I'm with Saffie, what's mine is mine, and what's his is ours.
LOL!!! Makes perfect sense to me!
I think what's difficult for me is I don't like asking or demanding things. I might mention my thoughts or feelings, but I don't feel comfortable asking for something, nagging giving ultimatums, etc.... I need for him to just want to do these things.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Of course! As would I...we're good at this need, us women.
Knowing his personality as you do, is this something he understands? It may not even occur to him how this makes you feel...and it never will if you don't discuss it with him.
That said, it would certainly make me feel less valued for H to hoard every $$ and not think of including me in major purchases or windfalls. Especially if he had enough that a little thoughtful 'gift' here and there would scarcely be noticed.
I think you're right to move forward and do the best you can to let it slide off your back (no one has a perfect sitch), but perhaps if you're aware of this disconnect you can come at it from different angles and try to build a new intimacy with him.
I was wondering why I had the attitude that I had to money....and I think it must come from my upbringing.
Although pretty well educated and being brought up to be able to support myself....I can remember clearly my father telling me, when I was just about to graduate and at the same time planning my wedding, that he would support me until I got married and from then on it was my H's job to do that. I should feel no obligation to go find a job in the mean time if I didn't want to. Now this came from a man who had very humble beginnings and who sent my mother out to work to finance his children's privated education....before they split?????????
I grew up EXPECTING that what was my H's, ( whenever I got married), would be ours and that mine would be my own. It's really twisted and I don't understand it at all. What I experienced as i was growing up was not what my expectations turned out to be
Unlike many of my friends who felt guilty being supported as SAHM's....I never have. That's not to say though that I have ever NOT shared my money with my H if there has been a need.
I have always dealt with the finances though and it may just be that my H is really laid back about money - who knows?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
