Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Is this worth saving, or am I only fooling myself?

I'm with kat and WDID, NO housewarming gifts!!!!!!!!

Thanks guys and gals. I think I knew the answer, but I'm still new at this.

I want to let her know that I do care, but at the same time I realize it's her that needs to figure things out, not me. I know what I want and I'm willing to work on it. It's up to her to figure that out for herself.

You're right Kat, it isn't what I wanted to hear, but it is what I needed to hear. I suppose that's just me still needing some form of validation.

Didi, I have read a lot of your posts and I realize that you were in somewhat the same position as my WAW. What turned you around? If you don't mind me asking. What did your H do that made you want to try again? How long did he have to wait?

I'm just so impatient, it's something I really have to work on. I'm a problem solver and normally it doesn't take me long to figure things out, but I have to admit, I'm a lost ball in high weeds here.

Thanks again for your input everyone, it really does mean a lot to me and helps me see things more clearly.

MC, I just realized a couple of days ago that you and I are both KY boys. Go Big Blue!! (I hope you're not a Louisville fan). I'm not really a big sports fan, but most people in KY are big Wildcat fans.

Dash

Well, i might LIVE in KY; but I'm a native of GA. But if I have to choose between da Ville and UK; then it's UK. 'Cause I'm SEC all the way BABY.

Go DAWGS!!

I've got another question.

According to what I've read, exposing the affair to her family is something I should do. She told me that they know about it, but I don't believe they do. I don't even think they knew she was getting an apartment just from their reaction when I told them I had taken her to sign the lease last Saturday.

How should I bring it up? I'm not really close to them, and maybe they do know. But my W is really good at telling lies and avoiding things (Scarlet O'Hara Syndrome?).

Any ideas? Should I really do this or will it only cause more trouble with me and W? I believe her older sister knows, they're really close, but I know her younger sister didn't know until I told her. But she (the younger sister) won't talk to me now.

They might be able to add some pressure on her about doing the right thing, if she values their opinion of her that is. This is more puppy's field of expertise. You might try to track him down.

My MIL knew but was afraid to say anything in case her wonderful son got mad at her and refused to come visit her anymore! My FIL, didn't know until I told him but he had an Affair and MLC too, so who was he to talk in his opinion. Messed up family!

kat

I kind of fear their reaction because they're a messed up family too.

I think a lot of my W's problems stem from her mother. Her mother is one of those people that just doesn't know how to show any sort of emotion other than anger and she's not the best listener. She also values cats more than people. A problem I had with my W and her cat. The cat got more attention and affection than I did.

Thing is, my W left the cat behind and then got an apartment where she can't have the cat. This told me that she wanted away from me so badly that she was willing to sacrifice the cat. Something I would have never guessed. It also makes me wonder if there really is any hope for us.

I would say don't tell the family. In my situation it hasn't done any good. The one rational thinking in-law that I have in my sitch doesn't have the power to do or change anything, so don't waste your time.

I'm about 5 months into my separation and just found out 2 days ago for sure that my W is having an affair.

The best advice I can give is to spend as much time with your son. Possibly take legal action to get a joint care arrangement if possible... currently you are setting things up as her being the primary care-giver and may be phasing yourself out of your son's life.

It is extremely difficult to follow the DR advice, but the sooner you get to the acceptance stage instead of the denial, anger, depression, pleading/negotiating (if I do this, she'll do that).... the sooner you will find yourself in a good place in your situation.

Good luck. I'll be pulling for you.

I agree with MC. If you do reconcile, you will have to get beyond that hurdle if the family knows. That will be just one more obstacle to a full reconciliation.

Thanks for the advice guys.

It's just so damned frustrating. I wish I knew what to do to bring this all to an end. I know I need to be patient, not my strong suit I'll admit.

It just hurts more every day that I don't hear from her. It's been four days now and nothing. It kills me knowing she is taking the time to email him, but I get nothing.

Which I should be used to since it was going on long before we split up. She used to email me several times a day at work and call me once or twice. Then she stopped doing that. But at least she was there when I got home. I think she probably stopped because of him, or I should say because she got involved with him.

It's hard. Life shouldn't have to be this hard. Loving someone shouldn't be this hard.

I'm not sure if I have the strength to do this. I can't take the loneliness. Even when I'm around people, I still ache for her.

Dash, you've just started this process. You're grieving right now. We've all been there. You will have to get through the grief; it feels as though someone in your family has died. I know, I've been there; but that was nearly 8 months ago. Time will get you to the next step.

Once your through the grief, the real work on Dash can begin in earnest. You will do this. We've all been doing this.

Keep coming here. We understand. Let it out here; so that you can be strong in your REAL world.

Take care buddy.