Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the Guy with Kids and a WW Diciotto

Hey suga,

I'm still here. Been busy at work. My work has been suffering lately, so need to concentrate more. Had a big talk with the boss today. Business and personal.

After we discussed how things are down for me, business wise, I admitted to letting my personal life interfere. That brought up a big discussion. She is in her mid to late 50's, about 5'2", and about 110 pounds. Strong Hispanic woman that don't take sh*t from anyone. Once divorced and then widowed about 5 years ago. Now she is having the time of her life dating. We talk about my sitch. She has known my issues for over a year now, when we started working together. We just clicked. She realizes that I may not be a sales monster, but that I bring a lot of other things to the table. I also keep her grounded and usually have to finish her discussions when she gets frustrated with someone. She trusts me.

Last year with the wife in rehab and me taking care of the kids and visiting the wife every morning and evening after work, she really worked with my schedule. She gave me $50 to help pay for Thanksgiving and then during the Christmas holidays, she started an email drive for my family. I had just gotten the wife home a week before Christmas, when my District Manager and a few other big wigs from the bank presented me with a check for nearly $900! All donated by my co-workers from all the different branches and local corporate. I nearly broke down when they surprised me that day. My District Sales Manager and District Ops Manager and my Branch Manager are all women, so I had them bawling, too. I'm tearing up as I'm writing this. At the time, I was having to rely on family to get my kids gifts. It was a gift from God.

Anyway, the boss is telling me how my being successful will be the ultimate revenge on the wife. Also that I need to let her go. She has gotten a taste of a different life and liked it. Nothing I can do but go on with my life. And do it for my kids. Be successful for me, not for the wife or to show her. It would just be an added benefit.

I agree with her. I had been in a funky mood today when we had the talk. Still am, knowing that I don't know my wife anymore. I miss my best friend. Terribly. I'm in mourning for her still, I think. And then being alone in the house without my girlies makes it hard.

I called the girls this morning to tell them to have a good day. D11 keeps forgetting to call me at night. That hurts. I talk to D11 first. She knows that my feelings are a little hurt, so she doesn't say much. Then I talk to D7. The wife is straightening her hair. She has been doing it for both of them since yesterday. I tell D7 that I'm going to have to do it here at the house too, but that I'll just IRON her hair. She just can't move her head on the ironing board.

"Daddy!" she laughs.

I talk to her a little and start to end the conversation and she tells me that mom wants to talk to me. The wife asks if I can bring some of D7's jeans back. I let her know that I only have 2 pairs of them. She says she can't find a couple and that she'll probably go buy her some more this weekend.

Right. She has rent coming up and just paid her Time Warner which was over $200. Unless MIL gave her some money. Or OM. Here I am selling my some of my coin collection today for a couple hundred bucks for extra money till Friday.

The wife also asks if I can find the plug to S14's printer. It should be in his room somewhere. I tell her I'll look and take the things by after work.

Couldn't find THAT plug, but had a couple extra that might fit it. After work, I drop by the apartment and D11 is outside riding a neighbors skateboard. I ask her why she is outside and she says mom told her she could. I tell her that I don't like it. I give her a kiss and give the bag to her to take inside. We talk very little because she is distracted riding the board and being with her friend. I tell her I miss her and she gives me a look and says, "I'm going to see you Sunday."

THAT hurt. I tell her fine. Maybe someday she'll call ME. She rides of with a sarcastic look. She yells back "Maybe you might get a surprise." I tell her back, "I keep praying for one."

She also told me that she can't find her PE shirt. She has her shorts but no shirt. Can I look for it at the house. I tell I'll look, but I have not seen it and did not wash it. She asks me to look anyway. If she can't find it, she'll get D hall tomorrow.

She never called me. I watched a movie tonight and didn't finish it until about 9:45. Too late to call her. I'll call her in the morning. I might have to go to the school and buy her a new one.

Or let the wife handle it. Not sure. It HAS to be at the apartment.

No drama is nice, but it sure is boring now. Being home alone. Trying to not have contact with the wife. Tonight, I cleaned our bathrooms like crazy. Wiped down the areas around light switches throughout the house. Door jams. Swept the kitchen. Put away some clothes and folded towels. Will vaccum tomorrow.

Kind of bummed, guys. I am so afraid that I going to end up alone. With no one. No one to hold. To love. Like a widower that just can't seem to move on after the death of his wife. The effort I have put towards my wife has gotten me nowhere. And won't. What an ugly feeling.

Being rejected sucks. I know I'm not as down as I sound right now. Just venting my feelings.

I think the same thing too! But seriously, I think you're going to go into dating too quickly and maybe do a rebound thing if you're not careful. I do think you're going to love again, I have no doubt in my mind. And I think it'll be easier and less work if you find someone less messed-up than our WAS are. And I've decided I'd rather be alone than have a messed-up M like I do now!

I think they reject us because of their own flaws and faults though. Your W isn't healthy or she wouldn't reject you in any way is what I think. It reflects on her not you. Although I still feel like you do sometimes too. Logic doesn't help sometimes!!! ((((H4H))))

Maybe you should go throught the process of the funeral if that is what you need to do to go dark...and I mean dark, no hallway light left on,on her.

The stuff with D11 can be hard but she knows who the messed up parent is. She is "escaping" with her friends when she is with her Mom. They are her support group, just like we are for you. Try not to take it so hard. You know all 3 of them love you. Just stay available and let them know how much you love them back and it will all be good.

I wish you weren't so scared of being alone. We need to do something again, like when we saw Ironman. Don't fill up your calender too full ok? Hugs

kat

h4h,

Busy with work here, too, but always keep track of you.

A few reminders. Anyone talking to you at this point just wants the pain to go away for you, so they will tell you to "let her go". Staying and fighting right now is not easy and it is painful and most wouldn't do it. Anyone would understand if you let go. And, divorced people, except for the ones on here, almost always will say to "move on". Not to mention that you could wait and do all you can and she still may follow through on the divorce. So, no wonder you are feeling the way you are.

I'm so sorry for your pain. I wish I could come and give you a big hug and tell you it will all go away. Your wife's choices are hers only. Your choices are yours.

I was so close to leaving my marriage. I'm so glad I didn't. I thank God that I didn't. I see things clearly now, and I didn't before. That far away look is her thinking as well.....right now, though, my guess is it is her depression....her thinking more along the lines of "woe is me, what happened to my life, ...my poor kids." She just doesn't know.

Waiting and hoping and doing things for W is not helping you anymore. My advice to you is to focus only on you for a few months. Don't answer her calls, let her get voicemail. If it is about the kids and it can't wait then email and keep it only about the kids. Let her feel her choice. That means keep the kids schedule set as well and don't let her come over and see them during your time. Meanwhile you work on yourself. One thing I have learned over and over is that you can't rely on someone else to make you happy...YOU have to make yourself happy. Please don't go out with new girls.

And, let me just say you are totally off base if you think you will end up alone. You are a very attractive man and you have a very kind heart. Any lady would be lucky to have you. If anything, the abc girls should have shown you that if you divorce you will have no problem finding a lucky lady. Focus on you. I know you are lonely, but you love your wife and being with someone else right now would not be fair to them anyway.


Do you have a pastor to talk to?

Hugs and prayers your way.

Karen, she is the most ILLOGICAL person I have ever known.

And going into a rebound relationship sounds like me, doesn't it?





I know they really love me. She is a kid and enjoying her new friends. Because her mother moved into town, they are no longer isolated like they used to be, living here in the boonies. It's just that they are all I have right now. I just have to be strong and be happy for them.

We'll set up another movie night soon.

Beej,

I have been trying to be dark. It may not be pitch black, but pretty much, considering the kids. Yesterday, I took those cords and jeans for D7 and left before the wife could get there. I was tempted to pick D7 from the afterschool care, but I thought that I should leave it up to the wife, even though I was desperate to see her. I didn't want to have to see the wife yet.

I talked to my girls this morning again. D11 did not surprise me last night. I told her that I could not find her tshirt that she had me looking for. I hear the wife in the back ground saying we'll just have to get her another one. I tell D11 that I'LL go get it and get it to her today. I also talked to D7 for a while. She has been in a good mood these past couple of mornings.

I go to work first, planning on going to D11's school during my lunch hour. Something came up and I had to go early. Like 45 minutes after I got to work. I had an appointment lined up that I forgot about. On the way back from the school, the wife calls me and leaves a VM. If I was going to get the tshirt or if not, to let her know so she can do it on her lunch hour. She had this long pause, like thinking what to say, then told me to just call her or email her back.

I email her,

"Morning. I just got back from Amanda's school. They wouldn't let me buy it. I had to write a check and they delivered it to her so she could buy it during PE.

Have a good one."

She emailed,

"Thanks you too, have a good one."

I did not call Amanda after school like I usually do. I have not talked to them tonight, yet. See if she calls me.

My friend D called me today, too. I was also heading back to the office after leaving D11's school. She had a banking question about a client at the wifes credit union. She was asking if she could call her, or how she would feel if she called. I told her to just call her. D felt funny but it was important. I gave her the wifes office number. Later after I got back to work, D called me and told me she was going to come visit me later. She comes sometime after lunch and sits with me. We talk for a while about stuff. She told me she talked to the wife. During their conversation, D refered to me saying, "...your husband or ex or roomie or whatever you want to call him." D was just acting dumb.

The wife asks, "Oh, you know?" She says yes, that she had a girlfriend that ran into me and told her that "we weren't making it." She didn't say much after that. Her leaving my office, I tell her we need to have a drink and she says she'll call me. Maybe this weekend.

She won't call.

My assistant manager asked "She looked familiar. Who was that that you couldn't take your eyes off of?"

Also today, I was talking to one of the tellers. She had asked me what my approval authority was. I told her with my devilish smile, that I had "one BILLION dollars". I made the other teller laugh and she said, "I just love that dimple you have when you smile." It just made me smile bigger. I explain to them that THAT particular feature is what captured the heart of my wife.

Way back when. They just gave me the "awwwwwww".



So today, had contact with D. B called me last night and we talked for a while. I had lunch with Y today. Well, I gave her enough money for both of us for her to go pick up lunch for us. I owed her. We had lunch a couple weeks ago and I forgot my wallet(likely story),so she paid for me. We had lunch at work with another co-worker. I had some text exchanges with M, who moved back to Boston with her family. She is doing very well, but her and her 5 month old are getting over a cold. K texted me that she had passed another licensing test. I texted her back a congrats and that I may have to give her congratulatory pats on the rumpus.

And my tellers made me blush.

All that and I still feel the same about her?

Karen, I'M a goob!

I went thru something like this with my now 18 yr old girl. We were so close especially after the divorce from my first wife( age 10) but then she got older and needed her mother more. I took it hard but I kid of understood. Our relationship changed but I was still the most important male in her life. I just made sure she remained a daddy's girl and when she dated boys that I was the prototype she compared them to. Even now at 18 its important to her that I like the boys she dates and so far she hasn't gone crazy. But then again she just started college but still lives with mom so there is some control still.

Hang in there...focus on you alone and the kids. Are you close with your parents? Getting back to your roots is always healing.

Thought I would check in today.

Beej, I am fairly close to my folks. I had been trying to stay away from them for a while, when the wife was still at home. They are so angry with her.

I've been keeping myself busy with work. Haven't had any contact with the wife except that little request on Monday from her to bring some of D7's jeans and that printer power cord and an email exchange concerning D11's PE shirt Wednesday.

D11 called me on Wed. night at around 10pm. I really enjoyed talking to her. No call at all yesterday. I called in the morning as usual, but I didn't call after school to talk to her like I usually do and she forgot to call me.

She did call me this morning. She wanted to find out if they could get their two puppies for tonight. Dress them up. I said sure, but how would they get them. I was expecting the wife to ask me to bring them to her place this morning. I could hear her in the back ground. She says the mom said that we can go when she gets out of work. I ask D11 about the church thing. She says that she wanted to go but thought she would feel funny going. I asked why and she tells me because we aren't a family.

We talk a little more. I tell her that I wish we could see each other. She says her too. She says maybe we can eat dinner together. I tell her that I don't want to change what they were planning, but to ask her mother.

Then D11 tells me that mom is going to pick up D7 early from daycare. They are closing at 5 today and she didn't have anyone to pick her up before they close, so she will save her lunch break for 4pm to pick her up and take her to the apartment when D11 gets there.

Sounds like there was no way she was going to ask me for help.

I talk to D7 for a while. She says she misses me. I miss them a lot, too.

Nothing planned for tonight or the weekend yet.

Yet.

I took on some extra hours tomorrow for work. I was supposed to be off. I did go to Target last night and found some Camp Rock stuff on clearance for the girls rooms. B and I had gone there after we had dinner.

I think I'll go for a drive this weekend to San Marcos and visit the shops again. Then maybe grill some steaks at home and watch all my movies. I think I'm getting The Hulk, Lars and the Real Girl, and the Bank Job today from my Netflix.

Hope everyone has a great Halloween.

That sounds like fun!!! I think when I get home tonight I'll try to watch some of those scary Halloween movies. Although I'm going to be all alone so I'll probably scare myself really badly. I usually like to watch those holding someone's hand! Oh, well. Good to do some stuff alone. I've got the tour meeting tonight for a couple hours and we're all heavy talkers so it'll probably run late!!! Southern talkers can really go and go and go! Wish I was closer sometimes so we could all go out together!!! Don't worry wdid, in a very friendly way! Karen

Wouldn't that be too cool? All of us getting together some day?

I was actually heading home last night. I had brought extra clothes to go out if someone had called me. B had called me when she got off work. She was going over to a family get together. She had told me that K was still on the road heading back from Austin and that she didn't think that she was going to be doing anything either.

After work, I decided to hit Wallymart and pick some new pillows for the kids rooms and also get D7 a little boom box. Heading home, a little bummed out, I kept looking to see if I would see the wife's Rodeo heading the opposite direction from picking up the puppies.

Five minutes from home, she calls me. Asks me what I'm doing. I tell her that I was on the road, but didn't tell her where I was going. She said she had the girls and that Juli was missing me. I ask her to let me talk to her and she gets on and she is bawling. Crying her eyes out. She is missing me. I could barely understand her. They were already out trick or treating. I cheered her up as best as I could. We talked for a while. I asked her what they planned for after and she said they were going to go to Sonic. I ask her if she wanted to eat pizza and she said yes. I told her to ask her mom and the wife agreed. She was ok then, but our call got disconnected. I called back and it disconnected again. I called again and the wife answered talking to Juli, telling her something about it being ok.

Juli thought she hung up on me and started bawling all over again. I calm her down again and let her know that we'll go eat at Peter Piper when they are done. I talk to the wife and ask her to call me when they are done. She sounds very frustrated with the kids. She also told me that Juli is tired and had a bad day at school, too. I get home, change to my going out clothes, put on the Diesel tonight.

They call me maybe 20 minutes later that we can meet. I get to the place first, order and get a table. They show up and Juli runs to me and I fall to my knees and we give each other big hugs. Then Amanda. Quick hello to the wife and we sit. Juli says, "I'm sitting next to daddy!"

My heart was gushing!

We sit and talk a bit about the day. Looking at the people dressed up. Some of them, daddy likee!

Amanda is upset because Juli caused them to finish too early. The girls and I go get our drinks. I did not ask the wife to fill her cup. She's on her own.

Then I start to get calls. My childhood bud first. Then B. I took the call from my friend, but walked away from the table. When B called, I hit ignore and turned my phone upside down. The wife was just looking. After the girls ate, they run off to play, leaving the wife and I to chit chat. Just a tad. She is sick. Looks like allergies or a cold. We talk about S14 getting picked up by his dad while they were going house to house. They had made plans without her knowing, so she was upset. I notice she keeps getting the looks. Those thinking looks. She asked me if I had made plans to go out. I said that since I hadn't heard from them, that yes, I did(I didn't). She says that they hadn't heard from me, so..... I explain that Amanda was supposed to call me after talking to her. I ask her if she was taking meds for her cold. She says yes and shows me. She says she took some this morning and then just before leaving work. Then she says,
"Oh! That could be why I'm so sleepy. It's a 24 hour medicine."
We both chuckled and then the girls came back.

We decide afterwards to go try to hit some more houses for Amanda, but we have to go leave off the dog at the apartment. They thought it would be fun to dress up Moe and drag her along trick or treating. We decide to meet back her apartment, leave off the dog and hit a neighborhood in one vehicle. Mine. We explain to the girls that we are heading back to the apartment and which car are they going in. Both, in unison, "Yours!"

Mine.

We do that, hit a neighborhood, nobody out anymore and I take them back to the apartment. Driving back, K calls me and I hit ignore. Then a loud, "MESSAGE RECEIVED" VM. I drop them off, big hugs for my girls. My daughters, that is. The wife looks exhausted and tells me thank you for the pizza. Leaving, I call back K and we end up at a bar for a few beers. Ok, several.

I left before 2am this time!

Now to figure out what to do for today. I might go hunting with my bud tonight on his property. Haven't done that in years. My movies didn't come in yesterday. Maybe today.