just put up with things.
Thousands of us work and run a home, so many of us are stressed because of it but if added to that you spouse looses his job, drinks and treats it as a vacation then no wonder she feels like this.
If you were struggling like mad to keep afloat, running around like crazy and your partner was laid back, horizontal with a beer in hand then you have every right to speak out.
Maybe God is showing her other ways to reach him or at least be the person she needs to be to get through this without turning her self into a martyr. Right now her kids need her well and as happy as she can be after all, she is the only responsible parent they have that they can depend on.
Sometimes it takes a crisis to shift a person out of his crisis and MWG's h knows he can depend on her to suck it all up and carry on, why would he bother to change. He has got it made.

Well it finally happened my husband moved in O/W to live with him in Georgia.... I am doing better than I thought I would be... but it is my daughter who is so hurt by this, he wont even answer her calls at all....I feel so bad for her.I keep hearing "MY PLAN IS IN ACTION" I believe this is the Lord telling me this will come to pass....
I have to keep praying that I can still love my husband.He iss no longer the man I married....he is an alien.... my husband would never do this before his capture from the enemy.
Just keep us in your prayers....
I really do believe God is trying to tell me something.

I couldn't do that. When xH and I were still living in the same house, I didn't let him come sleep here when he was out at bars (with his OW). He slept in his car many nights. Oh well. I wasn't his 'resting' spot between parties.

Why do you keep so much bottled up? I sometimes worry you don't value yourself enough to realize your opinion, your feelings (especially your hurt feelings) matter so much.

MWG, I think you need to draw a line here for your own mental health. Your feelings matter, too.

I am doing better since drawing a line, and it has been better for me.