Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy HTTE, The tough road...Facing the big D

I just don't get it. I am working on myself, detatching being a gread dad and enjoying my life but...but I still want to be with this woman.

Oveer the past few weeks I've been getting out, making friends and getting some attention from laidies. Last night I realized why I wasn't interested. I don't have any affection for them.

After everything, I still want to be around her and do little nice things for her and make her happy. The reality of it is that I don't realy like being around her because it is stressful. Those feelings of affection are not fading. Everything else...the pain, sorrow, loss, and sadness are becoming easier. But I still love her and feel such a tremendous amount of affection towards her. I wouldn't be surprised if these feelings never go away.

That one's easy, HTTE -- you're a "Pleaser." Also known as "Nice Guy."

I know, cuz I'm a card-carrying member of the club.

Puppy

They sadly can go away or as in my case they are locked up in a huge book that contains the last 21 years of our life together. Too painful to look at right now and made it so much easier to deal with how I want and need to make my life.

I couldn't continue to be stuck. I had to drop the rope(I actually threw it as far as I could) just so I could get on with living. You need to decide how you can deal with it. We each do. Best wishes for you.

kat

HTTE, as much as I hate to actually admit it, I feel exactly the same. I know I love her. The pain and hurt and anger have faded. If I dwell on things, the feelings come back, though.

And affection?

For the ladies that I keep coming across...nice ladies. Good looking, sexy, great personalities....

I just have no affection for them. I thought I was interested, but deep down I'm not. I don't feel it. I know who holds my heart.

And so does she. That poses a problem, huh?

I can't explain it...I'm having lots of feelings of love. Love for my kids, my life, my job and love for my wayward W.

I think about things alot still but I'm trying a new tactic. I'm just letting myself feel these feelings. Then moving on...

Other thoughts I have are to initiate fleeting bits of contact. A good night text here. A positive response there...I then gague the response. I texted her "Good morning!" last week and she responded "Why?". LOL, I'm not sure if she was asking why my morning was good or something else...lol

I almost feel like I'm in a huge match of emotional chess. There are moves that I can make to influence my opponent, or to make small victories but I don't know what the "right" moves are.

I still feel surprisingly good considering I havn't a clue what I'm doing. W and I had some polite family business texts yesterday and all went well. I let her know that I would come home late. She texted me a thanks for letting her know.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I returned home. She was in the guest bed this time. I went in there to say goodnight and ended up sleeping next to her. It wasn't an accident.

In the morning I woke her by rubbing her back and she asked me to rub the back of her neck. When I told her she really needed to get going she said, "I know but you keep rubbing me."
That was nice to hear.

I have no expectations but I do have some hope left. I feel as if I'm going to be ok no matter what happens. That's why I was willing to take a chance. That and because I wanted to.

Do I know if it was the right move...? No. But I got a good nights rest and some good perspective.

Not much to write, I'm still on the coaster with how I feel towards W. She called in sick for her evening with the girls last Thursday and then went out and partied Friday.

A long lost Buddy from Juinior High and High School called me over the weekend. Turns out he was getting married and he offered me a late invite to his wedding. It was a blast.

I have some things to work out with W, bills and haloween stuff...meh...It'll all work out.

HTTE

Haven't posted to you, but scanned where you are at. This freakin rollercoaster is no fun, is it? But one silver lining is the personal growth we all go through.



The key to the above is a realization that you will be okay no matter what happens. That, my friend, is the best message you can give yourself IMO. That is the pie. Everything else is the "a la mode"! (sorry, best I could do Monday morning).

Slow and steady and no expectations.

Take care.

Thanks lost. I really am starting to get ahold of "being ok" no matter what. Sometimes I loose it and then pick it up again. But so far so good I feel good most of the time, but I still think about my sitch and W much of the day.

W called to discuss some things today and it went ok or better than ok I guess. We settled that we would do Halloween together on Fri and take the kids to a party on Sat, again together.

During part of the conversation I told her that I wasn't giving up. That I still thought we have a good chance to reconcile but that I was going to give up any of the awkwardness and bad feelings and just live, have fun and enjoy life.

Lately my good attitude has led me to push some of her boundaries. Admittedly some of them probably a bit too far. I'm going to be more careful and keep myself and my emotions in check.

W asked me to lunch yesterday to discuss what we should do with benifits now that she has full time employment. All went well, was fun really, only minor R talk though I did speak my mind on a few things and so did she. Overall it was pleasant enough.

Once I returned to work I realized that it wasnt as good as I thougth. Her attitude is still the same, and she is still just as much in crisis as ever She just has a job now.

More than once she put her own living situation and freedoms over the happiness and wellbeing of the children. Wow, When I realized that she still thought that way I began to understand my place in the heirarchy. (which is far below that of the kids.)

I am almost set for Halloween, and the party on Sat. Should be interesting but I'm just going to have a good time.