Actually, really it is not that bad. I have alot of defense mechanisms.. One of them is the couple that I am traveling with. The bickering that goes on in a married couple, well it reminded me of TJ and I at our worst. Now I know how horrible it is to be treated that way, and I would never take love for granted again. That is what I have had to learn. I am so grateful that no one treats me that way. Another thing I use as a defense mechanism is all the harm and lying that TJ is doing. Why do I want that in my life? So it all come back to God. He has a plan, and it will lead me to happiness on some level.
Then there is the fact that I am getting to be pretty intuitive. My intuitive thoughts are that this divorce was necessary for TJ to learn the value of me. He needs a complete faith overhaul. Then we will be reconciled. I really truly believe it. So I am praying like he is coming home, and living like he is not. And I spend a lot of time in prayer.
I am writing this because so many of us wonder how it will feel. You always hear of the devastation and pain. I chose to not be devastated and pained. I chose to take it in stride the best I can. I just trust God. If this helps someone else out there, I am grateful. It is not without pain and loss. But really, is is bearable, and even in my best interest. Because after all, it is just a piece of paper that gives me financial security. I am still his wife in the eyes of God. Take care. H.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
