No real news. Texted H last evening that I was going to work the gate at the high school football game and the kids were at my parents' house. Figured he could call them there and would not have to involve me....
H waited and called at 9:10 when I was loading the kids in the car from my parents. I missed the call. Called him back ten minutes later. He was wanting to tell the kids goodnight. It was after their "set" bedtime but I was working the game and he was gone, so that is just life.....He didn't say a word about it...
H talked to both kids and then S passed me the cell phone. H was all cheerful, I asked how the golfing went at his work retreat.
He said actually, they won the whole thing. I said wow that is impressive, I bet you are proud. He said, "Yeah, actually, I am, it was pretty cool." Then he said they won $100 each and he used his to buy two golf shirts. I said sounds good, I am sure you could use some new shirts, I know you like nice golf shirts, and they were basically free.....So we talked for maybe 5 minutes tops, it was all upbeat non-R talk. I am not bringing up the R again, until he does.......
Hi BBJ. It took me awhile to read and catch up on your thread. I know some of this is old news and rehashed already, but here is my 2 cents.
I too am a Christian. Actually I am a practicing Catholic who is raising her children as such. We were married in the church and H joined after we were married. We have been very involved in our parish and of course people were shocked when they learned of our S. I thought that I would never give in and fight the D all the way. As time passes and T continues I realize that God might not want me to live the rest of my life unhappy. If H refuses to work on our marriage and H won't do anything about the D he wants, I might have to. Right now I have decided to give him until Jan, then I might file. I haven't decided for sure. I'm still praying about that one. I never thought that my marriage would end in a D. But I also don't know God's plan yet. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't rule out any possibilities because of your strong Christian beliefs. Most of all I know God doesn't want you to suffer, well unless he plans for you to someday be named a martyr and then a saint.
GAL away girl. I know we have lived pretty much the same life, even though I have been living it longer. I know H is surprised and in a good way anytime I do something new. Silly me, I didn't realize all those years I spent at home raising the Ds he thought I should be out doing things. I find that when I do something financial that surprises him the most.
I am the one that opened a checking account seperate from the joint one first. I did almost everything to buy my house on my own. H went to one open house, I did the rest.
Let me say again do not cosign on the house. Remember I got my house on my teacher's salary. Something tells me Dan can swing it no matter what he tells you.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
Actually, not much today. H gets home in an hour. I bought him a "going away gift" over the weekend. It is a small stone inscribed with the words "My wish for you is a passion to enjoy life". If H can't/won't enjoy it with me, I hope he can somehow find a way to enjoy life, even if it is without me.
I was also going through my music collection and found two really interesting songs for two very different reasons.
The first "We Build" would be perfect for Retro (don't know if Sara will check in, she is the retro girl!) I believe it truly states what must be done to save a marriage, and it made me think of what Kalni is going through:
Nichole Nordeman \ We Build
It's bigger than we thought It's taller than it ought to be This pile of rubble and ruins
The neighbors must talk It's the worst yard on the block Just branches and boards where walls stood
Did it seem to you Like the storm just knew We weren't quite finished with the roof When it started?
So we build We build We clear away what was and make room for what will be If you hold the nails, I'll take the hammer I'll hold it still, if you'll climb the ladder If you will, then I will, build
On any given day We could simply walk away And let someone else hold the pieces
The lie that we tell Says its better somewhere else As if love flies south when it freezes
What I'm trying to say In some clumsy way Is that it's you and only you for always
What I'm trying to say In some clumsy way Is that its you and only you, not just for now, not just today But its you and only you for always
It is so beautiful to hear, if you can find it online guys, listen to it. It says so clearly that it takes two to repair the damage of a broken marriage....
K, I guess to answer the question of what happened today, I think I have taken a step toward D in my heart and mind. I reflected on the things H has said, that he is not attracted to me physically anymore, he won't miss holding me/touching me, he still blames me and resents me for so many things, I just don't see how it could ever work while he is in this mindset. I won't file, not yet anyway, but I think maybe I am steeling myself a little/a lot at this time.....
This song gives me hope. I love the pictures, it shows us the great things we do have, kids, friends,etc. and it shows the hope that we will love again, too.
On the literal side of what happened today, H called this afternoon to say he was boarding his plane and he would be home around the time we head out for Karate, he will be home in time for supper, etc. Talks like we are still just a regular old family..........
I won't file, not yet anyway, but I think maybe I am steeling myself a little/a lot at this time.....
Just work on yourself, your strength and keeping your kids well adjusted and happy. Give him the space he needs to figure out what's going to make him happy, and if he says "I want to leave." Tell him the door is open and he can always choose to either walk out, or stay....
Concentrate on you, and loving yourself. You are valuable.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
