Hey Where.. hows it going? Are you well? What happened about your house? And thats amazing what your boss said and yes, it seems he thinks you are the right one!
So your H said "He said he was in such a dark place and in so much pain so he will never want to relive it." - wow! Did he explain WHY? I am assuming that he never told you at the time that he was in a dark place then. Things really do take soooo long to perculate through dont they, I recgnise it in my self, some things in my life have often taken about 2 years to resolve and then, only once you get some distance and perspective on a sitch. Its no wonder there is so much talk of patience on these boards!
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Not much going on with me.. not in the best of moods today but that's more hormonal than anything else. H is going on another work trip tomorrow. He'll be gone from Thursday to Sunday (last week it was Thursday to Saturday.. but it was only 4 hours drive away). He's flying and hasn't had the best of luck with flights the last few times he's flown for business so hopefully this time everything will go smoothly.
There really isn't much change in our relationship. We get along fine when he's here.. I likely initiate contact less than 5 percent of the time... In my mind's eye, although I have seen improvement in him attempting to make time for D3 and I, he's still really focussed on himself. Like he seems to be able to make it to the gym every day (or nearly every day) but the same diligence is not given to see his daughter.. I wonder if his priorities will ever change in that regard? I know there's nothing I can do about it.. but I do wonder.
Gypsy, I'm STILL struggling with the book "The Host". I read a few more pages today. I'm only at the part where they start the road trip to visit Healer Fords. I'm really hoping it picks up speed or peaks my interest soon. I loved the Twilight Saga.. The whole Edward and Bella relationship had me hooked. I'm such a romantic.. no wonder I have suffered with having expectations in the past (and still struggle with it to a lesser degree now).. It's the romantic novels!!!
Well, I really don't have anything more to chatter on about.. so thanks for stopping by to read and or write.
For those Canadians out there.. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving this weekend!
I wish I had the answers about your H. What does your heart tell you? Do you think he'll improve, or do you think there's something that you could try to help him focus more on you and D3?
D3 and I spent Thanksgiving with my Dad, his gf and my one brother and his gf. It was nice.. although D3 was bit on her finger by my Dad's chihuahua
H flew in from his business trip on Sunday and called me on my cell. He was at the house and was checking to see where "his girls" were. I told him I was on the road heading back to the house and would be over an hour.. he said he'd stay and watch tv and do his laundry so that he'd get the chance to see us. D3 was sleeping soundly when she and I got home so we put her straight to bed. H stayed an hour or 1.5 hours and then left.
He was supposed to come over the following morning but slept in. So I got a call at 12:15pm that his alarm didn't go off. I'll take it at face value but most of the stuff I hear like that I don't believe.
H has a big evening next Tuesday. He's a finalist for an award so he's pretty excited. He has invited me to come. I tried backing out of it yesterday. I'm feeling uneasy about it. The last time I spent time with his at a work function was his Christmas party early last December... and he was horrible to me. So as I was trying to back out of it I told him that I've not really been a part of that world for a long time now and that I have VERY unpleasant memories of the last time so that it might be best for him to have someone else as his plus one. He insists that I am the person he wants there.. and I mentioned that he also insisted I come to the Christmas party last year (when I tried to not go to that because I could sense he didn't really want me there).. and he proceeded to say that he sincerely means it. He wants me there. It's not the same as the Christmas party as he was in really dark place back then. I don't know. I just feel scared.. and worried about a deja vu moment.
Anyway
Work is busy... which is good.
House hasn't sold yet. I'm praying it will by the end of this month. I know it's going to happen. It's got to!
My Mom was a lifesaver and sold all D3's fundraising chocolate bars.. I'm so grateful.. she's always here for me.
It's getting so dark so early these days. I'm finding that I'm a lot more tired lately.. I'm already looking forward to spring!
I voted today. I didn't at the last couple of elections do to being busy or lazy.. but I managed to do it today. So I feel good! Now I'm "allowed" to complain when our government jerks us around.
Hey W2G....gosh, I can understand your reluctance and I admire your strength in saying you might not go! Thats brilliant. Its kind of positive though isnt it? (hugely?) that he is prepared to have you there at his side at such a public event? Kind of perverse too, seeing as he continues to lead the bachelor life.
I was sad to hear you say he slept in and called at 12.15 and you dont believe it... I guess looking back there were all kinds of clues in my sitch that I wasnt connecting the dots and so I never asked him if there was an ow (and he would probably have lied anyway). Is that what you are suspecting here, or just that he is making excuses when really he just wanted his space and didnt want to come over, but didnt want to tell you that?
Its amazing how your sitch continues in the same vein and you are continuing in your patient manner. Your H is a lucky man.
Shame about your house.. and more banks have gone under here... Ali xxxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Journaling. Well the award banquet was last night. I got all dolled up and sat with H at a table with H & 10 of his colleagues. H didn't win the award but was glad to have been nominated. Had a nice time.. food was good... beer was good Saw a couple of recognizable "Canadian" faces.. it was nice.
H was nothing like he was at the Xmas party.. so that was a plus.. but I still don't feel like we are on our way onto piecing. It feels like he's content to be a part-time Dad and a part-time companion (w/out benefits ) to me.
He told me he loved me and was glad that I came.. and that if I hadn't come he wouldn't have brought anyone in my place...
No news on the house my friends.... hopefully soon.
D3 is good.. and I've missed her this week. I worked on Monday because I needed to be off yesterday to get ready for the awards (got my hair done etc) so today is the first day this week to spend a good amount of time with her.. so I'm off to do just that!
I'm so glad you had a good time at the awards dinner, although I'm not liking the sound of H being a part time Dad and companion. Has he said he wants to work on things at all? If not do you think it's worth modifying the approach slightly? It'd be nice to get a bit more romance going, although having said that he did say he loves you. That's really nice.
I wish I had more ideas, but will think about it. And I'll keep sending good vibes over the ocean for the house!
I'm so glad to hear what you're up to!! I'm sorry this is gonna be fast because I'm on my teacher's computer at school... good job on the awards shindig!!!! I like thinking about you getting dolled up What happened to the benefits?? Weren't there some "benefits" for a while?? Slow and steady... wins the race!
Thank you for stopping by you melontastic maidens!
Lisa, H says he is working on things.. He figures if he makes a point of trying to connect with D3 and I daily (by phone) and spends some time with us 2 or 3 times a week that that's working on it.. that he's getting better with time management and handling stress.
I guess what I want to know is.. is that enough? I don't feel it is. I want more than that... and I KNOW D3 DESERVES MORE than that.
Gosh, do I sound ungrateful? I don't mean to. I know there are people out there dying to have any interaction with their H's.. but whatever he and I have going on right now it's not a relationship.... I have no idea what it is.
Needless to say I'm feeling pretty blue this week.. mostly since yesterday. I think it's this birthday sneaking up on me.. I struggle with getting older. I know it's only a number but I find birthdays are so "reflective" and I'm definitely not where I hoped to be at this st'age' of my life.
And work got to me today. It feels impossible to get my job done without the tools I need to do it.. and that's what happened today. By the time I got the tools to do this important thing I needed to do today I had 6 minutes before I had to leave to catch my train... which I couldn't miss (otherwise I can't get to the daycare on time..) so I was stressed out... feeling like a crap employee.. feeling like crap that I'm only person who's able to get to D3.. when I would have liked to stay late and get the work done. I really miss being part of a team. Being a team of one is...... and I feel like I'm constantly letting myself down and now my employer.
What happened to the benefits?? Weren't there some "benefits" for a while?? Slow and steady... wins the race!