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On the other hand, last week he wanted to stay married. This week he wants a divorce. He could change his mind again. Rushing into a divorce will soldify the decision, but I don't think he knows what he wants.

My heart is broken and I find it hard to be glad that he is being generous...

I am not sure what I will do, file or not file, do the work or let him do the work, I just don't know today so today I do nothing.

hey BBJ,

Last night I mentionned that this was moving very fast...I am glad you have decided to slow it down a little. I am not sure the outcome will be any different but no need to do something you are not comfortable with.

Sorry you are in so much pain .... I know the feeling....for what it is worth, it does get better.

BBJ - Does Dan know that you dont want to file because of your religious convictions? Maybe he also has the same thoughts against being the one to file. He probably does not want to file because of guilt.

Have you seen the movie "Sargeant York" with Gary Cooper? He had an inner struggle with his pacifist Christian beliefs coming into conflict with patriotism. He was eventually able to find some things in the bible that helped him to decide and defend his country.

The nice lady I am now dating is a devout Lutheran (father is a minister) who had an X that cheated with multiple women and stole money from her. She had to get him out of her and her daughters life and came to grips with being the one to file.

I also told myself that I would never file, mainly because I take my vows seriously and not for religious reasons. However, once W started exposing the kids to her affair and threatening getting the highest priced lawyer, that was my breaking point.

I fear that Dan may only agree to filing first as a means to get you to cosign for the house.

I do hope it gets better, the pain I felt the last several minutes on my knees on my stairs crying to God were not what I would call an enjoyable experience. But I have faith in God and what will be is what will be. I just feel truly lost today....I do not know which road to take the road I chose was taken from me and so now I need to decide how to make that new road to happy ..........

I agree with John - take it slow and dont make any quick decisions. Sara has a point about him getting tougher to deal with after the guilt subsides, but I am not so certain his guilt is going away any time soon. I filed back at the first week in January and my W's guilt is much worse that it was back then.

And once you have a plan, you are probably going to have to be the one driving it along. Dan is too wishy washy confused.

BBJ....man I hope this comes out right....WE deserve so much more than what our WASs have to offer right now.
I am sure you will find that road...it may or may not go through Dan. In all honesty, I am going to sound like Kalni's girlfriends (and some of my buddies)....not sure that is good for you to hear right now....so I'll wait a few days.
I know this is probably engulfing your every thought right now and there is nothing anyone can say to make it better. Just know that you are not alone...many of us have gone through this...it feels awful....it WILL get better.

BBJ, It's just fine to stand by your convictions. There's probably enough feedback here for you to pray over and do or not do the right thing. if not keep posting your fears and feelings. Everyone's with you.

i agree with others. don't do his dirty work for him. m from ten said dan needs to feel this. you shouldnt have to carry his weight too. he is being so freakin selfish its hard to comprehend. along with all your loyal posters, i'm here for u also...

I see that things keep changing and moving and switching around. I'm not yet seeing a calm clear picture from him, so just try and be still? I agree with the others that his comments about lawyers and money are probably to do with his guilt, which will be to the fore right now after his outbursts.

I'm sorry for the pain you have been feeling, it must be so hard, but you're in the eye of the storm right now, so its bound to feel that way,
Ali xxx