Re the Celexa...it is shamefully EASY to get an Rx from any general physician. No testing, no psych consult needed. Heck CJ and I walked out with a few weeks of freebies from our doctor!
In fact, both Celexa and Paxil in low doses are used not only for depression, but for Anxiety as well. That's the main reason for my taking it.
All I can say about the effect is: Serotonin is my Friend!
I hope soon they find what they need to be doing to get your health back. It seems so unfair that everything happened at once but I guess a lot of times one contributes to the other.
I don't know that I'm any stronger. But I hope starting to adjust a bit. I hope and plan no more days like the past two were for me!
Take care and thinking of you.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
As of yesterday's scale reading, I'm down to 93lbs. This was a big blow to me as I have been eating more and eating fatty foods. I really thought that maybe I would be more, not less. This makes me feel like I'm losing control of my body.
Feeling scared, I told H about this last night and said that I'm only a few pounds away from ending up in the hospital.
What I got back from him was platitudes about how I could do better if I really wanted to and how I should think positively. I told him that I was doing the best that I could and fighting hard to reverse my condition. He said he didn't think so.
I felt like a total failure.
I could not eagerly agree with his analysis of what I should be doing. I knew that he was not listening to what I was trying to share with him.
He later got a little huffy and said "I'm not going to encourage you anymore" and suddenly it was all about him.
He eventually softened and stopped being a Pr*^k for the rest of the evening.
Lately, he seems to say or do things that are intended to insult or hurt and plays mean spirited mind games with me.
I think I'm being punished for being ill and requiring his presence here. It's a childish way of lashing out. He doesn't want to care.
Last night he said, looking me in the eyes, "you're ill because of the stress I've caused you." "Right?" He waited for a reply and then said "It's true right?" I could see him painfully waiting for an answer that would wipe away his fear and guilt. When I did not answer, did not deny his remark, I could see his disappointment in that he was right. I soon after told him that I had not blamed him for my illness. And we left it with that.
Every so often, I see him peeking out from behind his cave wall. I ended up in the bathroom and could only hang limply on a towel and buried my face in it trying to hold back tears. I didn't hear H approach but instead felt his hand on my back. He held me in his arms for a while and I wanted so much to whisper to him "thank you, this is so much better than advice".
Quoting Joni Mitchell - "I wish I had a river, I could sail away on".
I thought about that, however, my H is so defensive at times that I feared he might be offended in some way or that merely saying "thank you" would make me seem pitiful. It's hard to judge right now.
Sometimes, silence is the loudest statement I can make.
Under normal circumstances though, I have to agree with you wholeheartedly.
Sorry about the continued weight loss. ..If it's any consolation, I think I'VE found your missing pounds, just can't seem to find a way to get them back to you.
About the Celexa...Both CJ and I were on it at first. We felt nauseated for a couple of days, it also caused temporary (couple of weeks?) sexual effects, mostly in the form of "retarded orgasm"...as in not quite being able to get there..very frustrating! But I'm fine now.
CJ had other side effects too. Trembling hands for one. He switched to another drug...Serzone which was a better match for him, although if I recall correctly, he was really tired the first while on it. (Could have been the depression too).
Now most SSRI's (that's your Paxil, Celexa, Prozac, etc) can decrease sex drive in about 70% of patients. No real change for me, CJ's drive is as low as ever as far as I can tell. Some can cause a bit of weight gain too...hey YOU need that!!!
As for a low dose of Celexa...I take 20 mg once a day, the max is 40.
Now...as for your recent encounter with H. Oh, J, I so feel for you. After bomb #1 my "recovery" from the kidney surgery was seriously compromised. Not only did I feel like I couldn't BE sick or take it easy, but the STRESS!!!! No wonder I, too, lost weight, drank too much.
I'm quite sure that the rapid return of my kidney stones, the massive hair loss were due to the stress of what CJ had done. I never mentioned it, and neither did he. But I certainly was never comforted about it either. Man he was just plain MEAN sometimes back then. I suppose he felt he had to harden his heart, or maybe my earlier behaviours had already done that. I'm sure the OW didn't help!
Quote: I thought about that, however, my H is so defensive at times that I feared he might be offended in some way or that merely saying "thank you" would make me seem pitiful. It's hard to judge right now. A quiet thank you would have been a good move. He would know next time hugs work. You silence leaves him wonderings what he can do. Most guys have no clue when the woman starts crying. Most time it just paralyzes us. We think if I hug her and she pushes me away I will just make it worse.
I feel so for you and don't know anything I can say to help. Other than I feel you are so strong to be going through everything you are going through right now!
..If it's any consolation, I think I'VE found your missing pounds, just can't seem to find a way to get them back to you. 
