THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I am glade that you approve of my romantic vision and idea for my W. I was hoping it would not be pushing too much. I truly want to do more of these kinds of things for her. I had so much fun planning it, setting it up and watching her enjoy it that I felt great inside. This is like falling in love all over again. I has also made me realize that I that I am truly in love with her. It makes fee really good inside when I make her happy.
The bubble bath and dancing idea has now become a benchmark for future ideas. I will have to think really hard to top this one. I haven't done this in such along time that it will take some real imagination on my part. Any Ideas you may have to help me out I would appreciated.
What do you think about the ring thing? She was a little put out that I have started wearing my wedding band. She was going to ask me to take it off. She said that was at a point that she thinking about taking her’s off. I told her that I had made some bad mistake in the past, this is one of them and I am trying to correct it. I also told her that wanted to show her that I am still committed to her and our R/M. I then said if she wants to take off her ring she can, but I will not. I do not really want her to take off her ring. I do not know how I would handle that. What do you think?
Like you and other here I am second-guessing myself. I know I am going to make mistakes, but I want to avoid them at all costs.
When I packed up her mail to go back with her. I put an envelope with a number of rose peddles in it and wrote on the outside “Thank you!” She will find it when she goes through mail. I hope it will keep the memory alive in her mind of this weekend and so she will think about it. I know she will tell her friends about the bubble bath and dancing. When they hear what happened they will OOO and AW over it. That will validate it with her as well. I do not plan to contact her this week unless she contacts me first. I want her to digest in her mind what has happened.
What is the deal about no passionate kissing or hand holding.? She gave one passionate kiss, but would not let me return the kiss and she would grab my hand and hold it.
Why did she tell me,"if she came into my room during the night to turn her away"?
Yes, I think I got an Eagle on this hole. I am looking forward to making a bunch more!
Well, I got an email from W telling me that she got a new dress for the black tie gala. She is really excited about the dress, the gala and dancing. She has contacted me either by phone or email every day since this past weekend. She wants to take dancing lesions with me and has asked me about get her helmet for Christmas. It sounds like that I may shoot below par on this green as well.
Any suggestions or comments?
How are you holding up? Things going your way? Any new idaes for your sitch?
I think you are doing great!! Sounds like your W is slowly warming up!!! A helmet for christmas....WOW!!! Again, I am jealous
i am holding up ok....just wish things were progressing!!! I have tried to text H a few times, each time his response is "I am going to bed"....not sure what is up with that.
I talked to some friends that were close to us (a couple) when we were living together married (ha..funny to say it like that!) and they are on board to go on a "first date" with us. I think I am going to throw out the comedy club idea to him at the next C session. We shall see. I believe OW is still in the picture...which is complicating things even more.
I am thankful for the baby steps he is making. He has come to 2 sessions, he is opening up, and each time I text he does respond...even if it is just him saying I am going to bed. It is better than where I was a few short months ago....it is progress!!! I am thanking God for each tiny step in the right direction. I am a long way from par or even under par...hell I am a long way from the green. But I feel, the green is in sight, and I am out of the bunkers these are steps...baby steps...and each baby step will get me closer to the goal
thanks for checking on me!!
you my friend, are inspiring me...you are doing awesome...simply, awesome
(((VS)))
Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Thank you for your encouraging words. W emailed me last nigh about the new dress she has just bought for the gala. It sound like she is getting more and more excited the closer we get to the day of the Gala.
You are doing just fine. Keep chipping away and you will get to the green. Keep your swing slow and steady. Making par or below is the object of the exercise, but the goal is to put the ball in the hole. Par will come, but lets get to the green first. Your idea for a double date is a great one!!! In the game of golf a foursome is a good size group to play with. It gives all involved a little bit of room to maneuver if necessary. In other words H and you will have someone there to use as buffer. It will make things a little easer for both of you. Also, FUN is the name of this game. Keep it fun and happy. Have the best time you can. I know you will have butterflies in your stomach and you will a little on edge at first, because you do not know how it will work out. I felt the same way last weekend, but after things started to unfold it went real well. I think you will find it will be the same for you. Take what you can get and build on it. It will get easer each time.
You are doing GOOD !!!!!!!
How is your S doing? Is she getting better?
Keep your Eye on the Green!!!!!!
I could not have had the positive mind-set that I have without your encouragement and support. THANKS
Sis is much better...went to doc. with her today...she got good news!!! THANK GOD!!!!! She had me worried for a while!!!
I am a little down tonight...text msgd H...he didn't reply...
I watched church (streaming)online (I would be lost without the net!!!!)...it was good, about David and Goliath and how to fight the Goliaths in our own lives....I needed a positive message it helped!!!
thanks for checkn on me
chat soon christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
All of us need to get our strength from somewhere and you have chosen the best place to go for your internal strength. Do not get down because of the lack response. There may be all kinds of reasons for not txting back. We have a tendency to think about all the negative reasons why they do what they do and in so many case it was not anything wrong. Your are doing GREAT!
How are your classes going?
I am glade to hear that your S is OK. That is one more cross you can take off of your shoulders.
H called tonight...he was upset (understatement) he has to take mandatory week off to avoid lay off...then he got a 500$ bill from L in the mail...needless to say, somehow it was all my fault. I was headed for a breakdown as he told me he was done with C, done with us and going back to the L to say he wanted D. I finally said, I need to go to the bathroom we will have to talk more later. I needed time to process everything. I needed time to gather myself and regain composure before saying anymore. I told him he was being selfish and hard headed. I apologized for my wrong doings in the M, but he never did. I did not want to push any more than had...so i knew the best thing i could do was to stop. yes, FG, you taught me something...i even used your famous line!!! LOL!!!!
So after a cooling down period, I text messaged him to ask if C had been a joke all along to prevent him from having to pay me the money i had invested in our home. He said he preferred to talk not text. So I called, we had a very civil conversation, unlike the one before. I asked about C being a joke and he said no, he had good intentions, I said it didn't feel that way. He said he was just overstressed, he is barely keeping his head above water and having a hard time. I empathized and validated his feelings. After a few minutes I asked why he was not wanting to do C any longer he said he didn't feel like it was moving along, i said it was hard for it to move along when he wasn't following her advice, such as dating and talking more frequently. I suggested the idea of the comedy club and our friends joining, he became more quiet. I talked and talked, I asked him a few times if he needed me to let him go, because he really wasn't saying much, and he would just become silent, and ask another question. He talked about the separtation, and why I left. I try to explain as best as I can. I know he will never understand. I just try my best to explain and how I have grown since I have been on my own. After about 20 minutes, I told him I needed to go, had to get back to writing a paper. I said I would chat with him soon, and I would be at the C session next Thurs. and hope to see him there. he said ok! and chat soon....this was a much better conversation than the previous one. I was much happier with how things were left vs. the previous conversation.
I think/feel he was simply overstressed finding out he had to take a one week unpaid vacation and receiving a 500$ atty. bill in the mail. He has said several times how this is making him feel overwhelmed and stressed out. I think it is all truly getting to him and he has no true outlet.
just wanted to update!
Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
WOW! ... WOW! That was good thinking on your part. Breaking ways from a venting attack by H was the best thing you could have done. Most of us would not have been so quick thinking, dug in our heels and gone toe to toe with our WAS and argued back. You did good!!!! ..... You did real good!!!!!!!
As I was reading your account of your first conversation I felt that H was just venting his frustration about his finances (or the lack there of). I totally agree with your assessment that H was just overwhelmed and stressed big time with the L bill and job. It was just too much to handle all in one day. Men can not handle too many things at once (we are not multi-taskers) When we get hit like your H did with these kinds of things at the same time it will kind of cause us to breakdown. Actually, I think he called you, because he needed YOU to talk to too. He needed YOU to listen to his problems, he need YOU. This may happen again, so beware.
The second conversation was much better. He listened to you; he wants a reason to do things with you. You may need to find away for him to save-face. I do not know what that would be or how you could do it, but something that will help him get by his male ego. You got him thinking.
You are doing great! I am proud of you! I am glade I have you as my inspiration.
Keep your Eye on the Green.
VS
PS
Wish me luck my W and I are going dancing Saturday night. She is planning to come back to the house after the dance to stay the night. I think I pushed the outside of the envelope last weekend, so I am planning to back off a little and follow her lead. Any suggestion or comments???? Your opinion is important to me. Thanks
