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((Hey Christa))

According to our horoscope we had a 5 star day. In my case they were wrong .... I had an 8 star day. W called me and asked if she could spend the night at the house after the football game. She added " I will not molest you" I told her "I will not hold her to that promise" She LOL. I asked if she had plans for Friday and she said No. I asked, if she would like, I would take off and we can go eat at one her favorite place and drive down to the beech. She said She would like that. Soooooooo guess what I am going to do? Her voice sounded happy and excited. What do you think? I think this should be counted as at least 2 big step in the right direction. I am going to be "Fonzy" cool and let her take the lead and make the moves.

I truly hope your day turned out to be a 5 star day. I hope your day at work went well and you had a good time at the good luck party tonight. Halloween is Friday, you should do something Crazy! Dress up as a nurse or something weird like that .... I know you can dress up like a self-center, all-important, holy than thou, know it all Doctor. You know the type.

You can walk through the wards handing out placeboes to all of your friends. You may want to make sure you get the sugar free placeboes. You know the diet craze and all. And you can give your special friends Bloody Maries in IV bags (alcohol free since your at work). What ever you do don't mixes the placeboes with the Blood Maries! That could bad.

What ever you do for the 31st have FUN. Have a good time! Do what comes naturally. Be crazy. You will get all kinds of smile and laughs. Those smiles and laughs are infectious. Who knows you may even catch a case of smile and laughs. It will make you feel really good inside. It will put your mind in the right place.

You have come a long way over the last 20 months and you got a ways to go, but you are strong. You will arrive at a destination where you can live life as you should.

Hugs back (you have been my inspiration.)
Thanks
((VS))

VS~ I had a good day...fun with friends...went out after work...dinner and a few drinks...nothing overboard

ok...tonight is 2nd MC session...are we placing bets if H shows up????? no papers have been signed, so odds are rather bizarre here...he does know the repercussions (IE..long drawn out court battle, lots of expense etc) if he does not show, but he said he would only do one session without papers....so i'm praying hard and strong tonight!!!

I need a game plan either way!!!

I need you guys for this one!!!

(((2 all of you))))
Christa

I am sorry; I don't know what advice I can give you on the legal end. I haven't lived it like others have here. I do have a feeling he is going to show-up, paper signed or not. It is just a feeling.

To you STAND YOUR GROUND! YOU HAVE CHRACTOR. Think about how for you have come. The hard work you have put in to your sitch. You can do anything you set your mind too.

I truly wish I could say something that would give a road map to your destination. My crystal ball is foggy on this one, but I have total confidence in you having the strength to face this next visit with the same intestinal fortitude you have handled all the other hurdles.

You will be great Take a deep breath and get after it.

Keep your eye on the green.
VS

H showed up to MC

He still holds so much anger. C suggested dates, he stated he was not ready for that. He also said there was only a tiny chance this was going to work. He talked about how he gets excited to date other girls, but this felt like to much work...having to date me. I dunno...felt a little lost. He did say maybe it was because he had built a wall so high and thick, that may have a lot to do with it.

He at the end stated he wanted to talk about the separation and why I left. We ran out of time, the C said that would be what the focus of the next session would be about. He said that sounded good. So we scheduled another session...didn't even talk about the papers....except he did mention he felt like he was screwed either way (if he did or didn't sign them).

I think it is really positive that he showed up and scheduled another appt. Afterwards I asked if he could pull off at the gas station by my house while I ran home and got something for him, he said sure. I got him a card and a carton of smokes for our anniversary which was last week. We talked for a few more minutes. He was really appreciative. I brought one of our dogs along...he was happy to see her (or appeared to be) but was kind of upset because she really didn't remember him. Her tail was wagging...but we were at a busy gas station and she was much more interested in people watching!!

The C and H both keep asking how he can believe in the changes I have made....I keep saying until he sees them for himself, and gives me a chance to show him, it's hard for me to tell. I can tell him until I can no longer talk that I am not the same person I was when I left but that does no good...he needs to see it. Any suggestions on how I can talk about this without doing any harm; I need to talk about changes within myself...decreased selfishness, decreased stubbornness, and how I want us to be a team....we not me. All of that without sounding like I am running the session. In words that show him change???? not sure how to do that. any input would be GREAT!

we talked about the dogs more...he doesn't believe me that I would be ok with keeping them outside...which I would. I can not let my dogs be the reason my M comes to an end. That would be something I would live to regret.

He kept bringing up how starting a new R with another woman would be easier...easier maybe....but worth it???? that is the question!

(((((2 u all)))))))
christa

((Christa))

Well, it sounds that some progress was made. I have the same problems. Trying to say things to describe the actions (changes) that I have made over the last 5 months. I have struggled with the words. I have used "Would like to", "What do you think about that", "How do you feel about that". Just changing those words from "I'd like to", "This is how I think", "I want", are little things, but I have found it has a lot of effect. It has worked for me. My W said I was too controlling. These sample words changes really helped.

You may need to do something that will make him more excited to date you instead of the OW. You know him better than anyone else here. What does he like that you can do? You said, that he has a HD. Have you ridden with him? Would that be something he might like to do with you?

Another big 180 and is showing instead of tell (action) you might want to think about, away you can set up a is temporary outside kennel for your two dogs. This would be a big 180. This is something he can actually see. It will also take the dogs out of the equation. You said you are willing to do this, so try it for a while. It is just an idea.

A "tiny" chance is more than nothing and he did come to the second session. It sounds to me that he has planned to come to the next one as well. He is just talking big. His male ego is getting in his way. His anger is part of that anger along with his guilt. I do not thinks he is coming to C sessions just to save money. Part of him wants to make these changes, but the caveman inside of him is pulling him back.

Your are one more step closer. Remember P.I.G. You got them all!

You are dong good. Hang in there.
EYE on The Green.
VS

(((VS)))

thanks for your encouragement ! much appreciated!

off to work!!

will check in later

I would put my dogs outside here...but the city i live in is known for pitbull rings...so it scares me to do so.... people are sick ohs!!!! They are my kids...I am ok putting them outside in the country where H lives and nobody really knows we have this breed of dog...here in the city, where my neighbors know I have them....i'm scared they would get snatched in a heart beat

thanks for checking in!

christa

christa

First I want to say.. I see you "Doing Work". The stop off at the gas station.. bring the dog and a gift back.. F'ing Fantastic! You were using your head on that one.

"except he did mention he felt like he was screwed either way (if he did or didn't sign them)."

This is OK.. you can work with this. It's good to catch someone when they are "recalculating" which way to go.

I am not sure when I will get some more up here. I have been sick and not getting much sleep. But I will be back.

Lot of positives in what you wrote. Lot of positives in him showing up.. and making a new appt.

(((FG))))

it makes me very happy to hear you say i am "doing work"!!! WOW!!! what an accomplishment LOL!!!!

Next appt is Nov 13th, H said he had a busy week next week...not sure what is going on?? he didn't go into detail.

One thing is still bothersome...he made a comment..."she's a nice girl" but I don't know that I would date her...or something to that affect...the nice girl thing....threw me for a loop...what does that mean???

I agree i see positives....but need more. When the C recommended us going on a couple of dates and he said "that sounds like work to me"...I was like, this is going to take work...it's not going to just happen. I know it's only the second session after a 20 month hiatus...and I am expecting things to be more improved, I do suppose, than what they are...

just needed 2 vent a little...just being the nice girl that I am!!! LOL

christa

((Christa))

"H said he had a busy week next week...not sure what is going on??"

That is exactly what he wants you to wonder about. It's a mind game. He knows you well worry about it. It sound like a little DBing on his part weather he knows about DB or not. Do not let it lead you off course. Keep a clear eye and mind. You are doing really well.

"One thing is still bothersome...he made a comment..."she's a nice girl" but I don't know that I would date her...or something to that affect...the nice girl thing....threw me for a loop...what does that mean???"

Once again he is jerking your chain. He is testing you. He wants to see if you have really made the changes. You need to put this comment out of your mind. Do not dwell on it. Your mind will come up with all kinds of scenarios, which will be all bad. Once you get them in your head the emotions are intensified. Keep a positive mind-set.

"When the C recommended us going on a couple of dates and he said "that sounds like work to me"...I was like, this is going to take work...it's not going to just happen. I know it's only the second session after a 20 month hiatus...and I am expecting things to be more improved,"

Remember you are the one that wants this counseling. You had to persuade H to participate. Part of him wants to work things out, but his pride is getting in his way. He is still fighting his emotions just like you are. Two sessions is just the start. It will be a lot more down the road. This exercise is important to go through and with him resisting will take a little longer. Once he gets his mind around this idea it will go faster, but he has to get use to the idea. Be patient, be cool, and do not give up.

Both of you need to work on this together. Get it behind you. You do not want the same thing happen again in a few months or years.

"just needed 2 vent a little...just being the nice girl that I am!!! LOL"

There is nothing wrong with venting here and there certainly nothing wrong with being a NICE GIRL.

Keep up the good work. Stay strong and clear headed. You can do it.

Keep your eye on the Green.

((VS))

P.S.

My W is coming home for at least two days. I am working on my sitch. I may not get a chance to get back to you, but know that I am here for you.

THANK YOU VS------------> u rock

(((BIG HUGS VS))))

Christa