Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Year 2 coming up!

I look at some guys I know, who do none of what you or I tried to do, and they are still maried. I think we have some really troubled STBX's. I'm at home today with my son who got sick in school. No big deal, but I just left work after leaving about 4 times already for my daughter, and being away for 18 months. Her boss might be more understanding. I'm not doing tricks for my boss.

THEY signed ALL OF US UP for this lifestyle. I try to be a human being, but THIS is MY life now, not OUR life. I give her a ton of money, but I spend very freely on my kids because I want to. New hockey skate, $128, new hockey helmet, $98, new elbow guards, $54. S10 happy; priceless.

So true FLTC, there are lots of guys doing sweet piss all for their W's and they are still married! While I was driving home tonight I was thinking about my M, something I don't spend tons of time doing anymore but every once and a while I start to think "how the heck did this happen?" I thought about the things I used to do for her and I just can't fathom how what she did seemed so indisputable to her! When she decided to pursue a graduate degree at University part time and continue full time at a high stress managerial position I supported her. I took on everything I could to make this load managable for her. I did the cooking, the shopping, paid all the bills, picked up and dropped off kids, took time off when the kids were sick, took them to their appointments and still sat and listened to her for hours talk about her stress and problems. Was I perfect, hell no but who is! When she wasn't able to cook Chinese food for herself because of her hours I learned to cook Chinese, I could cook over 50 dishes by the time I was done. I never got a single thank you! When she worked late I'd often pack her a hot meal, drive over to her workplace and surprise her with it. I packed all the lunches in the morning so that she could sleep and extra half hour. I'd even pack her heart shaped sandwiches to be romantic! Sometimes I would go buy a piece of cheesecake and drive over to her workplace to surprise her at lunchtime. And guess what, she'd get pissed off because her workmates would carry on about how lucky she was to have a H like me. My last hurrah was to sign us up for ballroom dance lessons, she'd always wanted us to do that. For DBing veterans you will remember that as a trip to hell! Hey, I tried. So what was the terrible unpardonable sin I committed to be tossed aside like an old shoe? I still don't know and probably never will. Such is life, we just carry on.
OK, that little rant is over but it was a pretty good one, don't ya think?
Later Dbers.

OK, I'm not finished! Even though I listened to her hour upon hour I was told I was a very poor listener. I told her that I would be willing to work on listening in a way that she would find helpful but she would have to help me with it. Her response was that if she needed to teach me to listen then I obviously was not able to do it! Memories...ah, the memories!
OK, I`m really done now...honest!

I lied, I'm back. Did I mention why I did all these things? It was because she was the love of my life, the only woman I wanted to be with. Despite all the pain I was enduring, I still thought she was the most beautiful, incredible woman in the world...and a part of me still does and probably always will... what a twit, eh!

Perhaps it's because she didn't have anything to complain about. Some women like to have that with their friends --- i.e. "ugh, you can't believe what my idiot H did last night, yadda yadda" and so it would go on. It's not right, but I've heard it a lot.

Sucks, I know, but what can ya do, 'eh!

wii,

I KNEW all that stuff was in there, because it is for ALL of us. Same with me. I once bought her diamnd and sapphire earrings. Several years later, I forgot I had got them for her, and bought her another set. She got angry. It's a bit&h having 2 sets of sapphire and diamond earrings. No laughing at my lack of memory, chalking ti up as a human foible. Noooooooooooo. ANGER. I am really a beaten dog. I feel ALL women are like this, but I know better....

Hey BM, don't get me wrong I was no Saint! For years fat boy here thought snoozing on a Saturday afternoon was a wild day of entertainment! I took our M for granted for a long, long time but no more than most other guys from what I've seen. I left my clothes on the floor, lots for her to bitch with the girls about! The difference is that when W started expressing discontent I got my ass in gear and worked hard to be a better H, I wasn't always successful, and she certainly didn't see her part in any of this, but I changed. She just wasn't interested and did everything she could to block my new self from having any impact. In the end, I remember her saying "Nobody could have tried harder than you to save this M, I want you to know I recognize that". Well, that meant alot to hear...it doesn't do much for the pain right now but it still meant alot.
Thanks for checking in!
Btw, fat boy did lose 40 lbs four years ago and suddenly had energy again, who'd of thunk it

Well, just returned from the doctor as I had my yearly physical. He told me I'd gained 5 lbs over the past year, I said "If that's all I've gained, considering what I've been through, I consider that a victory!" He said something really nice to me today "you're the most motivated patient I've ever had" He's still swooning over that 40lbs I lost four years ago. He told me he still uses me as a case study at conferences and discussions with other doctors. Nice to know I've made his career Four years ago he diagnosed me with Diabetes and I told him that I would get rid of it. He didn't believe me. Well, five months later I had lost 40 lbs, diabetes was gone, liver issues were gone, cholestrol problem was gone. I took care of business. So, I've got a record of kicking ass when times are tough and I know I'll get through this little sidetrip I've been taking to Poor-me-ville! But, you know, every once in a while you just gotta say "Poor me". It will pass

Wow, it's so strange what this stuff does to you! After writing that last post and thinking about what the doctor said to me, I suddenly had tears pouring down my face. This seems to happen to me whenever someone says something that feels like "you're significant to me". I remember feeling this way when my Coffee Buddy looked at me, with tears in her eyes and said "Sometimes, I hurt so badly inside for you". Wow, here was this beautiful creature sitting there saying "you're significant to me". A few weeks ago I dropped off my best friend at his home and he turned to me and said "Whatis, I love you", I think I cried most of the way home. These things come to mean so much when you've been feeling so insignificant. I hope we all can have these times where somebody somewhere says "You're significant, you matter to me", they mean alot.
Have a great day Dbers!

Hey Whatis.....

I just glanced at a few of your posts here. Seems we are in similar boats - but mine is near the Atlantic coast! I just wanted to say that we always need to work on ourselves - daily. I have a problem with that - but trying to make it more of a challenge. When my confidence is up - it's because there is a direct correlation in how I feel about myself and what I think, and vice versa. When it comes to meeting women - I suck, most days. But I do surprise myself when I'm at my game - and the funny part is that I don't realize that I am - I just am! I mean, one day I'll leave my apt or house or whatever it is I'm living in these days and I'll just be feeling good in general. This happens when I tell myself - Sol, it's gonna be a good day. And it usually turns out that way. So I dress a little better, I smile a little more, I'll have a little pep in my walk, and women notice this!!! I get the real pretty ones to respond to me which is great! And I'm not that attractive of a guy - but my positive attitude makes up for that 300%.

To put it bluntly - women like confident men. I have to learn this. So we work each day at being confident, positive, hard working, no matter what, hard to do I know - but we also will never know if a good woman will pass us up because we didn't take a small risk and say "hi"...