PS Tgone, No I really need hugs and kisses...I want them always,its just now I need them...I get hugs and kisses from the kids all the time lately, but you know what I mean. I'm gonna forget how...
I understand about the affection,hugs etc! As far as the other thing....you won't forget how, trust me
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
good weekend, Halloween party was fun. Buddy of mine tried to fix me up, but the woman he wanted me to meet couldn't make it. Slowing down a lot. Almost out of ambition. Going line dancing tonight, working on a big project tomorrow night if it doesn't rain. Gym at least 3x's this week. I am staying put this weekend and doing all my yard work in one shot. If it's warm enough, I'll pain the trim as well.
Felt out of place at the dance. I danced a lot. but, seeing all the couples together, the kssing after each dance and what not, made me feel sad. Hit me yesterday also. W was there when I got home. she was getting cleaned up to go to a friends to watch the football game. took my younger d with her. Also said my other D was going. I just talked to her and she didn't go. Hasn't talk to my W in almost two weeks. I don't know why my younger D told me she was there.
Finances are getting to me I think, but i hope toget things lined up this week. Got great compliments at the party. No talking about it all weekend. this is the first since friday. My MIL cousin, the psychiatrist, left me a message to call her this week ofr support and some guidance. She told me to ride out the storm, as you all have said. She warned me about making any threats or getting on the ride with her. She told me everytime I think about her, do something, laundry, dishes, clean, go for a wlak, go to the gym. She said there is no shortcut in this situation, if I want my marriage I jhave to be the one being strong and doing everything right. Sounds like everything I have heard here. I will call her this week to touch base, plus i haven't seen her in a while. She has given me somewhat of a time frame based on my MILs input to her, but she says things can and will shift. I need to be more than I ever was and hae to really start to shine right now. Not to her, to me. She told me if I don't feel like I am controlling my life and I am on top , then I need to fix that and geton top of my life. I need to be king of the hill.
Felt better after getting her message, she is a peach.
LD - I wish you all the best. Be strong, you've got a lot of support.
I'm moving out of my house this week and emotionally it is a killer. Logistically it is an absolute nightmare as everything is going into storage until I can figure out exactly what I want to do. Phone numbers, contact info, mailing addresses, insurance, different licenses.....you name it and it has to be changed. Emotionally it is crushing. All the Christmas times, birthdays, Thanksgivings and the fact that we built this house together as part of a dream. A whole lot of memories coming to the surface. My ExW used to tell me this was her sanctuary and she loved this house. Now it means nothing to her and apparently I don't either. Tough to grasp that after 30 years. This will be the toughest thing I've ever done and what we lost was tremendous and the destruction of what we built so incredibly senseless.
Still I managed to have a very nice weekend with my friend. Spent Friday night with friends and introduced her to them. They instantly made her feel at home and we had a great dinner at their home and fun conversation. Spent all day Saturday with her just talking, eating and watching a movie. Sunday we hooked up with some friends of hers and went to a pro football game. Lots of fun with great people.
Still, there is a tremendous sense of loss here. I still love my ExW and there is a heavy sadness that we could not and did not keep our marriage together. Not only that but we don't even communicate. Nothing but silence and a huge void. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so totally and completely disconnect after 30 years. Hard to swallow and impossible to understand in any rational way.
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
Don't I know it. I'm keeping on keeping on. Trying to get to the top of the hill. My plan is that it will be Friday. How's that for positive thinking. Once I get my insurance check, I'm gonna put some ducks in order.
I feel bad about you having to move out of your place. But I do know what you mean. Heard some stroies as of late. One was really sad and happy. Situation like ours. She moves on with OM. He becomes abusive and starts cheating on her. She calls her kids and tells them what's going on over a 4 month period. Husband doesn't want to hear, so the kids said nothing. Husband finds out. Let me back up, they are now divorced 1 year or so. Husband kicks in door, kicks OM's ass and walks out. Never said a word to her. Police come and get him. He goes to court, she testifies that the OM was verbally abusive to her. they find the ExH guilty, 6 months probation and $1000 fine. She calls him a week later and asks to come back. She shows up and asks, why did you do it, He says, why do you think I let you back. True story, met the people. Weird.
Nothing is over until I decide its over....Good luck, stay in touch...
Quite often the OM relationship goes south. What I do understand is that the end of the OM relationship does not mean the end of the MLC. Sometimes people in MLC get out of a relationship and right into another one OR out of one and then work their way out of the tunnel.
It is the running,distancing and emotional detachment that is freaky to me. I can not relate to or identify with that. My memories are so vivid and there are so many of them over 30 years that it is inconceivable that they wouldn't naw at her they way they do me. But like AmyC said they feel like they are in a glass box where they can see but can't feel.
This MLC is pretty wild stuff. Hang in there. I'll do the same.
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
Yes I read the same. She is trying to get a connection with the kids, but she is not having much luck. My younger D sees her, but it makes her uncomfortable and she always asks the W to take her home or have me go get her. She obviously doesn't see what and who she is becoming and has openly denied she has changed at all. My kids have made the comment that they don't know her and have lost all rspect for her.
I feel bad for myself, really bad having to deal with my emotional issues without any physical support. thank god for you guys. Anyway, I do feel bad about what she is going through, but I now see what people mean about being dark and it getting easier. It seems the worse it starts to get for her, the more she tries to reach out. I have been documenting it and it is cyclical, just like a roller coaster. I can basically tell you that she will reach out to the kids this weekend because she won't be wti him. apparently his wife has put the restriction on her being around her son. OM is basically being told to make a choise. Good.
This MLC is a bear. Just listening to Sandi and AMy gives me hope, but it also gives me some pretty good insight.
The OM is married? AND his W knows what is going on? How old is the OM? Maybe this is MLC meets MLC?
Or maybe this is just an affair. Sounds to me like both you and the OMs wife are being awfully accomodating. I don't think I could do that. For me the choice was made...but you do have a choice.What kind of message are you sending?
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
He is married and this is the 3rd time he has done this to his wife. He is 31, 16 years younger than my wife. I am no longer accomodating. As a matter of fact I am boxing up the remainder of her clothes andputting them in an upstairs closet to make room for my winter clothes. I took down all pictures with her in it last night, I mean ALL pictures,
He knows how to play the sympath emotional game to get women to take to him. I alos know his background and history. The two of them have no friends realistically that they can be around. My wife's social life is with him and whatever losers they hang with.
My son talked with his mother yesterday as he had invited her over to his house. He said he didn't think she was going to lasty in lala land much longer, told me he'd talk to me tonight about it. My older D, says she calls her and makes her feel uncomfortable, also told my D that he gives her money for gas for her to drive down and see him, that's a lie. Unless it is recent, her ATM history indcates she is pulling out nickels for gas.
I would like to believe she is at the end of her rope, but I don't think so. She is openly concerned with my kids about the holidays and how things are being planned. She wants to know why she isn't included in any of the decisions or plans. My older D told her that they are what they are and if she wants to attend, great, if not, oh well. She alos told her that I do not want her at my house Xmas morning, she can see my other kids at her father,s or at my ds on Xmas eve.
Just waiting for things to get worse as Amy and Sandi indicated that they probably will before it gets better. If I have seen the worse, then great, but I don't think I have. She will probably have a small unnatural animal when she finds the rest of her clothes packed and stored. I am also sure she will be surprised to find all her pictures are no where to be seen. I have great plans this weekend, probably not as good as yours. I am filling some picture frames of my pics with my kids, my grandkids and my friends from recent gatherings. I am putting them n my office with a bunch of thngs from my Dad who passed away about 4 years ago when everything seemed to be crashing around me. Most likely that was my midlife....Tons of yard work and projects will be concluded this week. If I get the insurance check I have beenwating for tomorrow or Saturday, I am over the hump and on TOP OF MY HILL looking down at my empire....!!!
Sounds like the OM is a class A loser. They usually are! Also sounds like you're getting stronger and you're on the right track. Between this idiot she is running with and your actions, your W will have to face the music at some point.
Right on!
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
Like I said, I am packing up the remainder of her clothes and putting them upstairs. I have taken down the pictures of her and of us. I changed my bed coverings and found that she had taken a few comforters and sheets as well. I will feel better after the room is emptied of her stuff. I am kind of wodering what her response will be after I pack her stuff up. I have several projects to do to keep busy this weekend. Getting shaky and I don't know why. My BIL who lives with me isn't paying the rent he should and its screwing up my bills. I am going to take action next week and ask him to find someplace else to stay. I can't support him right now. One of my D's thinks he may be giving my W some money because she is strapped. She pays nothing to the house, my D's support or anything. If I find out he is, he will be out quick.
I think I have the shakes becasue this is the final end of the rope. I have cut out her "exiastence" in the house now. No pictures or clothes in my room. She will be able tostore them there, but I am not going tohave her coming into my house to get changed and pick and choose clothes like she lives there. No more cake eating at my emotional expense. you have a great weekend. AmyC and Sandi if you two are out there I would love to hear from you, kinda give me an impression of what I have been doing and your thoughts. Karlah, you too....
