Upside I know you feel disappointed right now about the plans We have been at this for a bit, but what is another few months? maybe do something special for yourself this weekend and let everything else go your H is coming around but he is probably not done with his MLC maybe his space and avoidance is his way of working through it and he is stressed at work its not about you..but I do understand your position I would encourage you to hang on a bit since he is showing alot of positive signs and going to therapy anytime things could shift for the better and they have so reach deep for a little more patience take care of you gal get a new hobby or pet? peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I hear your frustration and disappointment. I'm sorry for that. I do hear alot of positive stuff though. Perhaps some activity would allow you to step back and look at it from a different perspective. What have you always wanted to learn to do? I'm going to be taking piano lessons. Music soothes the savage beast and all that. I find just doing little things (whether I keep up with them or not doesn't matter except in terms of how much I like it)gives me more patience.
Hi peace, Grace and na- I hear what you are saying but I don't know if I have any patience left. I am so tired of having that carrot dangled in front of me just to have him continually pull it away...purposely or not.
I was so frustrated on Friday, I called my H but he and his friend had already left on their trip to Vegas and were in the car driving so he couldn't really talk. He told me he would call me back later and he did. I didn't have to even tell him what I was thinking...he knew. He told me to be patient and implied we will make it work. He told me that even his partner and his wife are having problems due to the craziness of their work load right now. Can he can really compare his partner and his wife to us since they haven't been separated for 20 months? Then he said something like "You know I love you babe." Now he has not told me he loves me without me having to ask since before he left (I've only asked a couple of times) and I don't ever remember him calling me babe or baby but he has done it a few times recently. Weird! Oh and he did ask if I still wanted to come up and meet him but I know he didn't really want me to. He asked if he could call me on Saturday but I never heard from him.
Oh and when I called my H on Friday, I was on speakerphone so I got to talk to my H's friend as well. I asked how he was and he replied that he was really looking forward to the weekend. I said "oh so you guys are going to have some fun on this trip". My H replied something like "Well, XXX might have some fun but I'm going to be working"...yeah right! I am so tired of this! So today I am back to feeling pretty much done. I am feeling like this has all been a charade because he doesn't want to let me go but he doesn't want me either. We have a C appointment tomorrow that he said he could still squeeze into his busy schedule...but we have no plans to spend anytime together other than that.
This is so hard for me especially when my kids are gone. If I could, I would just pack up and go somewhere but I don't have the time to go very far and I have my responsibilities here. I can spend time with family and friends but they are all so busy and I hate to intrude...plus there is still that feeling of being alone. I so tired of being alone. In some ways it would be so much easier if my H just told me he was done so I could move on. Today I am the one wanting to be done but he keeps having a way to suck me back in...although the voice in my head that keeps saying "I want more" is getting louder and louder.
I want to learn new things and find out more about myself. I want to travel when I can and find adventures. I even want to make new friendships and connections. I feel like I am stuck between teenagers who don't really want to do much of anything with their mom (mostly my S) and a H who doesn't really want to make time for me. Okay, enough of the pity party!
I am starting to believe that my H's crisis was mainly brought on by starting his own firm...sure I did things over the years that contributed but I think the pressure of the business and him wanting to be successful has really effected him.
Grace-How are you? I have wondered what you have been up to? I have missed you around here. I hope you come around more often and give us an update on how you are doing.
upside Just a bad day it will pass tomorrow will be better focus on whats right and good he said he loves you... hang in and yes work on building your life as you wait peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I can't imagine having my kids gone (even just for the weekend)on a consistent basis. Even with my D's here, the lonliness can "lie in wait" and I find it really sneaks up on me sometimes. Why do you think you friends and family would consider time with you an intrusion? If they haven't said so, it's probably just your mind playing tricks on you.
As far as finding out more about yourself and learning new things....does it have to be only in the event you are "done" with your H? Just a thought.
Thanks for checking in on me peace, Grace and glam. There have been a few ups and downs this week but for the most part, it has been a decent week.
Sunday I did a no-no and asked my H to talk. He came over and hashed out what happened last weekend. I told him I just don't know if I can do this anymore. He said he understood my frustration and that he recognizes what a loving thing I have done for him by giving him time and space to figure things out. We talked about his unhappiness and suggested that maybe he isn't happy because he isn't at home. He also thought it would be a good idea for him to take our Monday night C session and go by himself so he could figure some things out. He told me that he does want the M to work otherwise he wouldn't be wasting his time with C. My H was able to make me feel a little better about things...but I am sure my frustrations aren't over.
Monday my H went to C. He called me after the appointment and he sounded upbeat. He said he thought the session was good for him...and for us. He and the C explored why it is that he is having such difficulty getting off the fence. My H told me a lot of things that they discussed but the thing that stood out was his acknowledgement that are easy for him now because he has no responsibilities when it comes to our relationship. He says he knows that isn't fair.
The C told my H that we need to spend more time together to reconnect and my H said he agreed. So Tuesday we talked on the phone for awhile. Wednesday night H came over for dinner. Last night we went out to dinner and had a nice time. My H came back to the house with me and was planning on spending the night but we got into a bit of disagreement (I wouldn't call it a fight). I had just asked my H if he thought I made things too easy for him. He thought it was a stupid question and didn't really understand what I was trying to get at. The more I tried to explain, the more annoyed he seemed to get. I told him I understood if he didn't want to stay the night but he still stayed. He asked me to drop the conversation and I did but there was still some lingering tension. We both feel asleep on the couch...I eventually woke up and told him I was going to bed and I left him on the couch. Shortly after he came and got in bed with me. He has spent the night a few times recently but it is still so weird to sleep with him again...I don't sleep all that well when he is here...strange since it took me so long to get used to sleeping without him. Anyway, when we woke up this morning, things we much better between us. Since it was the first time my H had spent a weeknight, it was almost like my H was seeing if he liked the routine. He did in fact. After he left, he called me on his way to work commenting on how it takes him less time to get to work from my house...oh and he also told me that he enjoyed our morning together despite the strained conversation the night before.
We have plans to go to a Halloween party tomorrow and I may go on a business trip with him next weekend. And we did talk a little about the holidays but I'm not sure my H can think that far ahead. I am making Thanksgiving plans and he can join us if he wants. My step-D wants to go on a trip with my H at Christmas...my H mentioned something about us all going but I'm not sure how that would all work out with everyone's schedule. We will just have to wait and see.
We maybe taking one small step forward and then half a step back but I need to remember that it is still progress.
Upside Yes it is progress Your H ism moving along and you are doing so well Its good that you could let go of the conversation//sometimes they just cant grasp what we are saying feeling and its better to talk it out with someone wlse I believe that are still scattered from the MLC as I notice my H can not communicate well..anmd sometimes does not understand simple things I say enjoy your weekend I am happy for you!! peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Upside!! I read a lot of positives there! I'm happy for you and your h. He seems to be coming through the fog and is realizing what he really wants. I hope you had a fun weekend.
Then he said something like "You know I love you babe." 