I finally got locked out of my previous thread, "A Ray of Hope, I Hope".
Summary:
H and I have been together for seven years. We were married on the dock of our home on Parkside Dr. and lived relatively happy, productive lives there.
We adopted all three of our children (they each have four legs, a tail and are covered in hair).
My mother and her husband lived in their own condo back then and I took care of them by running back and forth and managing their bills as well. However, both were diagnosed with Alzheimer's and could no longer live safely on their own. My brother (who lives in Costa Rica) and I decided upon a plan to protect Mom's assets and more importantly, them.
My mother is a retired nurse who worked in geriatrics for several years and swore she'd rather be dead than end up in a nursing home.
So we used her assets to buy a nice big home that could be converted into a two family dwelling. My H and I both agreed to live their, I would be their fulltime caregiver and H would help with the caretaking and be their to assist me in other ways. You know, the things that H's and W's usually do for each other. Emotional support, sharing responsibilies.....
Anyway, it was understood that this was going to be a two man job at the very least. I know that my brother would never have suggested this arrangement if he had known that there was even a slight chance that I would be left to do this alone. Everyone thought we had a solid M, including me.
Early in 2002, my H was made supervisor in his department of a large dental lab. His job is very demanding of his time and energy. We ourselves, had been working toward starting our own lab over the years and have put ourselves into debt collecting the equipment and supplies needed. This is still on hold.
October 2002, my H hired a woman to work in his department and this is when our relationship noticably took a turn down a dark path. He later admitted that they were doing some heavy flirting back in December of 2002.
H suddenly was coming home later and later and going out after work with others (or just one other) nearly every night. His behavior toward me was increasingly cold, distant and irritable.
In January 22, 2003, H dropped the bomb that he wanted to leave, that he had wanted to leave for a long time, he didn't think he ever was truly in love with me...blah, blah, blah.
Then a week and half later I asked H if he was having an affair and he admitted that he was but said that sex was not involved. Later that same night, after he had raced away from me in order to be with her, he came home at 2a.m. and admitted that they had just had sex that evening and that they had been having sex for some time.
Many lies and more betrayal followed over the months and he still seemed bent on leaving.
June 2003, H appears to have ended the A for real this time.
July 4, 2003, H declares his independance and tells me that all he can offer me now is to be a part-time H. He moved some things back to Parkside.
One week after our new arrangement was in gear, my doctor confirmed that my weight loss and other physical problems that had been taking control of my body over the past months, were indicitive of something serious.
I confront H about holding off with the partial seperation plan because of my present condition. H agreed after some resistance.
So there you have it, the barebones version of my history.
For you masochists out there, here are the links to my previous threads.
Quoting Jeannine: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I carry my "bb gang" with me inside my head where ever I go now. ( It's getting a wee bit crowded in here)
A mini conference kicks in whenever I feel unsure of myself (which would be pretty much always ) and then I just listen in. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boy, that must get interesting to see, especially if those cyber 2x4 start swinging in public.
Careful, Jeannine, to whom you might answer to ... or they're gonna want to do some other kind of testing.
Hi Jeanine, I like the summary! Your H is really not holding up with the family arrangement and when seeing the OW , everything looked greener right? Isnt that the walk away spouse syndrome? wham! then you find out everything. I think the H's have the A to get out of the M because they realize things are not good all of a sudden- but you know all this. I hope you are feeling Ok and how did the tests go?? GLad H is supporting you a bit. You sound better!
Yes, I think you are on the nose about my H using the A as a means for "getting out", a handlebar of sorts.
I actually got my H to watch three and half of Michelle's "marriage breakthrough" tapes with me this past weekend. I'm not too sure how much he was just sitting through thinking about other things, but I'm hoping some of it past his mental barrier.
I'm working hard against disintegration.
No word on results yet. Those don't usually follow until the doctor has them all in. I go in for another C.A.T. scan tomorrow. Not looking forward to that hefty needle they put into your arm. I've run out of convenient vein locations.
I was just reading your latest post on your thread and see that you are walking the fine line too. Hope you get some relief soon.
Jeanine, Best of luck tomorrow- maybe some chocolate to take along? According to my mom, it makes you feel good! pretty awesome you got your H to watch those, I bet he listens more than you think and at some future point in comes up in a good way I hope. My H kept all the notes I sent him about letting go of OW and how it was affecting her M, (the tramp cared less about her M than I did as it turns out)and later said he really did "listen" even though I was the evil spouse back then. Great job on anti- disintegrating, you sound stronger and better and we were all worried about you! Hang in there and keep us posted-LOL! You are doing great! Shay
I'm pretty nervous this morning, I keep thinking about that oversized needle.
H has been resistant to sex lately and that is really bumming me out. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here but it does worry me as that is the one department in which we had a strong healthy hold.
Not sure if it is his back pain, fatigue, stress or something else causing the lack of drive. He even took a "yohimbe" yesterday. Nada... I handed him another one this morning as he was leaving for work.
I feel like a dog sitting at the dinner table waiting for a bit of entree to hit the floor. eerrgh!
At least I add to them much more! 
